asixstringnut

I shared this today with a friend on here in a personal message.
I really do not know where to go from here. I am not looking for sympathy. My Mom told me where to find sympathy in the dictionary when I was younger. It is between Sh-t and syphilis.

This was my message to her. Have any of you ever felt this far gone?

"Thanks for the message and concern. I really don't know how to say it but I just do not care anymore. Alcohol has always been in my life and I can't seem to put it down for good. I am sick of failing at trying to quit and the embarrassment of posting that I failed once again. I think the failing is worse than the drinking."
Thanks
Asixstringnut

columbus

"I think the failing is worse than the drinking."

I think you're wrong.


;-)

nez

In falling, we can learn. Nothing much to learn in drinking.

Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? They take a few drunken sailor steps and then plop, down on the butt they go. They don't get embarrassed, think they will never get it, and that they are failures. They roll over on all fours and give it another go.

When they do get walking down, total exhilaration and glee follows. Liberation!

Sobriety is much the same, and worth the effort. I drug myself through countless attempts and felt much the same as you. Many times the only thing that kept me going was because I didn't want my tombstone to read "Died of embarrassment".

I learned and I finally got it; so can you!

joandmelandhan

"Dont ever quit trying to quit"

^^^^^ this!!!!!!!

No need to ever be embarrassed. Ever!

I dont believe you are too far gone to try again. You are here. You posted. I believe you have no self belief. Your addiction will love that. It will feed from it like the insidious creature it is. It will lie to you and make you believe you can't do it but guess what? YOU BLOODY WELL CAN!!!!!!

Have another go six. One magnificent day it'll stick and you will live freely from that poison. It won't happen quickly and it won't be easy but we are the lucky ones six. We are trying. We've not given up yet

Time2Rise

I've failed many times also Six String, but I refuse to give up. Someday, somehow, I will find a way to not feel the need for alcohol in my life. Many others have achieved this way of thinking and I will too. And I sincerely believe you can too, so don't give up.

Maudcat

Try again, sixstring, for those handsome dogs (yours, I assume?)
They deserve the best you, the one that doesn't drink.

PhoenixJ

Your mum's words are cruel. There is always hope. It is not failure- that only happens when we stopped trying. You are here, posting. So you have hope and therefore believe in a future for you. Keep posting. Empathy and support to you.

columbus

This thread has made me think that as "failing" = "drinking"

and "drinking" = "failing"

There really is no separation between the two.

They are one and the same.

The logic here that failing is worse than drinking so might as well drink

sounds like a very subtle AV twisting things to its advantage.

Hevyn

Six, I agree there's no reason to ever feel embarrassed - do you really think none of us ever struggled? Many people never even try to get sober - never acknowledge that they have a problem. You're ahead of the game, even though it doesn't seem that way.

To answer the question - yes, I've felt that far gone. As a result, I gave up trying & continued drinking after a few failed tries. Terrible and tragic things happened during those lost years. I wish I had the words to keep you from giving up on a better life. Please stay.

2ndhandrose

Stay with us, six

You are not a failure.

You are a hurting brother.

No different than anyone else here on SR.

We have all struggled. Fallen. Had trouble getting up.

Please stay with us, six

Chilledice

You only fail when you make the choice to not get back up!

Chilledice

And no offense but your mother was out of order saying that to you!

YOU are capable of doing this ONE day at a time!

Don't let anyone not even yourself convince you otherwise!

You fall down? Then you get up again and again and again until the job is done!

I feel from your post that maybe you lack a bit of self confidence, we all do to some extent but you really can do this!

Dee74

Talk to someone Six.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

The despair drink leaves you with is not reality.

There is life after drinking - you've shown you can be sober - thats half the battle - now you just need to work out what else has to change to make the change permanent.

There is always always hope for those who want it...and I think you want it or you wouldn't be posting.

I believe you can change - all you need to do is work out the details

D

Done4Ever

Hi Asixstringnut,
I know the feeling well. Coming back here, saying I failed and that I want to try again. It was hard for me to get on this site today, because I feel like I am the same old story. I'm with you, and I want to be sober, so I am trying again. I'm making a plan to change the ways that caused me to fail in the past. Let's do this together!

I look at how everyone responds to your post with support, and it gives me hope and the realization I am not struggling with this awful problem alone and it gives me hope when I see others who have succeeded and are succeeding.

Looking forward to seeing you here a lot!

Berrybean

I thought I felt like that plenty of times - later I found out that it was not the rational me or my feelings - It was my AV putting its lies in my head.

Do you think there's a chance that this is your addictive voice doing a number on you too??

When you decide to get sober, please please please egage in some recovery work as well. It's not just physical - we need to learn how to change our thinking. And even the cleverest among us need others to help us do that - we can't change our thinking with our thinking. We just up with more of our thinking. And we know where that kind of nonsense got us every time previous.

You are trapped in the insanity of alcoholism. And a very good definition of insanity is 'repeating the same thing and expecting something different to happen.' You've tried drinking before. It didn;t get you any place you wanted to be. Take that choice again and you end up in the same place. Maybe your past attempts at getting sober didn't work out either - but you CAN choose to learn from them. Was there something that was working that you kinda stopped doing (we've all done that mistake in the past). Were you taking away the alcohol but not adding other stuff in? Did you make the mistake of venturing too close to slippery people or slippery places? I dunno what your answers will be, but it's worth asking the questions. Not in a self-punishing way, but as a process of elimination of the things that don't work, and sifting out the bits that did. And then you have something to build on.

What was your plan before? What havent you tried yet? What are you willing to try now that you weren't willing to try before?

Change doen't just happen. We need to change stuff for stuff to change. And it will happen for you if you're prepared to stick at it, learn and put the work in.

Wishing you all the best for sobriety and recovery. BB

Sweetpeacan

Six string,

I am very new in recovery and just over two weeks ago I thought really what is the point? The point I find is that I am worth it as you are and is everyone on this site. It looks like you have many friends on here, I hope you listen to them,they care. I do too. I have been in the very same position as you, drinking to not care,thinking oh another failure,can't do it,won't get up again,the terrible shame with all of that which makes thinking not getting up again is easier....then that little voice inside me willing me on to get up, and all the encouragement and the advice from here,so I did.

I am changing things in my life and doing different things, giving myself a better chance to knock that AV on its butt next time it thinks of calling on me.

Sorry being a bit new and probably overly gung-ho here, pink cloud and all that (for the umpteenth time). I hope you find strength and encouragement from here to keep on, it will get better, you know that. Much empathy and support to you. Sweetpeacan

bllit

This is so true . The next morning after drinking is the real you talking not your av it's quite because it got what it wanted we need to listen and remember what the real you and I wants not the av when it wants it's fix again easier said than done ,but it can be done just read here !

tomsteve

yes, and can be summed up in words written many years ago:
"No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master."

but then i found a new master- one that could help me to live- not help me to die.

Nonsensical

You are addicted to alcohol, so part of your neurology is broken. Don't believe everything you think.

I know.
I was ate up with it.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Infuse your life with action, but never, never, never, never give up.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

heavencanwait

We have all felt that way I am sure at one time or another. You can do this. Don't put yourself down too much. That is the AV talking. There is always hope. You just have to reach out for it...and of course stick here with us. We are great at supporting one another.