When is enough, enough?
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
When is enough, enough? Alcoholic dad
Hi there, don't really know where to start or what to say but here goes..
I'm a 22 year old daughter of an alcoholic father. Growing up I had a 'normal childhood'. Both mum and dad were present and active in mine and brotehrs upbringing it was actually normal. Looking back now I can see dad was and has always been a drinker (and a smoker) . Every night he would have a few beers but he was functional. Picking us up from school, watching us play sport. Of course on the weekend he would get pissed with "boys" and stumble inside and pass out. But we were young, we didn't know.
Fast forward to 2013, dad suffered a MASSIVE stroke. The royal Melbourne hospital was home for 3 months. Had to learn to walk and talk again. He never fully regained his left side of his body, this become "disabled" and no long able to work. Obviously this took a massive toll on the family. However we delt with it the best we could.
Dad turned to drinking more and more where he would come weekly blind drunk, claiming no one "loved him" at home and his mates at the pub only cared about him. He would lie where he was but as soon as we saw him, we knew he had been there. One night me (20) and my brothers (18) even had to call them ambulance because he was bleeding from his head after stumbling home.
The last 2 years have been incredibly hard. Dad doesn't even take his medication (anti depressants, blood thinners for his stroke). When he's drunk he even says he doesn't wanna be here. Mum and dad sleep in different beds. The words that come from his mouth are so incredibly cruel and what he says hurts so so much. There have been nights where I cry and beg for him to stop drinking.
But I love him and then for the next 2-3 weeks he won't get blind drunk (just 1 beer at night every couple of days). I will feel so much guilt because he's my dad and I know he is sad inside but I don't understand how he can't see that we are sad and that he hasn't let us down. He will be a great dad for those couple of weeks after a big fight but then it will happen again. The vicious cycle.
I don't know what to do. I tell mum let's move but then when I see him trying I feel the guilt and the pain.
I'm a 22 year old daughter of an alcoholic father. Growing up I had a 'normal childhood'. Both mum and dad were present and active in mine and brotehrs upbringing it was actually normal. Looking back now I can see dad was and has always been a drinker (and a smoker) . Every night he would have a few beers but he was functional. Picking us up from school, watching us play sport. Of course on the weekend he would get pissed with "boys" and stumble inside and pass out. But we were young, we didn't know.
Fast forward to 2013, dad suffered a MASSIVE stroke. The royal Melbourne hospital was home for 3 months. Had to learn to walk and talk again. He never fully regained his left side of his body, this become "disabled" and no long able to work. Obviously this took a massive toll on the family. However we delt with it the best we could.
Dad turned to drinking more and more where he would come weekly blind drunk, claiming no one "loved him" at home and his mates at the pub only cared about him. He would lie where he was but as soon as we saw him, we knew he had been there. One night me (20) and my brothers (18) even had to call them ambulance because he was bleeding from his head after stumbling home.
The last 2 years have been incredibly hard. Dad doesn't even take his medication (anti depressants, blood thinners for his stroke). When he's drunk he even says he doesn't wanna be here. Mum and dad sleep in different beds. The words that come from his mouth are so incredibly cruel and what he says hurts so so much. There have been nights where I cry and beg for him to stop drinking.
But I love him and then for the next 2-3 weeks he won't get blind drunk (just 1 beer at night every couple of days). I will feel so much guilt because he's my dad and I know he is sad inside but I don't understand how he can't see that we are sad and that he hasn't let us down. He will be a great dad for those couple of weeks after a big fight but then it will happen again. The vicious cycle.
I don't know what to do. I tell mum let's move but then when I see him trying I feel the guilt and the pain.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about your father's drinking. That part is out of your hands. What you can do is set the boundaries you need to in order to be healthy and at peace in the meantime. Often times that means detaching with love and recognizing that we can't control someone else's choices, and we aren't responsible for the consequence of those choices. They are. When we realize this, we don't fall for all the drunken self pity and woe is me my life is so awful bologna that alcoholics like to dump on their loved ones. It's not harsh. It's removing ourselves from their vortex of chaos. You have a right to love your dad from a distance and not have your life held hostage to his alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think the hardest part of alcoholism for the family is accepting that there is nothing you can do or say or threaten to make them stop drinking.
Al-anon does help the family learn healthier ways to detach from the drinking not the drinker. Maybe you and your mom could begin this journey together, commit to each other that you are both important enough to attend.
Al-anon does help the family learn healthier ways to detach from the drinking not the drinker. Maybe you and your mom could begin this journey together, commit to each other that you are both important enough to attend.
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