Arpeggioh

I'm currently five months sober this time around. I've had years of experience with inpatient rehab, AA meetings, long periods of sobriety, short periods of sobriety, a member of SR for eleven (!) years...in short, I'm quite well acquainted with my alcohol abuse, and the many methods I've used for dealing with it. I've had some success, and many failures, over the years...

My thoughts on "recovery" tend more toward AVRT and secular, cognitive / behavioral therapies. My last detox experience convinced me that I'll probably not recover from another relapse; thirty years of progression has destroyed my body's ability to process alcohol. I firmly believe that a return to drinking will kill me. I am not suicidal...

I live alone, and have lots of free time. I spend a lot of it here, reading for hours, posting occasionally, and I get a lot of support and enjoyment from this site. However, I also spend too much free time, especially evening hours, eating in front of the television and getting fat. I need something else to do...

I've attended hundreds of AA meetings over the years. I've always felt welcomed, and never had a bad experience. But I've also never had a sponsor, and never "worked the steps" of the program. I've always felt like I wasn't getting it, like I wasn't doing it right. Obviously I get the irony: I wasn't working on recovery, so certainly I wasn't doing it right!

I'm pretty sure, at this point, that I'm not interested in sponsors or step work or surrender or turning it over to a Higher Power or any other of the many philosophies that make up the heart of AA. I am, however, interested in having a place to go every evening, a destination, an appointment, where I'm surrounded by people who are trying to stay sober, like me. I know, having a desire to stop drinking, that I'm certainly qualified to attend! But I wonder if it's disrespectful of me to "use" an AA meeting as a simple destination, with no intention of working their program.

I'd welcome any thoughts or opinions anyone might have about this; thank you in advance!

Arp

Marcus

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Maudcat

Hi, Arpeggioh.
Perhaps you enjoy the companionship within the fellowship? The feeling that you are not alone in your quest to stay sober?
That's fine. There is nothing saying you need a sponsor or that you must work the steps.
Go to the meetings. Take what you like and leave the rest.

lookinforward

Arp....I have several friends that do exactly that...they go to have a place to go that is safe and useful in their recovery....they do not do the steps and no one judges them. You may have to bounce around to a couple different meetings to find the right fit.
D

BlownOne

I second what Marcus said. You don't have to 'buy into' AA's philosophy if you don't agree with it. The fact that you want to stay sober is enough.

Mummyto2

Go for it, whatever keeps you sober is a step in the right direction good luck

hellrzr

It's great you think that you've found something that will work this time but it sounds like in the past you've tried many things that haven't worked. Would it be the worst thing to attend AA meetings and honestly try working with a sponsor and following the steps? 5 months is great but you said you've had that much time and more and things seem to go right back to square one. Maybe actually following the program would help you end that cycle?

With that said, there are many people who attend meetings for the social aspect of it. Many of them also see how sponsorship and the steps have helped so many others so they give it a shot and find success. Hopefully whatever road you follow it's one that makes you happy in life!

FreeOwl

I 'use' AA - as an always-there place to land, to remind myself why I chose sobriety, as a tool and as a community I know I can return to when I need or want it and it'll be there.

I try to 'give' to AA by also sharing my experience, strength and hope when I do go. I try to be a member of the AA community with something to offer despite the fact that I don't go frequently anymore.

I also "use" AA by reading the Big Book and using the steps as a part of my approach to being aware in life.... conscious and focused on being my best. I've never done the full-course "work the steps" approach as prescribed - but I've applied all of the steps to my life at various times in various ways that have served me and supported my sobriety and my personal growth.

I firmly believe that's a valid path, and has been working for me for nearly 4 years.

Do what works for you, be honest with yourself, be open, always be deepening your sobriety.... if you 'own' these for yourself, then AA can serve you and you can serve AA without being a full time, dedicated AA devotee.

some will tell you that's not OK, or won't work. Hear them out, reflect on their points, but if you feel this will serve you then don't let others' rigid perspective limit the benefit for you or scare you off from incorporating AA in your sobriety toolkit.

Anna

I think you should do whatever works for you and whatever it takes for you to stay sober and recover.

AlwaysGrowing

'desire to stop drinking' is the only requirement. Maybe you will find someone like yourself who is there for the same reason.

Berrybean

Of course you can just go to the meetings.
Plenty of people do that.

BB

Fly N Buy

Put an extra buck in the basket.........keep coming back

MissOverIt

I went to my first AA meeting on Friday and have been thinking the same question. But honestly, I'm done thinking too much about it right now and am going back on Monday. My thinking hasn't kept me sober more than a month and half at a time so I'm trying something different (which happens to have worked for tons of people). Keep going and good luck to both of us!

january161992

my thinking has always been the problem

the drugs/ alcohol were the symptom

following direction at meetings and then taking action is why im sober today

Berrybean

BUT. If you find yourself wanting the kind of sobriety that other people have who are using the program and not just going to meetings, you will presumably be able to work out what the next step should be I hope.

I've been down that road myself. Sitting there thinking there was something wrong with me becaus eeveryone else 'got it' and I didn't. Feeling sorry for myself and my awful past and horrible life that it all MADE me so sad and angry. Took me6 months of wafting in and out of meetings to actually hear. Like Hear 'How It Works' and realise that I wasn't doing sobriety justice.

So. Yes. By all means cherry pick AA. Anyone is free to do that. But what I've found over time is that the people I meet at meetings whose faces shine. Who love life. Whose smiles come from their eyes as well as their lips. Who have experienced those promises coming true for them ... They tend to have got that way by working the program, not just attending meetings.But then, you don't really need ME to tell you that. Go along to meetings and you can do your own research.

BB

D122y

Arp,

Exercise is my go to move for filling time amd boosting my moral.

I also play a terrible guitar, but I can play very loudly. Jk.

After enough exercise and guitar playing even someone like me might attract a partner to exercise and play guitar with.

The main thing I offer is understanding my addiction. I can get clean, but the crave lasts forever. It is branded coping mechanism that I am forever cursed to have.

Yay...

Thanks.

Learninganew

It sounds to me as though part of you is dissatisfied with aspects of your life, such as a lack of things to do, boredom, getting stuck in the TV eating and so on and perhaps you're then slightly blaming AA for the other problems. I've done that. When things are working for me, AA is part of a rounded programme of interesting things I do over the course of the week. It's not the only activity and it's not the only thing I think about but if I forget about it altogether, that's often the start of a path which leads to trouble.