Andagain

Hey soberfriends

Something struck me today about just how sad and limited my life was when drinking, and its something I'm writing as a motivator for when the av voice returns.

Today, because not being drunk or hungover 24/7 has left me with time to spare, I decided to just go for a wonder. I live in a very nice area, not particularly well off or anything, but working from home has allowed me to afford a place that's out of the way from the city enough to be cheap and be in a very pretty part of the country.

So I decided to explore it. And I realised that I'd never seen any of this stuff right on my doorstep. And the reason I hadn't seen it is since I moved here, about two years ago, I have so rarely ventured outside of my three places of existence, my house, the supermarket (to buy booze) and the route to the supermarket.

In fact, I have been so isolated, that there's a shop, literally a two minute walk from where I live, a little farm shop that sells jams and veg plucked from right behind it. That I've never seen before. One of the few hobbies I kept while drinking was a love of cooking and I'd have certainly loved this place, and I never knew it was there. Because I never went anywhere, I never did anything, I didn't live my life.

So that's what this made me think of, just how much alcohol isolates you, mentally and physically.

Andagain

Whoops, spelt the title wrong. Reminder*

PhoenixJ

Aa,

Jezzi

That sounds so lovely. Great on you focusing on the positives

PhoenixJ

Stupid computer-

AA - ironic, that- yes booze isolated me- from the world and then when I did not feel safe being me- through drinking to oblivion daily, I lost myself (plus wife, family etc). The recovery program I am in also streams for housing, so at present I am in a very nice unit in the CBD. The things I notice are- birdies waking calls, fresh ground coffee, hot breakfast pastries. I discovered art- I avoid the word 'therapy' as that conjures up images (to me) of gluing popsicle sticks together. They have an artist come in free 2 hours week- so for 7 months I used this person a lot. Apparently I have a raw talent- so paint to define my moods. I am emotionally ******** from booze. So on walk a bouts I notice shades, colour, texture, depth..I look up at buildings- not just down or straight ahead. I know if I ever drink again- next time I will not be as fortunate and I will surely die. Enjoy your recovery, and keep writing stuff down.

Andagain

I have no ability to create art, I've just never been able to draw, but I have been writing a lot which I find helps. Bit of diary stuff, some fiction. I realised if I do 500 words a day I could have a short story a year. Which sounds like a cool thing to focus on.

PhoenixJ

yes- good. I seriously journal- it is a very important recovery tool, as to refine and deine thoughts into words helps clarify them. I write a bit of fiction stuff. No where ready to share it. A bit of poetry too. Better than drinking.

incognition

I agree with this. All the isolation that usually comes with drinking really screwed up my ability to express myself (as well as some lasting brain damage, it would seem). I've been trying to write at least a little each day. Nobody has seen any of it, but that's probably for the best.

(BTW I can't draw either)

hpdw

Andagain, your post was my first read Sat morning and i,m glad I read it as its so true . Simillarly when I was performing i,d hope no one was watching me on my route to and fro the off licence whch was only 5 minutes walk but seemed like 50 minutes . The feeling of relief when I got back with my bag of poison was well a feeling of relief . Luckily the past few months while I was on and off comparitively smaller drining sessions I didnt need to do that but I remember so well the shame ,fear guilt ,embarrassment of when I needed to go on those 10am walks for more boooze ( UK licencing opening times ) . I cringe at that now .
Dont ,t worry about little typos i,m the worlds worst at grammar and spelling as long as we get the point across .

Thanks for reminding me how it USED to be .

Maudcat

Limiting is exactly the right word to describe what alcohol does to us, AA.
My life just got smaller and smaller as I focued on the drink.
So glad to be out of that mess.
You sound good.
Peace.

D122y

And,

Totally agree.

Drinking, addiction in general, does that....so they tell me.

I just got back from grocery shopping....at 6 am. Wanted milk.

I haven't done that ever...in 52 years. It was fun.

I also zipped down the highway at 80 mph fairly comfortably.

Haven'tdone that

Hevyn

So very true, Andagain. In my case I actually thought it helped me be more sociable, have more fun, be more interesting - in fact, it did just the opposite. Thanks for a helpful post.

D122y

And,

Totally agree.

Drinking, addiction in general, does that....so they tell me.

I just got back from grocery shopping....at 6 am. Wanted milk.

I haven't done that ever...in 52 years. It was fun.

I also zipped down the highway at 80 mph fairly comfortably yesterday. Haven't done that in 20 years.

I don't look at the last 15 years or so like lost years.

The drunken nights and hung over days were my life. I not so proudly own them. They defined me. A big fat drunk.

I am proud to have pulled out of my death spiral.

SR gave me the immediate information I needed to initially survive the first 3 months. That was my most insane time. After that, at the wors, it was periods of hellish anxiety. My education about addiction got me through.

Each person here, passing on information, got me through to now....knowledgeable about my addiction.

12 steppers, SMARTies etc....all pitched in...just like I do now.

Thanks,

Midwest1981

Andagain- I love to go exploring now that I am sober too. I really have found a lot of interesting things in my area too. Lots of trails and nature walks. Also lots of fun 2nd hand shops and veggie stands. Even some amish food stores.

It sure feels amazing to be awake!! Life is to gorgeous just to let it pass by!!

Andagain

Perhaps its the novelty but for some reason I'm now a bit fan of going to the shops in the morning. Maybe in my head its because I know the state I would normally be in.