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The dark place in my brain

Old 08-11-2017, 08:18 AM
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The dark place in my brain

Hello, I do not have an addiction to alcohol but I do have an alcohol problem so to speak.... I have always enjoyed drinking but my problem is when I binge I do not seem to have a cut off point and always end up drinking a ridiculous amount and in the past it has gotten me into trouble. The most worrying thing about my drinking is that sometimes I will think it is a good idea to drink shots and because you can drink several before the alcohol enters your bloodstream I end up getting really drunk and out of control to the point where I don't know what I am saying or doing and I can be really nasty to the people I care about. People say that you are honest when you are drunk but what I sometimes become just isn't me and shares nothing with my usual personality including views and actions. I recently drank 12 beers (3 cans, 7 bottles, 2 pints ranging from 4 - 6%) and then I drank quite a few shots (maybe 5) of 85% proof absinthe. I said some really horrible things to my partner which I would never think normally (not even secretly) and then I sent an inappropriate message to a long term female friend who I am not even attracted to. I woke up the next morning a could remember none of this, I saw the reply to the message I sent on my phone and I replied and then deleted all messages but I now cannot even remember what I replied and this was the next morning! My partner does not understand this dark place in my brain because she drinks sensibly and it just doesn't affect her in the same way and she doesn't believe that I can get so drunk that I don't know what I am saying/doing and that what I say or do when drunk is not necessarily what I truly think. She also does not believe that I can wake up after 8 hours sleep and still be drunk to the point that I cannot remember the things I do that morning! Does anyone else have similar issues or any scientific answers which may help me make her understand/believe me?
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:26 AM
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Do we have similar issues?.....well YES , we are alcoholics

Scientific answers for blackouts? Sure , when you drink excessively your amygdala and receptors inside your brain become dampened and eventually damaged.

That will not help the fact that your girlfriend is hurt by this......stopping drinking will help tho
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:33 AM
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Thanks for your response Chilledice, first line made me laugh (not being disrespectful), I have decided to completely cut out spirits from my drinking and limit myself to a safe amount such as 5 beers or a bottle of wine to prevent this from happening in the future as it is only spirits which really seem to break my brain in this way!
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:33 AM
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"Blackouts" are when you drink so much that your brain is no longer able to record events onto long-term memory. You can be coherent and able to carry on conversations (as well as engage in awful behavior) when you're blacked out, but you won't remember any of the events after you sober up, because as far as your brain is concerned, they never happened.

By the way, repeatedly drinking to the point of blacking out, saying horrible things when you're drunk, insisting you don't have an alcohol addiction, and then blaming the problem on your girlfriend for not understanding you, are all classic indicators of a serious alcohol addiction.

If and when you come to the realization that the problem is you, and you're truly ready to quit drinking, SR is a great place for support and help in finding a solution.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
Hello, I do not have an addiction to alcohol...
Lucky you. Then quitting and never drinking again should be a breeze.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
Thanks for your response Chilledice, first line made me laugh (not being disrespectful), I have decided to completely cut out spirits from my drinking and limit myself to a safe amount such as 5 beers or a bottle of wine to prevent this from happening in the future as it is only spirits which really seem to break my brain in this way!
I think just about everyone on this site has tried and failed to control their drinking in this manner. If you can do it, hats off to you. If you find you can't, well, we'll still be here to offer support in stopping entirely.

Oh, and alcohol is alcohol. The delivery system doesn't matter.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:43 AM
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Andante, I appreciate your message and I am in no way blaming my girlfriend for not understanding, I am trying to help her understand what happens to me when I drink excessively. I behaved badly after drinking what I stated in my message and it is not the first time I have behaved in this way and through my life it has caused me a lot of problems. I do not depend on alcohol to get by from day to day but I do have an alcohol problem which has plagued my life since I was a young man. I hope I am not offending people with my question but I didn't know where to go to get answers. I will be cutting spirits out of my life immediately as they are what usually cause me the problems.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:48 AM
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Andante, your words from your first message have really made me stop and question myself. Thank you for your advice, I think I need to do some soul searching.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:49 AM
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You either get sober and stay sober or you continue the way your going, sorry if that sounds harsh, but cutting down on drinking and being fab and happy with no consequences doesn't seemed to have worked so far, as you wouldn't be here, good luck in what you decide
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
Andante, your words from your first message have really made me stop and question myself. Thank you for your advice, I think I need to do some soul searching.
Welcome to the first step in recovery.
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:40 PM
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Stick to beer and wine if it affects you, spirits obviously impair your judgement more than other drinks because their stronger and affect you more quickly. But some people find it's just easier stopping drinking altogether then the worry of wondering how much you're drinking is taken out of your mind.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:41 PM
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Cheers James, thought about cutting it out completely but me and my partner enjoy a bottle of wine at the weekend so as long as I can control it I should be ok, just need to be strict with myself.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:57 PM
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" Does anyone else have similar issues or any scientific answers which may help me make her understand/believe me?'
why does SHE have to understand/believe you?
so you can say,"see, this is why it happens and this makes it ok!!"
??????????

no excuses for it- no one forced alcohol down your throat.

and now your contemplating still drinking, just not spirits?

i sure hope ya decide to seriously think about this.
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
as long as I can control it I should be ok, just need to be strict with myself.
and when you cant control it?
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:06 PM
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I wreck another relationship! This was happening frequently but I've only done it once in the last year and a half and I'm determined to not let it happen again. So on that basis, am I in control?
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
So on that basis, am I in control?
seems to me that people who truly are in control dont contemplate if theyre in control.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:09 PM
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Here is the way I would explain it: "I figured out I am an alcoholic or very close to becoming one. This means I cannot control my drinking. When I drink, I cant stop. Maybe once in a while I can moderate, if I am really careful, but inevitably, the way this disease works is progressive, so moderation never lasts. Never. (you can definitely point her to THAT science... look it up yourself, lots of science behind this truth. Addiction to alcohol is progressive. And addiction, btw, is the inability to use logic to stop you from continuuing to drink when it is clearly harming your life, your health, and your relationships). So ... I have decided to abstain. That way I wont hurt you or myself anymore. Because I didnt ASK to have this problem. I had no idea I would have this disease. But now I know, and because of that, IT IS NOW MY RESPONSIBILITY AND NO ONE ELSE"S TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY DISEASE."

Id say something along those lines.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:11 PM
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I don't know, I am getting better at controlling it but every now and then I let myself down. I think I could quit completely but I'll sure miss that beer in the garden on a hot summers day and the Saturday night bottle of wine and a movie.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Thevalley05 View Post
I don't know, I am getting better at controlling it but every now and then I let myself down. I think I could quit completely but I'll sure miss that beer in the garden on a hot summers day and the Saturday night bottle of wine and a movie.
Would you miss your girlfriend more if she left you?
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by herculana View Post
Here is the way I would explain it: "I figured out I am an alcoholic or very close to becoming one. This means I cannot control my drinking. When I drink, I cant stop. Maybe once in a while I can moderate, if I am really careful, but inevitably, the way this disease works is progressive, so moderation never lasts. Never. (you can definitely point her to THAT science... look it up yourself, lots of science behind this truth. Addiction to alcohol is progressive. And addiction, btw, is the inability to use logic to stop you from continuuing to drink when it is clearly harming your life, your health, and your relationships). So ... I have decided to abstain. That way I wont hurt you or myself anymore. Because I didnt ASK to have this problem. I had no idea I would have this disease. But now I know, and because of that, IT IS NOW MY RESPONSIBILITY AND NO ONE ELSE"S TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY DISEASE."

Id say something along those lines.
Thank you, some amazing words from the people on this site and so much understanding and support.
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