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Pink cloud help

Old 08-11-2017, 12:10 AM
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Pink cloud help

Hi, my name is Lee and I'm a 23 year old alcoholic. I tried everything else several times before alcohol but never became addicted to any illegal drugs. This is my very first post on this forum and I am absolutely looking for any help I can possibly get. Alcohol has absolutely abolished any type of quality of life I once had. I came straight out of highschool and A student and went straight into college for two years and then really messed my life up with alcohol. I died, and got revived and stayed in a comma for three days. Before that 2 DUIs. One lowered to reckless driving. I'm definitely in the pink cloud phase, it's been great. Although it's been almost too great, I was definitely delusional at the start. I don't know if I'm ready for reality to hit or not as my whole life has been in a terrible depression. That's what started the drinking. Now I'm just high on life, not sure if I'm ready to come down or if I ever will come down, everyone in AA meetings especially the old timers have told me to stay there as long as I can. I just don't know what to make of all of this. There's so much more but I should probably stop here and just hope for some guidance here... Need friends bad. Please help me.
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Old 08-11-2017, 12:28 AM
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So happy I'm terrified delusional help omg

Sorry about the lack or paragraphs I just wanted to get it all out fast. Its3:23 am here basically talking to myself. I really really really really really really need some help with this I don't feel comfortable calling my sponsor at this hour. I feel like I'm never going to sleep, it's been like 48 hour binges of staying away to 14 hours of sleep this week, no schedule, yesterday rode my bike for 30 miles to make 2Aa meetings I'm just done with all this crap I don't want to be this happy I'm borderline having delusions of grandeur and it's embarrassing. I even had a doctor tell me only I could help myself but I know that's not true because I know another alcoholic can help .
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Old 08-11-2017, 12:35 AM
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3:33am: higher on life right now than I've ever been off of all the drugs and alcohol iver ever done in my life .... Scared to death but can't feel it at all I'm just so happy this paradox **** is going to kill me I'm really scared I've made myself schitzophenrenic because this can't be normal.
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:36 AM
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Hi Lee

it's perfectly natural to feel a little relieved even euphoric in the early recovery phase, and it's definitely normal to be scared about it/freaked out about this strange happy feeling and the wondering what happens next.

Try not to worry - I'm sure you're no crazy than the rest of us... you'll feel better after your sleep settles down

there's a ton of good advice and support here - good to have you join us

D
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Old 08-11-2017, 01:48 AM
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So why are you scared? Because it's likely to fade back into a bit of normality, or that it won't fade back into normality. Or just because you feel that you are someone you do not recognise at the moment?

I think there could be a bit of allof those causing some fear. Change is scary. But you know, this really is positive change. Eventually things do even out as life starts to resume business. But you will, through the steps, learn ways to deal with the less happy days as and when they come along.

For now I'd suggest just enjoy the happy days while they're here, but don't get complacent. They're here because you're sober and working on your recovery. NOT because you are cured. The program works when we work it. You're obviously doing the business with your sponsor and reaping the rewards right now. At difficult times in our lives those 'rewards' might feel a bit different. Life the AAer whose daughter hung herself. No, she wasn't high on serenity, BUT... she coped. She was able to view her daughters body with decorum and dignity. She was able to turn away from the majority of the family feuding. She was able to know that she had done the right thing and her best for her daughter at the funeral. Sometimes, say at a job interview it can mean that we are not crippled with fear, even if we are still nervous. Sometimes it will mean that we can cope with rejection in an adult way that is not just about ego and ourselves and what we want.

So. If at the moment you're getting some feelings of euphoria, enjoy them. I missed how many weeks / months sobriety you currently have, but I'm presuming fairly early days. Forgive me if I'm wrong on that. In early days we are raw. Plus, we are not used to ANY emotions coming at full volume because we've been numbing them for a while. So when we start feeling them, boy they do hit us!! Whatever those emotions are. So, I'm pleased for you that you're happy just now. The downside is that fear that is rattling you. The opposite of fear is faith. Do you have your higher power established / in mind yet? Even if not, maybe try this smple prayer...

God I pray that you will grant me freedom from the bondage of my fear and replace it with faith. I feel that I am also getting delusions of grandeur and pridefulness. Please grant me freedom from the bondage of pride and self-importance and replace these with humility and the willingness to seek your will and carry it out. Amen.

You could also do a gratitude list. That is often settling.

If you really really can't sleep why not lay back and relax and listen to some AA speakers. My favourites are Earl Hightower, Sandy Beach and Clancy. You can often find them easily enough by searching on youtube, or this site is great...
https://www.recoveryaudio.org/

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:22 AM
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when on a pink cloud, best to ride it out and have a pink parachute because,as with in hard times
this,too,shall pass.
get a sponsor,read the big book,work the steps, go to meetings,pray.
repeat.
are ya doin any of those now,other than going to meetings?
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Old 08-11-2017, 02:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Leebo93 View Post
because this can't be normal.
if it wasnt normal,you would never have heard it called a pink cloud.
if you cant sleep,read your big book.
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Old 08-11-2017, 04:14 AM
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I consider this a moment of grace as the body and mind start to heal. It was during this enthusiastic stage in my program I vigorously did initial step work and got in the middle of the fellowship with service. I encourage others to do the same as that experience is bankable and can be drawn on when we predictably are in the valley.

Keep coming back
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