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Excruciating day today

Old 08-10-2017, 12:29 PM
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Excruciating day today

That's the only way to describe it. From the minute I woke up I felt 'edgy', like I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I soldiered on anyhow and managed to drive out to an outdoor pool for a swim. I then tried to find somewhere for a nice lunch but was so indecisive, I kept drifting in and out of places...it's like I couldn't settle. I came home feeling really down. I thought of buying a bottle of wine, beer, anything to lift my mood. I do suffer from depression, have for many years and take anti depressants. I've seen many councillors too. It all just feels like an uphill struggle. I felt so bored and alone today, everywhere I looked there were couples and families. I feel like a reject, a misfit and a flawed human being that nobody wants. I guess not drinking brings all our feelings up and there's nowhere to hide. My mind was zooming everywhere, the past, the future, which looked very bleak.I know I need to keep myself busy, do excercise, live more in the now etc... I know all the answers and I will do it. I just wanted to acknowledge how utterly hopeless I felt today and how agonising it was to just 'be'. It's been 14 days, I hope it gets easier. Thanks for reading.
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:31 PM
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Yes.... There are days like these (even weeks) and so glad you recognized!

I was going though a very weird week ... But snapped out of it for some reason.

Sometimes we just need to let it "happen"

CONGRATS on the 14 days!
Best to you.
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:32 PM
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But despite all those feelings you did not drink. Power to you.
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:40 PM
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Originally Posted by decchemist View Post
But despite all those feelings you did not drink. Power to you.
Thank you, I needed that!
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by MidnightRider View Post
Yes.... There are days like these (even weeks) and so glad you recognized!

I was going though a very weird week ... But snapped out of it for some reason.

Sometimes we just need to let it "happen"

CONGRATS on the 14 days!
Best to you.
I'm glad to hear you snapped out of it. I think you're right, maybe sometimes not drinking means, 'riding the storm' Geeze it's rough though....phew. Thank God today is nearly over and I get to go to bed!!
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:48 PM
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It's good to know that there will be good days, and bad days. I don't know my process is going to go, but I know it'll be rough. Do you blog or journal down your thoughts? I write poetry sometimes...but yeah, I get the boredom. Seeing that you made it through the day just shows your strength is increasing, and if you can handle the bad days, you can handle anything. You're giving others confidence too. Good luck
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Old 08-10-2017, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by soulpower89 View Post
It's good to know that there will be good days, and bad days. I don't know my process is going to go, but I know it'll be rough. Do you blog or journal down your thoughts? I write poetry sometimes...but yeah, I get the boredom. Seeing that you made it through the day just shows your strength is increasing, and if you can handle the bad days, you can handle anything. You're giving others confidence too. Good luck
I think journaling and blogging sounds like a good idea, not tried that. Thanks so much for your encouraging words, I REALLY appreciate it. Yes, in spite of it, I didn't drink because I know in my heart it is not the answer.
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Old 08-10-2017, 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Georgie123 View Post
I feel like a reject, a misfit and a flawed human being that nobody wants. I guess not drinking brings all our feelings up and there's nowhere to hide.
Georgie I'm at 14 days too and feel like you (the above quote) I admire and appreciate your honesty and candor. I've been battling my AV for a few days now. It's telling me to end the boredom, have a drink, be merry, enjoy the summer. Without drinking I've become somewhat of a hermit and don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything social. I sure hope this phase passes.

Like you I think it is a process to get to know the new me. The one that doesn't drink out of boredom and lonlieness but finds other outlets (can't wait, feeling so numb over here, almost paralyzed).

Good on you for not drinking and giving in today Georgie! You inspire me to do the same.

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Old 08-10-2017, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by DaisyBlueNew View Post
Georgie I'm at 14 days too and feel like you (the above quote) I admire and appreciate your honesty and candor. I've been battling my AV for a few days now. It's telling me to end the boredom, have a drink, be merry, enjoy the summer. Without drinking I've become somewhat of a hermit and don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything social. I sure hope this phase passes.

Like you I think it is a process to get to know the new me. The one that doesn't drink out of boredom and lonlieness but finds other outlets (can't wait, feeling so numb over here, almost paralyzed).

Good on you for not drinking and giving in today Georgie! You inspire me to do the same.

Hey,
Thanks so much for the supportive and encouraging words, I'm so so grateful. It's like I've got understanding and recognition. Sounds as if you're feeling EXACTLY like me, the name AV voice, the same numb, paralizing feelings. So good that someone else understands. I watched a YouTube clip on dealing with boredom but the author of the book, the a naked mind. Even though I was feeling the agony of boredom whilst watching it, it really resonated with me....worth a watch.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, it's made me feel so much better.

I'm so pleased I have inspired you to stick with it too.
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Old 08-10-2017, 02:36 PM
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Hey, me too, day 16, AV was a b**ch today!!! I was ok this morning & then i kept thinking...im gonna b so dull sober, why cant i drink, what about if i just drink for special occasions, what if i stop hiding my extra bottle.....blah-blah-blah...u know how it goes!!
I went nuts with the housework & met a friend for coffee...i guess we just have to distract our minds when we feel like this or come here & cry on each others shoulders!!😂😂
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Old 08-10-2017, 02:47 PM
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Hey there,
I'm sorry you had such a rough day. If it helps, I also had an awful day - wanted to jump out of my skin. Good on you for not drinking.
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Old 08-10-2017, 03:45 PM
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It will definitely get easier and better Georgie - but congrats on 2 weeks!

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Old 08-10-2017, 05:12 PM
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Definitely can relate to the feelings of being a "reject, a misfit and a flawed human being that nobody wants."! So weird to hear someone else say these things sometimes. Felt that way horribly yesterday - even in the rooms. This place really helped me (Thanks Dee and others!). Wife didn't want me, kids won 't have anything to do with me, friends turned against me after the divorce... What's wrong with me? On and on. Do have a few good friends and very grateful for them but had to relocate and don' get to see them. Very lonely here. Point is - you aren't alone in feeling these ways and I didn't have to drink over them and neither do you! Day 21 tomorrow!
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Old 08-10-2017, 05:28 PM
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Hey Georgie,
I'm on day 14 too (well technically 15 now as its 1.30am) and I understand.
I am finding I am having really good positive days and then the down days really pounce upon me and threaten to bring me back down.
I have a long history of ill mental health and am on meds too. As you say, there is nowhere to hide anymore and we have to deal with those feelings we normally drown.
I don't really have any advice or wisdom but I am really glad you got through it without drinking. I have been really craving especially reaching the 2 week milestone **go on just reward yourself, have a blowout then quit again,, its easy, you have already done it, you can do it again, just one more blowout** but I am cleverer than my addiction is strong and I am beating it.

Keep going, we are in this together
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:23 PM
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Georgie - I'm sorry you had such a miserable time.
I felt that way on and off for a couple months. We're learning to live in a whole new way. Be patient with yourself.

Proud of you for not drinking and making it over that hurdle. You're doing this.
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:11 PM
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things that happened while not drinking:
1. i never woke up ashamed
2. i never woke up with a hangover
3. i haven’t had diarreaha
4. i walked so much
5. my brain felt clear
6. i was very tired and slept alot
7. i didn’t really feel like talking to anyone
8. i couldn’t imagine a life without drinking with my current group of friends
9. i decided to become a full time dog walker
10. i started thinking about drinking again.
11. i drank (aug 11 #11 day 14)
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Old 08-11-2017, 03:29 PM
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i know all the feelings you described all too well.
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Old 08-11-2017, 05:27 PM
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i get that too. post here- lots and lots- join a thread or 2. support to you.
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Old 08-11-2017, 05:42 PM
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How's it going today, Georgie?
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:20 PM
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I hope today was better for you Georgie. Sending hugs <3
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