Andagain

Hey there soberfriends

Sorry for a bleak start to my comments today, I promise I'll get back to other threads later.

So, I have a problem, I didn't consider myself bulimic, I thought I threw up a lot because I drank too much.

But since I've become sober I've realised I have an eating disorder and my alcoholism was only.. I guess a platform for it.

I'm not sure how to explain it.

Essentially I have non stop anxiety 24/7, it is non stop. And when I worry sometimes I throw up.

As part of that I throw up a lot, I always thought it an alcohol thing, but after getting upset.

So when I went to the doctors I was diagnosed with a slow stomach as a result of my problem.

However, after quitting alcohol I still throw up, I don't know, long.term I could destroy my stomach.

I'm trying so hard, I quit drinking. I can't control my emotions. I did everything I'm supposed to do but no improvement, I try to stay positive, I really do.

Being afraid makes me worse, I can't even worry about the thing that might if not disable me, actually kill me.

My demon is anxiety and it's killing me, the solution I came up with is killing me, being sober and being anxious as a result is killing me. I dunno man, I feel trapped.

I'm scared, to be honest.

Dee74

Hi andagain
I'm sorry you have to deal with such high level anxiety.

I'm no authority but unless you're purposely stuffing yourself with food and deliberately purging later, there's probably a better fitting name for it than bulimia?

Vomiting may be a reaction to high level anxiety or it may be from many years of drinking and the effect thats had on your stomach - I think only a Dr would know for sure.

I know you're new to recovery and a few weeks in...and I know it's very common to be worried about our health in the early days.....but sometimes it can take a little longer than we'd like to mind and body to heal after years of active addiction.

Try not to worry. There's every likelihood that if this is stomach related it will get better with time and patience - and sobriety of course.

If its anxiety it can be treated and managed to a very great extent.

Try not to feel demoralised - this is not the best your life to come is going to be .

You will negotiate this, like you've negotiated everything else

D

azwakeupcall

I agree with Dee's sentiments, as bulimia is the intentional throwing up of food (usually to control weight). People who throw up a lot aren't bulimic unless they are forcing themselves to do so. I've had a couple bulimic friends, and believe me it was a very calculated process. They brought toothpaste with them to restaurants and excused themselves multiple times to vomit. One even expressed to us how wonderful her new weight loss plan was. Anyway, yes you can get so good at it that you can just "think" a vomit, but is that what is really happening? Anxiety can lead to nausea. Anxiety is not bulimia.

D122y

And,

I get what you are saying.

I think you really need to see a dr. They can give you great meds that can calm you right down.

Don't suffer, don't drink. Drinking may calm you temporarily, but in the end it makes us worse and riddles us w other issues.

I believe anxiety is like a family trait sometimes. My aunt takes meds and they seem to make her at least content. I feel anxiety at times, so I figure a have a bit of wat she has.

I work out pretty hard. It really really helps me.

Please see a dr. Throwing up is a pretty horrible thing and obviously extremely bad for you.

Thanks.

Andagain

Hey Dee. Well, I used to make myself throw up before I drank because I had problems with acid reflux. For a long time (years), I ate, purged, went to the store, bought alcohol and got drunk.

I don't make myself throw up anymore, I guess me throwing up would be more of a long term side effect.

I went to the doctors after quitting drinking when I for seemingly no reason, threw up what I ate 16 hours earlier. This is when I was diagnosed with a stomach not properly functioning. It happened again today. Apparently it's fairly normal for a while when you've thrown up for so long and I've calmed down a little, I just guess I thought it was over for now and it upset me because I thought physically at least this would have changed.

Perhaps I need to be more patient.

My anxiety affects me every day, I struggle to plan for the future because deep down, I think there is no future.

My girlfriend told my I'll be that one annoying person who outlives everyone and complains the whole way there =)

Andagain

You know, I went to the doctor and the anxiety stuff just never worked for me, I don't know why. They told me it's a trial and error thing but after a few tries I just never found something that worked for me. I have cbt therapy and I'm getting better step by step, I think I just freaked out and need to be more patient.

Exercise has helped for me too, my plan is to run 5k (I'm only up to 2 right now but I'm pretty overweight) and improve my time and do bodyweight exercises. Perhaps in ten years I'll be able to do some crazy spiderman stuff! You never know =)

Andagain

I didn't mean my poorly chosen words to compare it to that, I'm sorry. While I did throw up on purpose it wasn't a diet thing it was to... man this sounds pathetic, to make my drinking more enjoyable. So I guess what I'm dealing with now would be more of a bulimia, if it can be called, that, aftermath I guess, brought on when I'm anxious.

Andagain

I'm not sure why, but I found this especially inspiring. Thanks Dee =)

Berrybean

Hi.

I'm an AAer working the 12-step program. It has helped a lot of my anxiety and helped me to deal with life on life's terms rather than trying to control things or change my feelings through compulsive behaviour. The one area that I could not work out how to apply my recovery to was eating. Recently I went to some OA meetings. Although it is Overeaters Anonymous actually it is for anyone with issues around food. Some people are compultive eaters, others are binge and purgers, and others are restrictors or restrictor / purgers. And some have exibited a range of these over time.
Anyway. I know that you are someone who is exploring the 12-step program , so it could be interesting to pursue.
It might be worth investigating if there are meetings local to you anyway.

There is also a subforum for Eating Disorders on here which you might want to read around.... Eating Disorders - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

BB