Helping relative get help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 8
Helping relative get help
I am sorry guys I know this is for supporting families but I wanted to get your opinion. I want to get my brother help by getting an interventionist involved and convince him to go to rehab. I was wondering if anyone has tried this strategy and if you did was it beneficial or worth it? Thank you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
an intervention directed by a trained professional is at best an OPPORTUNITY for the addict to seek the help that is offered. however the addict always retains the right to refuse. the family and loved ones have the opportunity to express their concerns, but unless they too are willing to change their own behaviors, the outcome for all remains lack of change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I personally have not been involved with an intervention but I do know many who attempted it with disastrous results.
An intervention needs to be well thought out and well planned out. A professional should also be involved as well as a rehab facility already lined up and waiting to accept him should he agree to go.
Family and friends need to set real hard boundaries with him should he chose not to go. Be prepared to cut off finances, rides, food, shelter anything anyone is providing him that he should be providing for himself. Most family/friends are not fully committed to doing all of those things out of fear. So many emotional issues regarding enabling need to be address by the family/friends first before they would be anywhere near ready to do an intervention.
Have you or family given nar-anon or al-anon a try? How about counseling with an addiction specialist who could help you navigate your way towards offering support should he chose recovery for himself.
An intervention needs to be well thought out and well planned out. A professional should also be involved as well as a rehab facility already lined up and waiting to accept him should he agree to go.
Family and friends need to set real hard boundaries with him should he chose not to go. Be prepared to cut off finances, rides, food, shelter anything anyone is providing him that he should be providing for himself. Most family/friends are not fully committed to doing all of those things out of fear. So many emotional issues regarding enabling need to be address by the family/friends first before they would be anywhere near ready to do an intervention.
Have you or family given nar-anon or al-anon a try? How about counseling with an addiction specialist who could help you navigate your way towards offering support should he chose recovery for himself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 8
I am planning to hire an interventionist affiliated with a rehab program. Have tried al-non but kinda difficult to commit to with a 3month old and a 2yr old. I don't live him. He just lost his job and has moved back with my parents. He is a functioning alcoholic. He is currently looking for a job and planning to move far from
Us. So I wanted to do the intervention before he moves and get a job. He really is independent at the moment. He has enough money for food and rides from Lyft/uber. So not sure what we'll have to do to gain boundaries.
Us. So I wanted to do the intervention before he moves and get a job. He really is independent at the moment. He has enough money for food and rides from Lyft/uber. So not sure what we'll have to do to gain boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
How old is he? Did he lose his job due to his drinking? Are you parents on board, fully on board with doing an intervention and doing what ever is necessary like setting a time limit on how long he can live in their home for ?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Abmis, if he's a functional alcoholic at this point (and "functioning" is a stage, not a type), chances are good that he himself does not have a problem with his drinking; the problem is YOURS. I think it's fairly unlikely that an intervention is going to accomplish much w/someone who doesn't seem to be looking for help (at least not that you've mentioned) and who likely doesn't even think there is a problem to be addressed.
This intervention idea sounds to me like an attempt to "make him act right", especially since you want to do this before he moves out of your area and out of your control. However, he is out of your control already; none of us can control anyone but ourselves. You cannot force recovery on anyone--as the saying goes, it's for those who WANT it, not those who NEED it.
I'd second the suggestion to get to Alanon. Yes, you have kids, but so do others who manage to go regularly. Many meetings offer child care for a nominal fee (usually a dollar a kid, in my area) and you could likely take the youngest one into the meetings with you. I believe it would be a lot better use of time and energy for you and your family to focus on fixing yourselves than to focus on trying to fix someone else. It's a lot harder to look at our own "stuff" than someone else's, but it's also a lot more worthwhile.
I realize that probably makes very little sense to you, to talk about "fixing yourself" when clearly HE is the one w/the problem, but if you read some Alanon literature and get to a handful of meetings, I think it might seem less goofy...
This article might help too.
But I Don?t Want to Go to Al-Anon!
This intervention idea sounds to me like an attempt to "make him act right", especially since you want to do this before he moves out of your area and out of your control. However, he is out of your control already; none of us can control anyone but ourselves. You cannot force recovery on anyone--as the saying goes, it's for those who WANT it, not those who NEED it.
I'd second the suggestion to get to Alanon. Yes, you have kids, but so do others who manage to go regularly. Many meetings offer child care for a nominal fee (usually a dollar a kid, in my area) and you could likely take the youngest one into the meetings with you. I believe it would be a lot better use of time and energy for you and your family to focus on fixing yourselves than to focus on trying to fix someone else. It's a lot harder to look at our own "stuff" than someone else's, but it's also a lot more worthwhile.
I realize that probably makes very little sense to you, to talk about "fixing yourself" when clearly HE is the one w/the problem, but if you read some Alanon literature and get to a handful of meetings, I think it might seem less goofy...
This article might help too.
But I Don?t Want to Go to Al-Anon!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
