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Trying since 2013, so lost

Old 08-09-2017, 07:21 AM
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Trying since 2013, so lost

Wow I'm lame. I've been trying on and off for 5 years to quit drinking.
I'll be all motivated, won't lose weight, and go back to it.
I tried AA, didn't like the lectures, and even left here for a year because I felt like I wa being judged and lectured.

I'm looking for a place to help me that won't beat me over the head.

Tough love doesn't work.

It makes me go the opposite way. Makes me even more worthless.

This is a conversation I had with a friend yesterday.

We were talking about why I cannot lose weight.

Friend: You don’t need kitchen devices you need to stop ******* drinking.
Me: It's the only thing that gives me joy
Me: I can hide from how terrible I look and feel.
Friend: Well that’s messed up and makes me sad. You don’t have to hide. Read that back to yourself - it’s the one thing we KNOW is keeping you back from how you WANT to look and feel

I'm just lost. I don't know if I even want to try because when I fail, I'll be lectured. Had anyone ever felt this way?
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Old 08-09-2017, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by snarky View Post
Me: It's the only thing that gives me joy
Drinking gives pleasure, no doubt. That's why I drank for decades.

But it is a trick of the addiction to believe it is the ONLY thing that is pleasurable. Problem is we never look for those other things because we are always drinking. And - OH! - those side effects are murder!

Stop drinking.
Find those other things that you enjoy.
You can do this.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:47 AM
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snarky,
it's a tough spot to be in when you are trying to quit the one thing you perceive as giving you joy.
joy is a biggie.
i didn't feel it while drinking; i felt relief.
joy has come with sobriety.

am i reading correctly that you think you should quit drinking in order to lose weight, and not in order to be sober?
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:56 AM
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Snarky,

Hi it's good to meet you. I'm glad you've come back. I'm fairly new here posting, but I too have been around here "trying" to quit for years. This time finally feels different. I've been alcohol free since the end of May, and life is so much better.

It sounds to me like you are ready to make a change.

Drinking because others' lectures or tough-love style is making you mad and resentful is only, to use an old expression, "cutting off your nose to spite your face." You are only hurting yourself.

This is your only life and your only body. Is this what you want to continue to do with it?

You deserve better. You deserve more. You have more to give.

If it's really true that drinking is the "only thing that brings you joy", are you satisfied with that as a statement about your life? Would you really want to come to the end of your life and have friends and loved ones saying, "the only thing that brought her joy was drinking"?

You can choose to rebuild and create a life with more meaning and substance. REAL joy. REAL meaning. Not oblivion in alcohol.

You may know this already, but anyone taking the time to "lecture" you or try to help has really nothing to gain or lose for themselves. They are trying to help you. How you react to it is your choice, and the only one paying the price for your behavior is you.

Have you considered talking to a therapist, if AA or this group isn't working? Maybe one on one with the right kind of specific support you are looking for will help.

What I found worked, finally, for me is to not think of it as quitting alcohol, or denying myself, but finally deciding I wanted a better life for myself. To choose to heal, to choose sobriety, for myself. I wanted health and energy and to regain my old passions and joys and interests, free to experience life for real again. Not numbed and dimmed by alcohol. The kind of "joy" you are getting from alcohol is a hollow substitute, in the moment only, that brings misery in the long run.

YOU are worth it. You deserve better.
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:33 AM
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You might try a different approach that looks logically at addiction, rather than those programs who see it as a character flaw. Cause its not a character flaw, its ADDICTION, and there are even chemical reasons for the way you feel when you describe how NOTHING ELSE gives you joy other than drinking.

Thats your BODY talking. Not the true essence of WHO YOU ARE.

I would try reading the NAKED MIND and also watching her videos. She researched addiction in depth and it was through the knowledge she gained that she was able to quite drinking. She did not like the AA route for her own journey, so she did not take that route.

Here is one of her GREAT videos where she talks about feeling good only by drinking and WHY that happens:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qts9ZWg5eek
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:35 AM
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This one about drinking euphoria is even better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01g8mYXVQQY
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by snarky View Post
I'll be all motivated, won't lose weight, and go back to it.
It takes time to reap all the benefits of sobriety. If your expectations are high and your patience low, you aren't giving recovery a fair chance, then disappointment is understandable.

Can you commit to a period of time, say six months sober, to give your mind and body time to heal from the effects of your drinking? Then re-evaluate?
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:46 AM
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Learning in depth about how you became addicted (chemically) can GO A LONG WAY to helping you detach from your addiction and take a level-headed, logical approach to becoming sober for good. Its been helping me so much more than the programs that resort to chastising you for lack of will power.
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Old 08-09-2017, 03:21 PM
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Wow, I literally almost cried reading that. I'm so confused. I don't even know why or how to start anymore. Everything is so overwhelming. I really need to ball up and cry and run away. I'm so tired of it all. Thank you for posting here. I really appreciate it.

I deserve better? Really hard for me to understand. I'm trying. Thank you


Originally Posted by tealily View Post
Snarky,

Hi it's good to meet you. I'm glad you've come back. I'm fairly new here posting, but I too have been around here "trying" to quit for years. This time finally feels different. I've been alcohol free since the end of May, and life is so much better.

It sounds to me like you are ready to make a change.

Drinking because others' lectures or tough-love style is making you mad and resentful is only, to use an old expression, "cutting off your nose to spite your face." You are only hurting yourself.

This is your only life and your only body. Is this what you want to continue to do with it?

You deserve better. You deserve more. You have more to give.

If it's really true that drinking is the "only thing that brings you joy", are you satisfied with that as a statement about your life? Would you really want to come to the end of your life and have friends and loved ones saying, "the only thing that brought her joy was drinking"?

You can choose to rebuild and create a life with more meaning and substance. REAL joy. REAL meaning. Not oblivion in alcohol.

You may know this already, but anyone taking the time to "lecture" you or try to help has really nothing to gain or lose for themselves. They are trying to help you. How you react to it is your choice, and the only one paying the price for your behavior is you.

Have you considered talking to a therapist, if AA or this group isn't working? Maybe one on one with the right kind of specific support you are looking for will help.

What I found worked, finally, for me is to not think of it as quitting alcohol, or denying myself, but finally deciding I wanted a better life for myself. To choose to heal, to choose sobriety, for myself. I wanted health and energy and to regain my old passions and joys and interests, free to experience life for real again. Not numbed and dimmed by alcohol. The kind of "joy" you are getting from alcohol is a hollow substitute, in the moment only, that brings misery in the long run.

YOU are worth it. You deserve better.
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Old 08-09-2017, 03:22 PM
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I love this. That's the thing with AA. I felt like my lack of willpower was a sin. I didn't like being chastised because I am sick.





Originally Posted by herculana View Post
Learning in depth about how you became addicted (chemically) can GO A LONG WAY to helping you detach from your addiction and take a level-headed, logical approach to becoming sober for good. Its been helping me so much more than the programs that resort to chastising you for lack of will power.
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Old 08-09-2017, 03:23 PM
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I've never gone more than 52 days without a drink. I was so angry and upset and depressed it was like hell on earth. Awful. I'll try maybe a week to start.




Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
It takes time to reap all the benefits of sobriety. If your expectations are high and your patience low, you aren't giving recovery a fair chance, then disappointment is understandable.

Can you commit to a period of time, say six months sober, to give your mind and body time to heal from the effects of your drinking? Then re-evaluate?
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Old 08-09-2017, 03:24 PM
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The true essence, I like that. I'm going to watch this now thank you

Originally Posted by herculana View Post
You might try a different approach that looks logically at addiction, rather than those programs who see it as a character flaw. Cause its not a character flaw, its ADDICTION, and there are even chemical reasons for the way you feel when you describe how NOTHING ELSE gives you joy other than drinking.

Thats your BODY talking. Not the true essence of WHO YOU ARE.

I would try reading the NAKED MIND and also watching her videos. She researched addiction in depth and it was through the knowledge she gained that she was able to quite drinking. She did not like the AA route for her own journey, so she did not take that route.

Here is one of her GREAT videos where she talks about feeling good only by drinking and WHY that happens:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qts9ZWg5eek
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Old 08-09-2017, 03:26 PM
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Losing weight was actually the main reason I want to quit. I know the reason that I'm fat, ugly and weak is because of it. But I'm too weak to quit. It's terrible. I'm so trapped and I need to get out.

Sobriety was terrible for me. I hated every second of it. I was to weak to white knuckle it through more than 52 days like you did. I never tried again

Originally Posted by fini View Post
snarky,
it's a tough spot to be in when you are trying to quit the one thing you perceive as giving you joy.
joy is a biggie.
i didn't feel it while drinking; i felt relief.
joy has come with sobriety.

am i reading correctly that you think you should quit drinking in order to lose weight, and not in order to be sober?
snarky is offline  
Old 08-10-2017, 06:10 AM
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Snarky,

How are you today?

You said you are "too weak" to quit.. I don't think you're weak! That's the alcohol talking. It actually takes a huge amount of effort to drink and suffer through the hangovers and push through and do what you have to do to get through your days either drunk, planning to drink, recovering from drinking and dealing with the health impacts of all that poison in your system: extra weight, bloating, digestive issues.

You are not weak. But the alcohol is making you so!

Turn it around and think of spending your energy on sobriety and getting healthier. That will help you physically and emotionally. Alcohol not only does a number on our bodies, but on our state of mind. It increases anxiety and depression.

Please let us know how you are doing. You can get off this drinking treadmill and have a better life!

Hugs.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:41 AM
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Aww thanks. Failed again. I made it a day. I have had such a terrible week at work all I want to do is cry. I'm such a failure. I made it 19 hours.




QUOTE=tealily;6567394]Snarky,

How are you today?

You said you are "too weak" to quit.. I don't think you're weak! That's the alcohol talking. It actually takes a huge amount of effort to drink and suffer through the hangovers and push through and do what you have to do to get through your days either drunk, planning to drink, recovering from drinking and dealing with the health impacts of all that poison in your system: extra weight, bloating, digestive issues.

You are not weak. But the alcohol is making you so!

Turn it around and think of spending your energy on sobriety and getting healthier. That will help you physically and emotionally. Alcohol not only does a number on our bodies, but on our state of mind. It increases anxiety and depression.

Please let us know how you are doing. You can get off this drinking treadmill and have a better life!

Hugs.[/QUOTE]
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:44 AM
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Originally Posted by snarky View Post
Sobriety was terrible for me. I hated every second of it. I was to weak to white knuckle it through more than 52 days like you did. I never tried again
There is a saying...when a problem drinker quits drinking, the problems stop. When an alcoholic quits, the problems start.

That's why abstinence from alcohol is rarely enough for the alcoholic. Abstinence without recovery makes for a miserable sobriety, as you've found out.

There are solutions. Hope you find within yourself the strength to leverage them.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:50 AM
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Snarky,
I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. Have you talked to your doctor? It's possible you are struggling with depression on top of addiction. You don't have to keep going on this path. There's hope and help! Change is possible.

Hugs
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:11 AM
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I am sure I have depression. It's just turning into a really bad downward spiral. Maybe I'll try again today to quit.

Originally Posted by tealily View Post
Snarky,
I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. Have you talked to your doctor? It's possible you are struggling with depression on top of addiction. You don't have to keep going on this path. There's hope and help! Change is possible.

Hugs
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:12 AM
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Wow that's an interesting quote. I've never thought of that. I guess I really am an alcoholic.
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
There is a saying...when a problem drinker quits drinking, the problems stop. When an alcoholic quits, the problems start.

That's why abstinence from alcohol is rarely enough for the alcoholic. Abstinence without recovery makes for a miserable sobriety, as you've found out.

There are solutions. Hope you find within yourself the strength to leverage them.
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Old 08-10-2017, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by snarky View Post
Maybe I'll try again today to quit.
why only maybe?
i thought i read you were tired of this cycle?

not only that,
" I've been trying on and off for 5 years to quit drinking. "

maybe trying isnt the best option?

sobriety is something that is done- there are actions involved and there are quite a few different recovery programs available. they all require action.
there is going to be discomfort. there are going to be days that arent good.
thats why its called recovery- theres injury that needs to heal and healing will involve discomfort and bad days.
ive had 6 surgeries and a couple rounds of chemo. they all had discomort and bad days as i was healing.
eventually, the discomfort and bad days stopped because i was healed- i had recovered.
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