End stage alcoholic brother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
End stage alcoholic brother
My brother is close to death. He is 40yo, 1 year and 11 days older than me. He's been an alcoholic for 20 years - the belligerent, abusive type who has alienated his two brothers and myself. Never moved out of my parents home. Was up to a fifth a day last year when he decided to quit. Rehab for 3 months, drinking again after 2 weeks. I saw him last week for the first time in months. It was horrifying. He's lost so much weight and his belly is distended. Hes not jaundice but his skin color is just wrong, more of a grayish ashy tone. He barely eats and has been surviving mostly on Powerade for weeks. And he 100% absolutely and angrily refuses to go to the hospital or see a doctor. I hadn't spoken to him in over a year, but I went to see him last week after I realized how close to death he is. He got very angry when I opened his bedroom door, but I had brought him some pot to help ease his pain, so he allowed me in. I stayed for 4 hours, which is a miracle when it comes to our relationship. We didnt talk too much. His room was filthy - he won't let my mom in to clean - so I cleaned up for a few hours. He has diarrhea every hour or less, and had several accidents in his boxers and shorts. He can't sleep for more than an hour at a time. And he gets SO ANGRY when anyone suggests a hospital or even in home care. I just needed to tell someone about this. I had no idea it could end up like this. Its the saddest, most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm detached from my sister as well, and I'm in awe that you have the courage and fortitude to be there for your brother. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
I'm so sorry for what you are experiencing. I know that feeling of shock and sadness walking into a filthy bedroom and seeing a loved one in squalor, drinking their life away unable to even care for themselves. It's a pain you are never prepared to witness. I'm praying for you and he. Unfortunately not much we can do when they don't want the help or recovery. It's basically watching a slow suicide and not being able to do anything but be an audience member to it all (or not being one I suppose). Lots of love and prayers to you that hope is still alive.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I know what it is like to watch a sibling self destruct. I am sorry you and your family are having to witness something so painful. My brother also lives with my mother and she lives in a constant state of upheaval because of it. My heart goes out to all of you.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, imiss. Welcome.
My situation is just like yours, except that my alcohol-addicted sib is in his early sixties.
Sadly, they can keep going for a long time before succumbing to their many health issues.
I hav no advice to give. Just know that I share your pain and sadness.
My situation is just like yours, except that my alcohol-addicted sib is in his early sixties.
Sadly, they can keep going for a long time before succumbing to their many health issues.
I hav no advice to give. Just know that I share your pain and sadness.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 8
It breaks my heart to read this because I am kinda in the same place with my brother. He's almost 40 and has been drinking for 20yrs and won't get help. It's heartbreaking to see them deteriorate in front of out eyes and feeling helpless. God bless you. hoping for the best for your family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
Thank you to everyone for the kind words. I really am at a complete loss. I asked him about having hospice come in to help him with the pain. His response was absolutely not, because every time hospice comes, the person dies. I didn't have much to say to that, except to gently let him know that he WILL die very soon without treatment. I got him to drink some of a fruit smoothie that I made for him, and my sister-in-law got him to eat some cantaloupe. He is still angry at times, but not as belligerent as usual. I think he's simply too weak for that now. We still have hope that this will turn around in some miraculous way, but we also understand that it most likely won't. I plan to go and see him for a bit on most days, just so that he knows that he is loved before he moves on.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Oh sweetheart, I am so incredibly sorry.
I lost my younger brother in February. Severe alcoholic. It wasn't his liver, but his heart that gave out. Even though I had prepared myself for the last year to get "that call," that he had plowed into a telephone pole and died . . . Or took his own life . . . It hurt all the same.
I wish I could have told my brother I loved him before he died. I did after he passed and I was the only one there in the hospital at 3:00 am. I said goodbye in my own way.
I will say that over time, my anger has gotten less. I remember the happy times more. If you remember those happy times, talk about that to him.
Hugs to you. Hard hard hugs.
I lost my younger brother in February. Severe alcoholic. It wasn't his liver, but his heart that gave out. Even though I had prepared myself for the last year to get "that call," that he had plowed into a telephone pole and died . . . Or took his own life . . . It hurt all the same.
I wish I could have told my brother I loved him before he died. I did after he passed and I was the only one there in the hospital at 3:00 am. I said goodbye in my own way.
I will say that over time, my anger has gotten less. I remember the happy times more. If you remember those happy times, talk about that to him.
Hugs to you. Hard hard hugs.
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