brydubb

I know this sounds weird but I'm trying to pinpoint where my addiction became an actual addiction. Approximately 10 years ago I got divorced from an abusive husband. I was already withdrawn from the relationship and had a plan to leave before the separation. When the relationship was over and in the process of divorce(restraining order), I found myself making new friends, rekindling with old friends, and grateful to be free. I'm from a small town and there aren't really too many activities to do. So I'd find myself at the local bar after being invited by friends. I was having such a blast! At first, I'd consume maybe 3 beers maximum each time I go out. It was all about socializing and dancing for me. Then the bar trips became more frequent. Thus, the amount of alcohol consumed would increase too. I haven't ever stopped drinking since then. I did stop going to bars or clubs. Paying $4+ per beer was getting way too expensive. I will randomly attend once in a great while. I drink at home. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. I'm now up to at least a 12 pack but normally about an 18 pack every time I drink. Which is every other day.
So here's my problem... They say you should find out what triggered the actual addiction. For the first year or two after the divorce, I had it under control. I never mourned that relationship. Never wanted to go back. I was done before it was done. When I think of beer, I think of how much I love the taste. I think of how fun it makes everything. If I'm feeling good that day I think 'i should drink to make things more fun and more interesting'. I'll drink myself into Oblivion that night and have a massive hangover the next day. Then the following day do it all over again. I have become depressed and anxiety ridden since this addiction took over. No real problems I complain about. Just feeling down and anxious. Then I think 'drinking makes me happy and laugh and positive'. So I drink, and it has that temporary effect. I don't drink because I'm down, I drink because it makes my already good mood better. I'm a blast when I drink. Super happy go lucky. I'm a responsible and functional alcoholic. I want to quit because I'm wreaking havoc on my body. I went from being fit to obese. Eating like ****. Etc. There was no real situation or event that I can think of that made me lose control. So my question is: can you become an alcoholic just because you fell in love with alcohol?

saoutchik

It used to be fun for me too but once I reached the point when I couldn't stop then it changed from fun to scary.

I agree that it is useful to pinpoint what triggered our addiction and I expect that for most people alcohol was fun in the beginning so it is great that you have recognised it while things are still going well for you.

I notice that you joined SR in April 2015 and this is your first post so perhaps at least subconsciously it has been troubling you for some time. Good luck.

Forward12

I think that's the reason why people become alcoholics in the first place as being plastered to us starts off as a seeming euphoric bliss, thinking it's the greatest thing to ever happen, seems to make all our problems go away and everything is good etc,.. so we keep drinking and drinking, and before you know it, the once fun and games has turned into a full blown neck deep nightmare of addiction that can often times seem impossible to get out of.

BrandNewLife

You should read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp.

I think we all kind of start out that way. I never had a traumatic event that sent me into an alchoholic depression.

Like you, I thought I just liked the way it tasted and the good feelings were a bonus. This is the lie alcohol tells you though. Another good book that explains it is "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace.

You're addicted to a poisonous and addictive substance. And though you may be thinking you're just having a good time, it will just get worse and worse.

Mummyto2

It may start off with people thinking its fun, it certainly doesn't end that way

D122y

bry,

I used to joke the sobriety was for people that can't handle their booze.

The joke was on me.

imo...booze is a slow acting neuro toxin that alters our brain and body over time.

At some point we have to quit. Some early, DUI at 16 etc, some later, Domestic Violence/Assault, some later (me) physical and mental break down. I almost had several DUIs and DV/A incidents. Just got lucky...sorta.

The point is...booze is a govt sanctioned drug. It is a money maker for so many from cradle to grave.

If America/the World were filled with sober folks, so many people would have to find new jobs. The tax loss on all associated items would be staggering.

So, it is an individual thing. Some folks learn early on to not drink. They hate it. Some fear it. Others, me, loved it for many of the same reasons you mentioned.

So we here are educated and want to quit. That is half the battle won.

Quitting is nothing compared to staying quit.

Thanks.

bigsombrero

We do love to pinpoint why we're alcoholics - it's something we can spend hours on, inside our heads. Maybe it was because of our relationships with our mothers, our fathers, our sisters. Maybe a death in the family when we were 15, maybe it was a long-lost girlfriend who broke our hearts in college.

I'm not really sure why I am an alcoholic. But I am 100% certain why I got sober. I was physically and mentally addicted to a substance that had taken control of my mind, my body, and my life. Getting clean was the best thing I've ever done and I got to start a new life 5 years ago because I had the courage to put down the bottle.

Dwelling on "reasons why" things happen don't solve the problem. Wait until after you've fixed the issue to start your thesis on what exactly your trigger was.

Dee74

Hi and welcome brydubb

Actually I don't think you need to find the reason why you drink in order to quit - there's plenty of time for that after you get sober.

Action is the key to quitting and staying quit.

Like you I felt the only time I was happy was when I was drinking.

From the perspective of a few years know I can see I wasn't really happy - I just had a temporary respite from the things that wore at me.

The other thing to consider is...I was 'happy' because, good little lab rat I was, I had my fix.

I was deeply addicted to alcohol.

It is possible to leave drinking behind, and to experience real happiness again

You'll find a lot of support here

D

PhoenixJ

I never fell in love with alcohol. It was the only way my emotionally ******** mind could find to seek oblivion or escape into a shell that was disconnected with me.

Jezzi

this

MrPL

I think there is.

I very rarely drank deliberately because of a bad reason, of to run away from problems. I honestly enjoyed it until the very end, and it was only my lack of control over it that made me quit.

azwakeupcall

brydubb, from my own experience, drinking and excessive drinking are not necessarily brought about by hard times, or engaged in by dark or depressed people. Sometimes, sure, but certainly not always.

My first drink, age 18. Small group of friends decided we would try it and "party". It tasted terrible, but we all had a good time (once we got that buzz!). At that age, I was very wary of losing control of my faculties, so I took it really easy. As soon as I felt like I might no longer be myself, I stopped drinking and tried to sober up as fast as possible.

Fast forward a few years to college, and I had my first full-on drunk session. At a bar, with friends. I soon realized that I was attending a party school, and this is what nearly everyone did from Thursday to Sunday... drink!

Fast forward to young adulthood, responsible job holder. Parties were happening less and less. I learned, as people age they settle down. So, I found party-minded younger friends that went out 3 times a week and continued having a great time binge drinking with them. Alas, they too grow up eventually.

Fast forward to the beginning of middle age. It's a little harder to hang around with 20-somethings and go out every night, so a quick trip to the grocery store to buy a case of lite beer and rent a movie will surely be a fun time. This is where we begin to realize that we are no longer social drinkers. This is also the time in ones life where there is no longer an easy excuse for drinking (oh, Im in college, or oh, I'm young, or oh, I just have a busy social life!)

The question is, are we still having a good time? Can every day be a party? Is solitary drinking fun? If I'm answering those questions, my answers are sorta, probably not, and not really.

Horn95

In the hardest times of my life -- until recently -- I actually turned away from alcohol. And I found a real happiness. Then I started making some good money. I was relatively young, making good money, and single. The partying started, and it was all downhill from there.

I ended up here because I am predisposed to alcohol addiction. And all that is important now is that I rid myself of alcohol. It is the only way I find happiness again.

I don't think someone can become an alcoholic because they are happy. You may start alcohol as a party favor, but after a while, if you are like us, it morphs into THE party. And then, as it became for me, it was a means of survival. Now, it is a source of my destruction.

Can't let that happen.

In any event at least you know you were and can be happy without booze.

soberlicious

Habitual use of an addictive substance can lead to addiction. Alcohol and other mind altering substances quickly flood the brain with dopamine. It's a quick and easy way to feel deep euphoria. The problem is that the brain becomes used to this artificial increase in dopamine...begins to see it as normal per se, and the only way to get it is...more booze! Thus the begins the never-ending hamster wheel of addiction.

Good news is, after you stop flooding the brain it can recalibrate. Expect some discomfort at first. Keep moving forward without the booze and you'll find a kind of happiness and ease (even in the worst of times) that alcohol could never deliver. I did.

buk1000

I've been sober for 18 years and still I have not attempted to pinpoint why I'm an alcoholic. It doesn't matter to me at all.

And if I did think I figured it out, I would probably be tempted to try to fix the original problem and then see if I could drink normally.

least

It doesn't matter to me why I drank, the only thing that matters is that I don't drink anymore.