Carlsbrad

So, I made it 26 days.... It was tough man, i am not gonna lie. This group was the only thing that kept me going at certain points...
Last Friday I received a cancer diagnosis... It was THE PERFECT EXCUSE to start drinking again!! You couldn't frame this any better!
In the course of one week, it went from "oops....I had a few beers" to 6 AM vodka...... They always say that it is a progressive disease...... and you had better believe it.
Not to be a bummer, but just think about this if you are co
nsidering picking up a drink...

Carlsbrad

I am still on the sauce, and it is just going to be that much more difficult to stop "this time".... I am sooooooo over this.

Mummyto2

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I hope you can get back sober to deal with it head on, wishing you health and happiness

joandmelandhan

Carlsbrand I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. You're right the addiction doesn't give a stuff about what we're going through. I hope you can find the strength to put the drink back down xxx

Carlsbrad

Im trying... but alcohol is such a part of my fabric as a human being, that I cannot seem to quit.... its insane. I dont like AA, I dont like "spirituality," and I dont like being told what to do.... Yet, I cant function as a human being and drink a liter of vodka every day any more...it ISNT WORKING

Carlsbrad

Even my wife and parents excused this "slip" because of the cancer thing.....

Debbyjay

Wow, sorry to hear about the cancer! That would be a tough one. I hadn't thought about what happens if I am hit with something else. (My excuse up to now has been the death of my husband of 36 years and a recent divorce to a man that I thought would be the love of my life). I guess temptations come in all forms. I pray that you get back on the path!

Carlsbrad

Im screwed man.......

Carlsbrad

Im going to be 51 friggin years old this Fall.... This must end

Mummyto2

Hey your NOT screwed, could you go to ie doctor or professional to help you stop so you can see things more clearly, I know the C word is a flipping scary word, but drinking will esculate this so much more, keep posting and best wishes

Carlsbrad

Im considering a meeting this morning, but I have been drinking, and am an emotional wreck.... Trust me, I am not a drama queen, or an atten
tion seeker by any means, but this disease has me on the ropes right now....

PhoenixJ

EMPATHY ON THE DIAGNOSIS. BOOZE WILL NOT HELP YOU. try to get to the meeting.

Mummyto2

you get too that meeting, everyone there will understand, keep posting

Hope1989

Listen, it will be okay! You will get thought it.

WME3

Bro I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I am 51 myself and facing some potential heart issues but no formal diagnosis. Still, not the C word..... I am only on Day 16 (3rd attempt - had 10 years at one time) and can say without a shadow of a doubt that without the rooms I would be back out there. 90 in 90 / get a temporary sponsor, talk to people in the room and get some numbers. It really does help..... Best to you my friend

thomas11

I disagree Carlsbrad, I am very sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but your not screwed, you are just in a bad place right now. You can get out of this, but it will require some work. Praying for ya.

thomas11

Hey, I'm going to be 50 this fall. Two years ago I said the same thing you just said "this must end" and I did in October of 2015. It was time to grow up and live out the final years of my life being present for myself and my wife. This is cliche, but if I can do it, you can do it. I promise.

cocokramer

[QUOTE=Carlsbrad;6561902]Im considering a meeting this morning, but I have been drinking, and am an emotional wreck.... Trust me, I am not a drama queen, or an atten
tion seeker by any means, but this disease has me on the ropes right now....[/QUOTE

They don't care if you've been drinking and are an emotional wreck. Please give AA a shot.

I felt the same way about the spiritual stuff etc., but something at AA spoke to me. So I kept going back.

No doubt that this is a progressive disease and it can kill you.

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. In early recovery it doesn't take much for us to start drinking again.

AA does say that this is a spiritual malady. That does not necessarily mean god (died in the wool atheist talking here) but I was able to find my own higher power and more importantly, the support of other alcoholics.

Wishing you the best during these very difficult times.

MovingForward1

So sorry for your diagnosis. You're absolutely right about being right back at old levels so so quickly.

Then it gets worse!

I hope you seek out support for both of your diseases and gather the strength to move forward in the healthiest of ways possible.

tomsteve

yes, i can frame it better:
a cancer diagnosis is the perfect reason to stay sober.

i was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months into recovery.
stage 3 metastatic melanoma prognisis was about a 19% chance of surviving 5 years.
that diagnosis was in 2006.
im still alive and STILL sober today.
although i had heard from people that had been in AA long before i showed up that many people get a diagnosis of something and drink. most of them didnt make it back.
personally i still dont understand that. why, if im told that i have something that i may not survive 5 years9 which i was), would i want to go get drunk and have a huge self centered pity party? why would i do that and cause mor eharm to the people around me?
other than the self centeredness.
i didnt get sober to be told i was going to die- i got sober because i was going to die and i sure as hell wasnt gonna let alcoholism take me out. i wanted to live life to the fullest with what time i had left.
and as i said
im still here all them years later.
and if i decided to drink?
i am 100% convinced i would have died years ago and missed out on a LOT.

"but alcohol is such a part of my fabric as a human being"
no,it isnt, you werent born drunk and it was probably a few years before you took your first drink.

"I dont like AA, I dont like "spirituality," and I dont like being told what to do"
it would be nice to know your background with AA.
have you read the big book?
the program as laid out in the big book i have only has suggestions- never once tells me i NEED to do anything.
HOWEVER
the condition i was in when i got to AA- at the point of suicide- i was willing to go to any lengths. i didnt hate life- i just hated my life and myself.

i didnt like spirituality either.
until the day after my last drunk- the pain of getting drunk had exceeded the pain of reality and i was given the gift of desperation.
i surrendered.
i was quite glad and blessed to have had people explain the spirituality angle of AA for me. it didnt just save my life.i didnt have a life- i was just existing.
it gave me life.

"Im screwed man......."
no, youre not. there are many,many ways to get and stay sober and NOW you have a choice- stay in the self pity and keep getting drunk
or make a decision you want to get sober and are willing to do ANYTHING to get sober.
then get into action.

"Im considering a meeting this morning, but I have been drinking, and am an emotional wreck.... Trust me, I am not a drama queen, or an attention seeker by any means, but this disease has me on the ropes right now...."
the members dont care if your drunk at a meeting. in fact, wed rather see a drunk person at a meeting- society and the alcoholic that shows up drunk are safe for that time.

the disease concept as AA talks about it is a spitual disease. i learned real quick that it was a major reason i ended up at the doors of AA- i was being my own higher power. i was trying to run the show.
that got me drunk every time.

have you read the big book of AA?

whats the worse that can happen by going to a meeting this morning, then giving AA a shot for 90 days? go to meetings for 90 days, read the book, find a sponsor to help explain the program and guide ya through the steps, and work the steps.
THEN see what ya think?