bunny99672

HI, I really do not know what to do. I have spent hours reading the posts in here and my husband has a little bit of all of the traits. He knows he has a problem, but thinks that quitting for a couple of weeks will help. He will not go to AA-or any other program, he thinks he can do it alone. (right) Then it is "I only had one beer" and so on and soo on. The next thing ya know you come home from a business trip with your 6 year old in hand and there he is....gallon jugs of whisky all over the house crank lines on the table in the living room and bathroom, and he is on the floor with some girl naked and doesn't have a clue what day it is. He just knows he has been busted naked with hickeys all over his neck by his 6 year old daughter. Then the tears (from him), and sobriety.....for a while. I love him when he is sober and not in a bad mood. He has no real job, he just does odd jobs around town, while I work my butt off every day and go to school. Am I considered an enabler? I have left him befor, he has done the 3:00 am knock at the door drunk crying bit..........and I take him back. But the bads are outweighing the goods. realistically I know I should leave him again and for good, but 16 years with someone, it's hard to do, especially if there is a chance I can help him or he will change. I keep waiting for that............glimmer of hope,
I haven't found it yet. I detach myself from the situation emotionally so I can get through the day. I deserve so very much more than this. I just don't understand the whole addiction thing. I have given the altamatem "the buzz or us". and he still relapses. (not little ones either....major, major 4 day binges) is alcohol that big of a draw? Why would you throw away your family for a night of partying?
help................... :dead1:

dave

Hi my name is dave.Wow you know alcohol and drugs are a bad mixture and the only real advice i can give you is you should maybe get the hell away from this guy he is very sick and if he can,t get the help he needs then nobody can help him.You dont need your little kid seeing the way he is,and what about these affairs and what he could land up giving you if not already.I,m sorry if i sound mean but when us alcoholics get that far along sometimes the only thing to do is leave and don,t let him back till he sobers up for awhile,months.Its only advise do what your heart tells you to do good luck

Ann

Bunny

We don't usually give advice whether to stay or leave, that's a personal decision entirely up to you. But this situation sounds terribly unsafe, for you and for your 6 year old child. Please give serious thought to putting some distance between you until you can be certain that you want to be with this man, and that it is safe.

Take a read around, and know that you will find lots of support here. Read the posts at the top of this board, and if you haven't alreay gone to any meetings, maybe try a couple and see if you can't start getting yourself into recovery. I promise that you will see more clearly and find your balance if you just start taking small steps.

We're here and we care.

Hugs
Ann

JT

Bunny,

You work all day, go to school. He on the other hand, barely works and spends money on liquor, crank and whores. Gee....

Not trying to mean, not at all. Sometimes I need an outside party to see what I am not seeing. That's why I keep a good support system...like here.

You totally came to a good place! Please hang here...you need support!
((Hugs))
JT

Tigerlilly

Hello. Brand new to computers and brand new to being sober. this is day 3 for me, my boyfriend is in the hospital,I cant figure out how to chat here but I so need to talk to someone.

luvmyfurbabies

Bunny, first of all, welcome to the boards. SR is a wonderful place with great people and cyber shoulders to cry on. And second, please think about what Ann said about putting distance between you and him. I know 16 years is a long time to be with someone but enough is enough. You sound like you have the rest of your life pretty together. You deserve better and so does your daughter. Good luck and remember we are always here for you.

Dee at Mt Bully

Bunny--I have to agree- we usually try to be supportive without giving relationship
advise however it really sounds like you and your 6yr old are not in a safe enviroment.
16yrs seems like a lot but what happens when your child is a teenager and sees
these wild binges. It's a lot to think about and I would really encourage you to go
to some Alanon meetings and keep in touch with us here. We will all be thinking
about you and sending good thoughts. Dee

SJW

You've gotten some great advice from others and I'd just like to add that it is sometimes so hard to see clearly when we're right in the middle of a situation. If you can just leave or kick him out for awhile so you can get a little peace from the chaos, you might be better able to see what you need to do. But you need to give yourself some time without him in your life in order to see what it can be like without all of that. That will mean not letting him back in when he comes knocking at your door at 3 a.m. I know that is TONS harder to do than to say, but you need to be strong.

Once you have time and space away, you will probably be able to make choices that are right for you and your child.

My thoughts are with you.

SJW