TheOwl

my mind always wants to self destruct and i go along with it, sometimes i can put up a good fight but i always go back.
i've lost count how many times i've said that was the last drink now, i've been trying to get properly sober since january and i've only been sober for 3 months out of 7 so far.
2 months is the longest i've gone in 2 years without a drink. i'm 24 but i feel old. i started a group session for addictions and started going to aa but i felt so different to everyone else that i stopped going.
i am on my third bottle of vodka this week, i never used to drink that but its becoming my go to drink so i can see it getting worse but it doesn't bother me and that worries me.
i don't know what its going to take to get me to stop anymore. i don't even know the point of this as usual, just typing to get it off my chest i suppose.
i would like to talk to people who understands this but i don't know where to go, can't go to aa or anything because i'm socially awkward and i feel too young for the people there, if anyone would like to talk on here it would be great

MariahGayle

Glad your here & posting TO. You are in good company here as we know the struggle. I don't go to AA but understand their are young peoples meetings & if you dont feel comfortable in one meeting, your likely to find one you do feel comfortable in......sounds like some local support would be a good idea. I've been working on getting sober for over 5 years & currenly have 120 some days with many, "I'll never drink agains". I'm feeling hopeful this time with acceptance that alcohol is just not an option for me anymore.....period. When I have those days where it sound like it might be a good idea, I remember it isn't & make not drinking my top priority for that day & at the end of the day if I lay my sober head down, it's been a good day. (Hugs to you....NEVER give up)

Mummyto2

Hi, why not try smartrecovery.org, wishing you all the best

Dee74

I bet theres a part of you that doesn't want to do that tho.
Maybe it's time to nourish that part?


Feed the good wolf.

Decisions made to drink can be unmade too

D

TheOwl

thank you

TheOwl

i will look into it, thanks

MMartin

Good luck hun I feel exactly like you, I only did 10 days sober it's so disheartening to hear people doing so much better than me with a lot more days behind their belt but still struggling the same. I guess we need to realise it's a lifelong condition... I remember a guy in AA (I don't go anymore because I feel too awkward...) saying he still takes it one day at a time 11 years later. Keep talking keep fighting.. that's all we can do xx

TheOwl

thanks for that i know there is two sides to it but its hard controlling the bad one

PhoenixJ

I avoided AA for all the reasons you offered. My pattern was to find all the reasons why anything I tried did not work. Specialist psychiatrists (hypontherapy and addiction), counsellors (they just told me what I wanted to hear)..etc.
In the end- and it was literally then end- it was me, just me. There are SMART meetings you can try. There are different AA meetings. You do have something in common with people at AA meetings. They all drank, got through it in a lot of cases and have info you need. I ended up going to AA because I homeless and hopeless. I used to have a nice middle class home, family, great career. My thoughts about AA started in my mid 20's. Use the awareness you have to do stuff about it. Not the 'yes but...' - do the 'I will...' thinking. AA and SMART are free. They are like minded people who gain strength and support from a group. You do not have to share. Being socially awkward is what I was- because I drank in isolation. To become comfortable in social situations needs to learn to get confidence, social skills...
I needed help and support. Support and empathy given to you.

Dee74

The more you do it the easier it gets Owl - even if you've never beaten the urge before, you can learn how to

Here are some good tips on cravings & how to deal with them:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

and some suggestions on how you might feed that good wolf
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

D

Delilah1

Hi Owl,

Welcome to SR, it truly is a wonderfully supportive community. I'm not sure how you came across the website, I know I found it as I was searching something about drinking too much.

It is definitely scary getting started, but I promise you sobriety is worth it
I wish I had been smart enough to stop when I was younger, I stopped right when I turned 45. I had several periods of sobriety in my 30s while pregnant and also tried a few times to stop drinking in my early 40s. I finally decided I deserved better and came up with anrecocery plan that focused on getting healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Sounds like the amount you are drinking right now is pretty high, it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about quitting, and they can help with some of the early physical withdrawal symotoms.

You can do this, and can have a wonderful life sober!!

loulou1981

Hi Owl, i was the same in many ways. I slowly saw my drinking going out of control & this will b my 2nd try at sobriety.

I considered AA but the thought petrified me too much, perhaps ill change my mind in the months to come.

Im posting & reading here several times a day & ive booked an appt with an addiction therapist next wk. Im also going to try to keep a journal each day.

You certainly need to have a plan & definitely come here for support & advice