Hitting Bottom Story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 30
Hitting Bottom Story
It's amazing how a small event like a fender bender can evolve into utter chaos when an addict is involved... I've written about my son and his addiction, "almost homelessness" and subsequent mental health problems resulting (?) from it. But I still held out hope that he was going to turn it around and that he wouldn't ever "go after me" the way he had others. I'm his rescuer! He'd never turn on me, right?
WRONG. Last week I picked him up from a friends house... sullen, too sleepy and so unpleasant to be around. I stopped at a dollar store to pick him up some food (no more money). Him and his dogs stayed in the car and "slept". While I was backing out I hit another person backing out...
No big deal! cracked tail light, a little dent in my fender... not enough to run a claim or cover my deductible. NOTE: I was going 15 MPH, max. Both drivers basically agreeing to let it go... As we drove away my son decides he's "injured", and that I'm getting screwed and how his life sucks from a car accident so I should go after these people. Then he's verbally pushing, escalating, badgering, getting more frantic about pain and needing a hospital and how I don't care and how I'm a push over. We went to my house.
Then he's in my room and intimidating me, won't calm down, won't let it go. He called an attorney and said he wanted to sue my insurance for the injury he suffered in my car. I told him in very clear terms,"You need to decide if this is worth loosing all of my support and our relationship over because what you're doing is out of line, drug seeking and NOT WHAT I WILL DO! I will not help you with your car, dogs, laundry, rides or anything else if you go through with this. Think about it and choose wisely" .
BOUNDARY SET
He kept calling back the lawyer and badgered me about the lady who was involved in the collision. I told him to leave. He threatens to run into traffic to kill himself, takes his dog (no leashes) and I LET HIM GO. this is huge... I never let this happen, I'm too afraid of him harming himself.
Right then and there, I got my butt to an AL Anon meeting like my life depended on it, suddenly not afraid to hear the "bad news" that is spoken at some meetings. I was desperate for support and couldn't turn to my family. I told my bf about the car story and he was furious and helpless and said that my son was OFFICIALLY effecting his feelings for me, which really panicked me. I get it though, being a paramedic on Venice Beach he sees enough chaotic drug addicts and doesn't need it literally in his own home.
Right before the meeting, my son calls me slurring saying he opened a claim with my insurance company and I'd be hearing from them but now he's going to jump off an overpass and kill himself. I tired to reason with him which was insanity itself. I was a wreck during that meeting, but SO GLAD I went. No one made me feel afraid or judged me.... but of course that's not the end!
At midnight I got a call from an old neighbor saying my son was drinking and loaded in their garage where he lived for 6 months..."come get him, we have kids here". I was FURIOUS and had no idea that he's be a stumbling, crying, drooling wretch... it was awful to see and it only released more pent up anger.
I knew he was in a black out so I unloaded on him, saying all the hateful things in my heart, so fed up, so tired of being afraid and on pins and needles about him. I drove him to the ER because I was certain he was OD'ing, he couldn't hold his head up. But after threatening again to kill himself ... he jumped out of the car and almost got run over! Oh Lord!
He stumbled away in an awkward run & collapse attempt to escape. So I called 911 and was ready to have him committed. He was doing all sorts of strange behaviors, erratic and a total danger to himself. I was oddly calm, knowing somehow that this was MY bottom and that things would change from here on out.
The police were professional and the paramedics got him to the ER just feet away from where he jumped out of the moving car. He was handcuffed to the bed. I wouldn't sit with him. I called my ex, his dad who for the first time in 20 years, supported me and helped me through the medical decisions. This was certainly God at work.
I broke down at 3 am knowing my son would reject help. A social worker caught me in the parking lot and after a short interview said, "He's manipulating, and he's not ready"... I agreed. When I got home, the phone kept ringing as my son badgered me to come get him. My ex suggested I turn off my phone and I went to bed.
The staff consensus is that he's a sociopath, which I think is irrelevant as a diagnosis until he can be sober. But I came to a huge realization: I AM DONE... no more rescue, my help isn't helping him and it's killing me. I am worth saving from the effects of his disease. I have a therapist but I am also going to as many Al Anon meetings as possible, listening to a self help books from people specializing in addiction and it's effects on the family. I gave myself a 30 day no contact with my son.
I feel guilty that I feel free and relieved. This burden was huge and each day I waited for a call to fix him in some way and right now, that's stopped. I canceled the insurance claim and I'm looking for a sponsor. I know this is the "pink cloud" part of my "sobriety" but I am so grateful this happened and that I can finally get the help I need.
Thank you for letting me share
WRONG. Last week I picked him up from a friends house... sullen, too sleepy and so unpleasant to be around. I stopped at a dollar store to pick him up some food (no more money). Him and his dogs stayed in the car and "slept". While I was backing out I hit another person backing out...
No big deal! cracked tail light, a little dent in my fender... not enough to run a claim or cover my deductible. NOTE: I was going 15 MPH, max. Both drivers basically agreeing to let it go... As we drove away my son decides he's "injured", and that I'm getting screwed and how his life sucks from a car accident so I should go after these people. Then he's verbally pushing, escalating, badgering, getting more frantic about pain and needing a hospital and how I don't care and how I'm a push over. We went to my house.
Then he's in my room and intimidating me, won't calm down, won't let it go. He called an attorney and said he wanted to sue my insurance for the injury he suffered in my car. I told him in very clear terms,"You need to decide if this is worth loosing all of my support and our relationship over because what you're doing is out of line, drug seeking and NOT WHAT I WILL DO! I will not help you with your car, dogs, laundry, rides or anything else if you go through with this. Think about it and choose wisely" .
BOUNDARY SET
He kept calling back the lawyer and badgered me about the lady who was involved in the collision. I told him to leave. He threatens to run into traffic to kill himself, takes his dog (no leashes) and I LET HIM GO. this is huge... I never let this happen, I'm too afraid of him harming himself.
Right then and there, I got my butt to an AL Anon meeting like my life depended on it, suddenly not afraid to hear the "bad news" that is spoken at some meetings. I was desperate for support and couldn't turn to my family. I told my bf about the car story and he was furious and helpless and said that my son was OFFICIALLY effecting his feelings for me, which really panicked me. I get it though, being a paramedic on Venice Beach he sees enough chaotic drug addicts and doesn't need it literally in his own home.
Right before the meeting, my son calls me slurring saying he opened a claim with my insurance company and I'd be hearing from them but now he's going to jump off an overpass and kill himself. I tired to reason with him which was insanity itself. I was a wreck during that meeting, but SO GLAD I went. No one made me feel afraid or judged me.... but of course that's not the end!
At midnight I got a call from an old neighbor saying my son was drinking and loaded in their garage where he lived for 6 months..."come get him, we have kids here". I was FURIOUS and had no idea that he's be a stumbling, crying, drooling wretch... it was awful to see and it only released more pent up anger.
I knew he was in a black out so I unloaded on him, saying all the hateful things in my heart, so fed up, so tired of being afraid and on pins and needles about him. I drove him to the ER because I was certain he was OD'ing, he couldn't hold his head up. But after threatening again to kill himself ... he jumped out of the car and almost got run over! Oh Lord!
He stumbled away in an awkward run & collapse attempt to escape. So I called 911 and was ready to have him committed. He was doing all sorts of strange behaviors, erratic and a total danger to himself. I was oddly calm, knowing somehow that this was MY bottom and that things would change from here on out.
The police were professional and the paramedics got him to the ER just feet away from where he jumped out of the moving car. He was handcuffed to the bed. I wouldn't sit with him. I called my ex, his dad who for the first time in 20 years, supported me and helped me through the medical decisions. This was certainly God at work.
I broke down at 3 am knowing my son would reject help. A social worker caught me in the parking lot and after a short interview said, "He's manipulating, and he's not ready"... I agreed. When I got home, the phone kept ringing as my son badgered me to come get him. My ex suggested I turn off my phone and I went to bed.
The staff consensus is that he's a sociopath, which I think is irrelevant as a diagnosis until he can be sober. But I came to a huge realization: I AM DONE... no more rescue, my help isn't helping him and it's killing me. I am worth saving from the effects of his disease. I have a therapist but I am also going to as many Al Anon meetings as possible, listening to a self help books from people specializing in addiction and it's effects on the family. I gave myself a 30 day no contact with my son.
I feel guilty that I feel free and relieved. This burden was huge and each day I waited for a call to fix him in some way and right now, that's stopped. I canceled the insurance claim and I'm looking for a sponsor. I know this is the "pink cloud" part of my "sobriety" but I am so grateful this happened and that I can finally get the help I need.
Thank you for letting me share
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
ArtMachine!!!! I am so proud of you!
Isn't it the most amazing feel when we get to that " I am Done, Just Done" stage? It's like a thousand pound cloak slips off our shoulders. You seem to be seeing everything so very clearly now. You are taking so many positive steps to getting yourself healthy, it's awesome to see you so strong in your resolve.
* Big Hugs* Keep up that momentum, you are doing beautifully!
Isn't it the most amazing feel when we get to that " I am Done, Just Done" stage? It's like a thousand pound cloak slips off our shoulders. You seem to be seeing everything so very clearly now. You are taking so many positive steps to getting yourself healthy, it's awesome to see you so strong in your resolve.
* Big Hugs* Keep up that momentum, you are doing beautifully!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Yes, it is freedom. Freedom to let them go and know that your actions have no effect on their outcome. Sending you prayers. Another thing to keep in mind: Your son is a different person now. He will need to either find his way to a sober place/state of being or not. I always remind myself of this as I feel that draw to do something when my son is not sober.
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