Hello
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 7
Hello
I'm not sure where to begin. I've been drinking who knows how much for a good five years. In 2017 I admitted I drank too much and needed to quit. I've "quit" about 20 times this year. Sometimes it lasts a week sometimes only one day. I feel like I have a parasite on my brain that makes my body do things I don't even want to do, like picking up a bottle of liquor, then I get home and say why the did I buy that? I don't even want it. And then I don't know why, I get bored, lonely, frustrated and I have a drink. Once I have one, it doesn't affect me so I have another and then I wake up hours later and see an 8 oz or larger bottle is empty. It feels impossible to quit because my husband drinks so much, he doesn't even realize how much I drink. I'm about to get the final push out the door from my job. None of my "friends" ever call me and I'm done being the one to always get in touch with them. Sorry that got a little long.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome to SR, many people have quit just using this forum for support and information. you can too. Quitting is easy, staying quit is a bit more challenging. Make quitting a top priority, it gets easier with time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Sdjfam 
Have you ever tried telling your husband any of this? Does he know you want to be sober?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I'm glad you have decided to stop drinking and recover. It's good that your husband is trying to be supportive. Even though he doesn't stick with it, you can maintain your recovery. If he is drinking around you, maybe you could go into another room and read or watch a movie. He may be trying to sabotage you in a way, but you can move beyond that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Good to have you join us celia 
I thought I had a little parasite too, but ultimately it was just a part of me that was addicted.
There's nothing better for fighting that inner addict than support and you'll find a lot of that here
I thought I had a little parasite too, but ultimately it was just a part of me that was addicted.
There's nothing better for fighting that inner addict than support and you'll find a lot of that here
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
How about you just tell your husband that if he buys you alcohol you will just pour it down the sink - and if he buys it, do just that. It might seem like a waste, but I'm fairly sure that it'll show him you mean business and put him off doing the same thing again.
If there is something from the store that you would rather he buy for you perhaps you could help him out by suggesting that to him. After all, habits that have been a long time in the making are hard to break, and it sounds like this could be one of those habits. Yes, maybe there is a small part of him trying to sabotage you (just as we might have done to our drinking buddies if they tried to stop drinking with us before we were ready to call it a day - just we wouldn't have called it sabotage. I would probably have rationalized (read, made excuses) by saying I was trying to save the friendship lol. Of course, it would have been selfish, and fuelled by self-interest rather than love or respect for the other person, but alcohol does that to us all. It is like a poison in our relationships.
I found that some of my old drinking based friendships had run their course when I stopped drinking. That was pretty much all we had in common. And it took me a while to learn how to relate to people sober - I found it very scary making friends sober! Now, three and a half years in, I find myself with some amazing friends. Lots from AA, some from around and about the community (I get more involved in things nowadays ) and some from church. I am still in touch with a couple of my old drinking friends but each time I see them I find my perception of the world and what I see as my life purpose is getting further and further from theirs, and we have less and less in common. That is not their fault though. I am changing. Things DO change. I occasionally see an old school friend though, and I feel like each time we see each other we are getting closer in how we see things. We were awfully close throughout childhood, and she eventually stepped away from the friendship when my drinking and behaviour was getting out of control. This is something I was resentful and self-pitying about for decades. ("how could she leave me?!?!") I can laugh at that now. My idea that she should make it her job to follow me and pick up the pieces. Probably ruin her own reputation just by being associated with me (as happens in small towns) when I was so determined to go down that path. Anyway. I don't know the ins and outs of your friendships you refer to so can't comment on those, but I'd say just be mindful that things might look quite different to you a little down the line, so perhaps leave the doors open for now. No need for chucking the baby out with the bath water and all that. In between black and white there are not all those dubious shades of grey, but also a plethora of colours that escaped my notice while still labouring under an alcoholic mindset. And that mindset doesn't just go away because we have stopped drinking. We need to work on change and recovery. For me that seemed like a hard old slog, until suddenly there seemed to be a little epiphany. A transformation. Like when someone switches a light on and until that time we hadn't even noticed how dark it had got.
Anyway. I'm waffling now so I'll leave it there. Apart from to offer a very warm welcome to you and say I'm so pleased that you are here, reading and posting.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and, just as important, your recovery.
BB
If there is something from the store that you would rather he buy for you perhaps you could help him out by suggesting that to him. After all, habits that have been a long time in the making are hard to break, and it sounds like this could be one of those habits. Yes, maybe there is a small part of him trying to sabotage you (just as we might have done to our drinking buddies if they tried to stop drinking with us before we were ready to call it a day - just we wouldn't have called it sabotage. I would probably have rationalized (read, made excuses) by saying I was trying to save the friendship lol. Of course, it would have been selfish, and fuelled by self-interest rather than love or respect for the other person, but alcohol does that to us all. It is like a poison in our relationships.
I found that some of my old drinking based friendships had run their course when I stopped drinking. That was pretty much all we had in common. And it took me a while to learn how to relate to people sober - I found it very scary making friends sober! Now, three and a half years in, I find myself with some amazing friends. Lots from AA, some from around and about the community (I get more involved in things nowadays ) and some from church. I am still in touch with a couple of my old drinking friends but each time I see them I find my perception of the world and what I see as my life purpose is getting further and further from theirs, and we have less and less in common. That is not their fault though. I am changing. Things DO change. I occasionally see an old school friend though, and I feel like each time we see each other we are getting closer in how we see things. We were awfully close throughout childhood, and she eventually stepped away from the friendship when my drinking and behaviour was getting out of control. This is something I was resentful and self-pitying about for decades. ("how could she leave me?!?!") I can laugh at that now. My idea that she should make it her job to follow me and pick up the pieces. Probably ruin her own reputation just by being associated with me (as happens in small towns) when I was so determined to go down that path. Anyway. I don't know the ins and outs of your friendships you refer to so can't comment on those, but I'd say just be mindful that things might look quite different to you a little down the line, so perhaps leave the doors open for now. No need for chucking the baby out with the bath water and all that. In between black and white there are not all those dubious shades of grey, but also a plethora of colours that escaped my notice while still labouring under an alcoholic mindset. And that mindset doesn't just go away because we have stopped drinking. We need to work on change and recovery. For me that seemed like a hard old slog, until suddenly there seemed to be a little epiphany. A transformation. Like when someone switches a light on and until that time we hadn't even noticed how dark it had got.
Anyway. I'm waffling now so I'll leave it there. Apart from to offer a very warm welcome to you and say I'm so pleased that you are here, reading and posting.
I wish you all the best for your sobriety and, just as important, your recovery.
BB
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