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Went to a bar last night and it was fine

Old 07-30-2017, 07:38 AM
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Went to a bar last night and it was fine

I went to the liquor store on friday (actually three of them because nothing around here sells craft beer) and then last night, there was an impromptu junior high reunion at a local bar. Some great friends were there.

Wasn't tempting (I didn't think it would be), but I never drank in bars, ever. I had moved far away from any HS/college friends in my young adulthood. It was nice, but I was a bit a bit bored. I'll still say that conversation is a lot better with a dose of social lubrication.

All and all, this weekend, I realized, once again, that I was such an abnormal drinker (um, yeah, of course I knew this, but it helps to be confronted with that). My husband was very skeptical of drinking the beer I'd bought him, because as he said, he didn't want to drink on an empty stomach and he felt the alcohol content was too high to be drinking in the afternoon (it was a special kind). When he did drink it, he tossed half of it out because he felt highly buzzed (not a wimp, but just doesn't like that feeling).

Then, last night, all of these people from JH and HS, who were big party people back in the day, nursed their beers. I was there for two hours. Most had about 1.5 drinks in that time period. crazy. Oh, and no one got up to use the bathroom every 7 minutes to "not use the bathroom."

Happy Sunday.
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Old 07-30-2017, 07:46 AM
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Happy Sunday. I don't know how much sober time you have but I know for me being in the presence of alcohol or with people who are drinking is just playing with fire in the early days.

of course we are all different but I know it creeps up on me when I least expect it and it's too easy to give in and drink especially when those around are drinking.
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Old 07-30-2017, 08:05 AM
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Something about your post sounds too vicarious for me. To buy a "special kind" of beer for anyone, but especially someone dear like husband/partner, and then ride so closely their experience of drinking....this would mean I am mentally in trouble and close to another relapse.

I am talking about ME and I realize YOU may be different.

Edit: i think I'm just too freshly bucked off that horse to want the kind of experience you described. Kind of went all over me, I guess. I hope you are doing really well, Notgonnastoptry!
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Old 07-30-2017, 08:09 AM
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Lol. I never drank beer. Didn't like it, didn't have any effect on me except bloating and wouldn't waste my money when vodka was cheap and easier.

I think both of these occasions were non-events because they weren't things I partook in, even remotely. It's sort of akin to me going to a party where people are shooting up heroin (not to make light of that). I'm just not interested in that line of getting high, never have been. Was never interested in beer and never went to bars.

Neither were tempting in the least. Not to say I will make a habit of either of these things. It's not everyday that my husband gets one of the biggest awards in our field or that my Junior High friends meet. Once in a lifetime events.
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Old 07-30-2017, 08:14 AM
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I gotcha. Good on you!
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:10 AM
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I went to a bar with friends last night to watch the fights. Let's just say I was the only one not complaining when the bill(s) came..Ice water and a burger are way cheaper than a burger and 6-8 beers.
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:13 AM
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Just be careful, with your medical history if you go back out, you might not make it back NGST. I'm sure you already know that.
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I went to a bar with friends last night to watch the fights. Let's just say I was the only one not complaining when the bill(s) came..Ice water and a burger are way cheaper than a burger and 6-8 beers.
Ugh. This reminds me of when I was pregnant and my husband and I used to go out with others to a bar in the city where margarita pitchers flowed like water. It was a mess. People (from a larger circle of friends) were in and out all night and as they left, they'd leave 20s on the table (presumably to cover a pitcher or two). No one split up anything based on how many margaritas they drank because the assumption is, everyone is drinking (a lot).

Husband doesn't drink to get loaded (that group did) and I wasn't drinking at all. I told him that we aren't getting stuck there at the end of the night when the bill invariably adds up to way beyond the stack of 20s left on the table (we'd BTDT) and the ones to close the place end up with more of their share. We were good friends with the person who would organize the invite, but many of the others were her friends/friends of friends, etc. I had NO interest in paying for anyone. Call me cheap, but I was a student. People weren't trying to be cheap or slick out on paying--they just tend to round down, maybe they left drunk, etc.

I told my husband that we are bringing 20 bucks (any less would look super cheap) and that's our part for the night. And, our debit card/credit card was not allowed to see the light of day. Absolutely no, "here, give us the cash and we'll put it on the credit card." BTDT, too, and always paid more than I should have.

We did leave 20. That's about a pitcher and no way did he drink a pitcher's worth (he's not really a non-beer person), but that's the cost of these sorts of social occasions, hanging out downtown, and with some people who had money (we were grad students). Those sort of social occasions were a pain and I tried to make us avoid them.

As for last night, I got a diet coke on the way in and tried to pay at the bar. When she didn't give me my credit card back (not a cash carrier here), I politely told her I wasn't running a tab (I HATE that idea anyway). She said I have to order a minimum of 15 dollars to use my card. I actually had to mooch money off of someone to pay. I felt so stupid and was really annoyed at the whole practice.

And, thanks, all. All of this is just a once a year (or less) type of thing. It's not that I even have to decline these invites. They just don't come my way (thankfully).
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:50 AM
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Red flag, when I tried giving up before half heartedly I thought I can go to a bar and not drink, BIGGEST slippery slope, I was back on it within 2 weeks, I am just talking about myself
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:56 AM
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You have a little over a year sober and that's great!

But why all the pushing recently with going to liquor shops and bars? I get it. You didn't drink beer or drink out in pubs. But you're still playing with fire here so early in sobriety.

We have a lot in common. I didn't drink beer. I only drank at home. And I had severe medical consequences from alcohol that almost killed me.

Something to ponder - you are monitoring everyone else's drinking. You notice exactly how much beer your husband drinks. You notice what everyone else is drinking at the bar. It appears alcohol may still be at the forefront of your thoughts, even if subconsciously. And as many here can attest, they can go to a bar and be fine, but then something kicks in and they pick up a few days later.

Have I gone to happy hours with coworkers? Yes, but only to make a quick appearance as a professional obligation. I don't go to bars just to go to bars. I haven't been inside a liquor store in 4.5 years. Someone like me doesn't belong in either of those two places.

Just remember - you have nothing to prove, either to yourself or others.
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Old 07-30-2017, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by notgonnastoptry View Post
Ugh. This reminds me of when I was pregnant and my husband and I used to go out with others to a bar in the city where margarita pitchers flowed like water. It was a mess. People (from a larger circle of friends) were in and out all night and as they left, they'd leave 20s on the table (presumably to cover a pitcher or two). No one split up anything based on how many margaritas they drank because the assumption is, everyone is drinking (a lot).

Husband doesn't drink to get loaded (that group did) and I wasn't drinking at all. I told him that we aren't getting stuck there at the end of the night when the bill invariably adds up to way beyond the stack of 20s left on the table (we'd BTDT) and the ones to close the place end up with more of their share. We were good friends with the person who would organize the invite, but many of the others were her friends/friends of friends, etc. I had NO interest in paying for anyone. Call me cheap, but I was a student. People weren't trying to be cheap or slick out on paying--they just tend to round down, maybe they left drunk, etc.

I told my husband that we are bringing 20 bucks (any less would look super cheap) and that's our part for the night. And, our debit card/credit card was not allowed to see the light of day. Absolutely no, "here, give us the cash and we'll put it on the credit card." BTDT, too, and always paid more than I should have.

We did leave 20. That's about a pitcher and no way did he drink a pitcher's worth (he's not really a non-beer person), but that's the cost of these sorts of social occasions, hanging out downtown, and with some people who had money (we were grad students). Those sort of social occasions were a pain and I tried to make us avoid them.

As for last night, I got a diet coke on the way in and tried to pay at the bar. When she didn't give me my credit card back (not a cash carrier here), I politely told her I wasn't running a tab (I HATE that idea anyway). She said I have to order a minimum of 15 dollars to use my card. I actually had to mooch money off of someone to pay. I felt so stupid and was really annoyed at the whole practice.

And, thanks, all. All of this is just a once a year (or less) type of thing. It's not that I even have to decline these invites. They just don't come my way (thankfully).
When I was drinking I paid for WAY more than my share! About a week ago I went out with some friends,again, I was drinking water. These people were ordering food,pitchers,shots,ect... The tab of $300+(pre tip) came and they said "are we just going to split this?"...I laughed and handed them a $20..I only had water..I'm not paying for their food and booze anymore,unless it's a potential new client.
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