bronzie

I want sobriety so bad, more than anything I want to be healthy and take the very best care of my kids! I was doing so good and I just got overwhelmed yesterday and started drinking. Today I'm home sick, my head hurts so bad, I'm vomiting, sweating and feeling like I might die! Why did I do this to myself again? I have literally poisoned myself. I'm so glad my family comes home today. They have been gone for 3 weeks, and I just lost it last night. Will I get thru this time? I want to recover.

noturningback2

hi, I'm sorry you feel so terrible and had a relapse. That sucks. Good job on getting back on here though. Whilst you are doing that, there is hope and a real chance you will crack this.

doggonecarl

I sympathize with your agony. Not sure about the root of your struggle. Weren't you taking naltrexone? Or did you stop?

Meds are just a stop gap. It takes "recovery" in quotes, not just abstinence. Abstinence is not drinking, but recovery is living and loving the sober life and that seems to be the part you aren't getting. Coping without alcohol. You've been on SR long enough, I think you know the usual recommendations: AA, Smart Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, Rational Recovery (AVRT), counseling, addiction specialists, inpatient rehab, outpatient .

What I don't know is why you are resistant to trying them.

bronzie

I have a counselor I see and my doctor and a social worker that I'm working with. Sober Recovery is another tool I find helpful. I have also been doing some online AA meetings, and yes I am taking the naltrexone. I do definitely think it works. But you are right about the understand of what "recovery" really is. I never really thought of it that way. But I do know how much better, happier and healthier I was feeling since I haven't been drinking. And now I have relapsed and feel sicker than ever and I never want to feel this way again! I have also reached out to some AA members that I email with. Thank you for your suggestions.

bronzie

Thank you, and know I will. I'm using all of my available resources and taking care of myself today. I'm back on my path to living a sober life!

Anna

Bronzie, I'm glad you feel a bit better. I wondered if you keep alcohol in the house? If so, it could be helpful to get rid of it.

bronzie

I love being sober! I love how my life was getting so much better without alcohol!

Looking back over the past week, I now see what led up to the relapse. I have been sick with some type of virus that has been going around at work (I work in a daycare). And for whatever reason, it hit me the worse! I don't handle being sick very well at all. It turned into laryngitis and I completely lost my voice. And my family will be here from Europe tonight! The house isn't cleaned the way I like it, and I feel overwhelmed and nervous. Instead of just being a responsible adult and toughing it out, I made the wrong choice to drink and sit out on the back patio ignoring it. Today I'm really paying for that bad decision, by being even more sick and I still haven't got all the cleaning done! Now I have to rush to get everything done before going to the airport this evening. And the anxiety and nausea isn't helping of course.

bronzie

Hi Anna, No I do not keep alcohol in the house. My stepdad does, but I don't know where he keeps it because he is aware of my problem with it. Yesterday I freaked out and went to the convenience store and bought beer and wine. I poured out any that I had leftover. Alcohol for me is an enemy.
My body just does not process it like Some people may be able to. It makes me very sick so I can never even have one drink. I just have to accept that and be comfortable and happy living without it.

ulfr

Get back on the bike keep sober for today - or for the moment keep fighting the drink we all have been where you are at we have all had to start again but you can do it keep fighting never give up

AnvilheadII

remember, SR is a useful tool only IF it is used! yesterday would have been a good time to log in, talk out what you were feeling.

you allowed your commitment to relax - under the guise of being overwhelmed. i am not arguing how you FELT, only that there is NO reason good enough to justify drinking. period. ever.

i suggest you call the dr who prescribed the naltrexone - it is not advised to DRINK while taking it OR to take it during alcohol withdrawal. you have put your body in a bit of a bad spot...........

Naltrexone should not be used within 5 days of alcohol withdrawal, as negative side effects will be induced.

How Naltrexone Works
Naltrexone binds to the opiate receptors in the brain and blocks their function, thereby blocking the sensation of pleasure that is produced by drinking alcohol. If a person does drink while taking naltrexone, he or she will continue to experience a lessening of inhibition leading to risky behavior, sedation, and depression. In other words, a drink will still cause intoxication and impairment, but the user will feel no pleasure throughout the experience. Taking naltrexone will not help you drive more safely or operate machinery after you’ve had a drink.

A person who drinks while taking naltrexone may feel sick and suffer from withdrawal symptoms such as:

Nausea
Diarrhea
Tremors
Depression

tomsteve

recovery defined:
the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost;the process of combating a disorder (such as alcoholism) or a real or perceived problem;the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury : the act or process of recovering.

so recovery is a process that requires action. it isnt something that happens over night.

will you get through this?
are you willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol?
are you willing to do whatever action is necessary?
do you have the phone numbers for them AA members? why email when a call helps more?
i really dont know about all this emailing and texting people in recovery. im very glad i didnt have a computer when i got sober or a cell phone. all communication was face to face or on the phone- no texting.
texting and emails would have been me trying to take an easier,softer way.
any reason ya can do f2f AA meetings?

bronzie

Yes, I have some phone #s of people I can call, but I actually have laryngitis right now and can only whisper. So they wouldn't be able to hear me talk. I could always listen! But that is why I am emailing and texting at the moment, and also why I have been out of work sick. I do f2f with my counselor, and normally I would call my social worker, but I emailed her today. I have a follow up appt with my doctor on Friday.

I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY AND DONT PLAN TO DRINK ANYMORE!

Sorry, not yelling, just had to put that in caps because it's so important.

I know I can do it, because I have been staying sober. I have come a long way from where I was 4-5 years ago and I never want to get back to living that way again, drinking almost daily, getting sick, hospital visits, and doing all over and over again.

Here I am in recovery, but have had several relapses and was even actively drinking over the last year (it's been a rough one). I'm ready to get back on track and I know I can, I just DONT WANT ANY MORE RELAPSES!!!!

Staying sober/abstinence is great, but I think what I have learned here today from all of your kind responses is that ABSOLUTE RECOVERY IS THE GOAL.

Again, I'm capitalizing for my own purpose for when I go back and read my posts. It's almost like journaling for me. Hey, that's another thing I would like to do. Yea, remember when we still used pen and paper, sat down on the couch to make a phone call, flipped pages in a book.......ahhh the good old days! Now just about everything is done on these smart phones. Now if only the phone could do the house cleaning too! Except loving on my kids and spending time with them, which I put my phone down for anytime. Actually going to do that right now! Nothing is better than a smile and a hug from my sweet babies!

BixBees505

Others are giving you such very good input and advice. I appreciate your thread.

Best wishes, sympathy and support, Bronzie. Let's do it.

BrendaChenowyth

Guys, this is supposed to be a welcoming place for people struggling with addiction. Telling people that they allowed their relapse to happen and that they weren't this or that enough, does not help them. They feel bad enough as it is. You know how it is. Try to remember.

BixBees505

Hang in here, Bronzie. You've got this. This community DOES support, in a very strong way. please stay with us and keep posting!

Behappy1

Hang in there Bronzie!! If this was easy, NONE of us would be here. We would have nailed on the first try.

columbus

"Today I'm home sick, my head hurts so bad, I'm vomiting, sweating and feeling like I might die."

That's the life-force telling you not to do that again.

Accept it's punishment.

It's guidance.

It's wisdom.

And don't do THAT again.

FeelingL0st

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful.
Glad to see you back and sober today.
I really would recommend going TO some sort of recovery program instead of doing things online.
I know you see a counselor, but there is something about being in a AA meeting, or other program, that lifts you up, makes you feel a part of a bigger picture, I feel empowered during and after a meeting just being with other alcoholics and addicts and listening to their stories and sharing my own.
It really does help!
Good luck to you

bronzie

Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the advice and support here. Yes, I've been working on overcoming my addiction to alcohol for a long time. I have had long streaks of sobriety, and I have tried many things over the years, as I'm sure many of you can relate. This is the closest I have felt to "beating" it, so honestly this relapse was very difficult for me. I haven't been that sick in a long time.

Good news, I am now feeling a bit better, my voice is finally coming back, and we will be leaving soon to pick up my family from the airport! We have missed them a lot, so looking forward to seeing them!

I will not drink today. I am a nondrinker. That's my mantra...no mater what!

Thanks again all.

bronzie

Exactly. Well put. Thank you. I won't do that again!