Day 4, emotions all over the map, Personal Messages
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Day 4, emotions all over the map, Personal Messages
So I just woke up and I am still a nervous ninny in my life ever since my relapse.
There has been a desperation in the way Ive been reaching out here, and I just hope everyone is able to give me room without too much judgment, so that I can unfurl all the knots Ive been tangled up in emotionally and mentally.
I need to unfold all the tightness, and I just need support while I do that.
I hope you will all be patient with me and not write me off as crazy or ... whatever, because I desperately DO want to remain sober, and I do desperately need this support right now.
I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants right now.
I also want to comment about receiving and responding to PM's here (as well as in my other group... as I am having the same issue in both places).
I dont know WHY it is, but I find PM's stressful. Really odd, and I havent figured out why yet. I guess it feels difficult enough to be posting in the groups, and PM's are another added conversation on the side which need responding to, so they begin to weigh on me.
This is not personal about ANYONE, I actually love to read the support encouragement anywhere I receive it. But I feel some bizarre stress around keeping up with it or responding.
Does anyone else understand that feeling, or am I a total oddball?
There has been a desperation in the way Ive been reaching out here, and I just hope everyone is able to give me room without too much judgment, so that I can unfurl all the knots Ive been tangled up in emotionally and mentally.
I need to unfold all the tightness, and I just need support while I do that.
I hope you will all be patient with me and not write me off as crazy or ... whatever, because I desperately DO want to remain sober, and I do desperately need this support right now.
I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants right now.
I also want to comment about receiving and responding to PM's here (as well as in my other group... as I am having the same issue in both places).
I dont know WHY it is, but I find PM's stressful. Really odd, and I havent figured out why yet. I guess it feels difficult enough to be posting in the groups, and PM's are another added conversation on the side which need responding to, so they begin to weigh on me.
This is not personal about ANYONE, I actually love to read the support encouragement anywhere I receive it. But I feel some bizarre stress around keeping up with it or responding.
Does anyone else understand that feeling, or am I a total oddball?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by herculana 
I hope you will all be patient with me and not write me off as crazy or ... whatever, because I desperately DO want to remain sober, and I do desperately need this support right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Some of what you may be experiencing is just post binge anxiety. Thoughts and emotions are all over the place. If you're like most, things will settle down in a few days. As Carl said, post away. Its all about support.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Totally normal to feel this way in early recovery Herculana. Your body and mind need time to heal. Alcohol is a depressant so your mind is rebounding and can sometimes be overactive, a big change from being sedated all the time, right? Regarding the PM issue, you can simply disregard them if you feel they are stressful at this time. It's most likely people just wanting to help but you are under no obligation to respond if you aren't feeling up to it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
My stress levels were off the charts in early recovery. Dealing with not drinking was hard enough, add stress to the mix, and I was a basket case.
Do whatever you need to do, I sure understand.
You can also choose NOT to receive PM's from members. Go to your user CP and make the adjustment, do it for you.
Hang in there, herculana, it gets better. Great job on day 4.
Do whatever you need to do, I sure understand.
You can also choose NOT to receive PM's from members. Go to your user CP and make the adjustment, do it for you.
Hang in there, herculana, it gets better. Great job on day 4.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Dear Herc,
Be kinder to yourself! You need to make yourself the priority now.
You clearly are a loyal, caring person, often putting others first... Your boyfriend, your housemate, even strangers on a forum! You need to put the focus on self care in this vulnerable time. You can be a better friend, and more support to others, once you are doing better. Remind yourself of the old "you need to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others" idea.
If responding to posts or private messages is adding stress, rather than helping you stay sober, give yourself permission to not engage or reply. IT'S OK.
You've got to put your recovery first right now.
xoxoxo
Be kinder to yourself! You need to make yourself the priority now.
You clearly are a loyal, caring person, often putting others first... Your boyfriend, your housemate, even strangers on a forum! You need to put the focus on self care in this vulnerable time. You can be a better friend, and more support to others, once you are doing better. Remind yourself of the old "you need to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others" idea.
If responding to posts or private messages is adding stress, rather than helping you stay sober, give yourself permission to not engage or reply. IT'S OK.
You've got to put your recovery first right now.
xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
herculana, yeah, i have felt that way about PMs at the times i was already stressed with other things in my life....i knew, of course, that the intentions were good and people kind, but in my own stress it felt like one more thing i had to cope with and try to do graciously.
ignoring a PM would be much harder for me than ignoring a post, and i felt the 'obligation' to respond on a much more personal level, simply because the other person was so clearly privately reaching out, which seems so extraordinarily considerate....
keep going, and do what you need to do.
ignoring a PM would be much harder for me than ignoring a post, and i felt the 'obligation' to respond on a much more personal level, simply because the other person was so clearly privately reaching out, which seems so extraordinarily considerate....
keep going, and do what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Originally Posted by Opivotal
My stress levels were off the charts in early recovery. Dealing with not drinking was hard enough, add stress to the mix, and I was a basket case.
Do whatever you need to do, I sure understand.
You can also choose NOT to receive PM's from members. Go to your user CP and make the adjustment, do it for you.
Hang in there, herculana, it gets better. Great job on day 4.
Do whatever you need to do, I sure understand.
You can also choose NOT to receive PM's from members. Go to your user CP and make the adjustment, do it for you.
Hang in there, herculana, it gets better. Great job on day 4.
As Opivotal said, you can turn off private messages and emails. I looked to find out where. Go to your User CP on the main page, then it's in your control panel under Settings and then User Options. Just unclick it.
You are not being unkind! People need different things to help them, some want to talk more, some need to post a lot, some just read. We understand.
Gratitude Gardener
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
THANK YOU FINI
"herculana, yeah, i have felt that way about PMs at the times i was already stressed with other things in my life....i knew, of course, that the intentions were good and people kind, but in my own stress it felt like one more thing i had to cope with and try to do graciously.
ignoring a PM would be much harder for me than ignoring a post, and i felt the 'obligation' to respond on a much more personal level, simply because the other person was so clearly privately reaching out, which seems so extraordinarily considerate....
keep going, and do what you need to do." ---
Word for word, EXACTLY how its been feeling for me. Thank you for putting the right words to it. My brain isnt capable of that kind of eloquence right now!
"herculana, yeah, i have felt that way about PMs at the times i was already stressed with other things in my life....i knew, of course, that the intentions were good and people kind, but in my own stress it felt like one more thing i had to cope with and try to do graciously.
ignoring a PM would be much harder for me than ignoring a post, and i felt the 'obligation' to respond on a much more personal level, simply because the other person was so clearly privately reaching out, which seems so extraordinarily considerate....
keep going, and do what you need to do." ---
Word for word, EXACTLY how its been feeling for me. Thank you for putting the right words to it. My brain isnt capable of that kind of eloquence right now!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
Snap - I'm on Day 4 also and my emotions are all over the place. I'm lucky I have some very close friends and family members to offload on otherwise I don't think I'd have the strength. Hope tomorrow is a better day for us X
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Herculana, I'm sure you gather by now that you are going through 'normal' anxiety. Gosh, I was a mess the first few weeks. It's fine if you let the PM slide for awhile or forever. You are here to help yourself and that's what matters.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
the way the PM notification thing blinks at me puts me a bit on edge!
in your Control Panel, under Options, you can turn OFF private messages, or limit to only known contacts and moderators. and you can turn off the pop up message that tells you that you have a message.
it's good that you are identifying things that ADD to the stress - and that you are stating your wishes and needs "out loud".
in your Control Panel, under Options, you can turn OFF private messages, or limit to only known contacts and moderators. and you can turn off the pop up message that tells you that you have a message.
it's good that you are identifying things that ADD to the stress - and that you are stating your wishes and needs "out loud".
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