Toxic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Toxic
Anyone here have or had a toxic friend?
I have this one friend who does charity work (he sends his own money to Africans) anyways long story short I went over to ghana 3 n a half years ago to see our friend from Liberia. When I arrived back in the UK I decided that I will send him some money every now and then, WELL what a huuuge mistake, my friend now CONSTANTLY hounds me to send him money saying he doesn't have enough to give etc
I am on benefits/welfare so I don't have much money to start with ALSO I have to pay £78 to my therapist in august because I can't wait on the national health service.
He knows all this, he doesn't give a damn that stress makes my condition worse! Just now on the phone he pushed and pushed and PUSHED for me to send our liberian friend money!
This stress makes the ocd flare up so now im fighting a monster panic attack!
Should I ditch this a&&hole?
I have this one friend who does charity work (he sends his own money to Africans) anyways long story short I went over to ghana 3 n a half years ago to see our friend from Liberia. When I arrived back in the UK I decided that I will send him some money every now and then, WELL what a huuuge mistake, my friend now CONSTANTLY hounds me to send him money saying he doesn't have enough to give etc
I am on benefits/welfare so I don't have much money to start with ALSO I have to pay £78 to my therapist in august because I can't wait on the national health service.
He knows all this, he doesn't give a damn that stress makes my condition worse! Just now on the phone he pushed and pushed and PUSHED for me to send our liberian friend money!
This stress makes the ocd flare up so now im fighting a monster panic attack!
Should I ditch this a&&hole?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Psychologically I am in the EDGE I have ZERO hope in me at the moment, I can't stand this sh!t only reason im holding on is because im hoping a damn therapist can sort my head out!
My friend can be such a selfish pr!ck.
My friend can be such a selfish pr!ck.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 1,742
Hi Chilled.
As someone who is learning all about the wonderful world of boundaries, I can appreciate what you're going through.
It could be time to have an honest chat with your friend.
I'm learning most of the time people are totally oblivious of the effect their speech and actions have on others. I know it's true for me.
It might be eye-opening for him learning that the words he might consider 'enthusiastic' and 'passionate' come across to you as aggressive and bullying.
As someone who is learning all about the wonderful world of boundaries, I can appreciate what you're going through.
It could be time to have an honest chat with your friend.
I'm learning most of the time people are totally oblivious of the effect their speech and actions have on others. I know it's true for me.
It might be eye-opening for him learning that the words he might consider 'enthusiastic' and 'passionate' come across to you as aggressive and bullying.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sorry your friend does not appreciate or understand your circumstances. Yes, sometimes I have had to disconnect from friends who have their own agenda and do not have my welfare in mind--at all. Please take good care of yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Carpathia 
Hi Chilled.
As someone who is learning all about the wonderful world of boundaries, I can appreciate what you're going through.
It could be time to have an honest chat with your friend.
I'm learning most of the time people are totally oblivious of the effect their speech and actions have on others. I know it's true for me.
It might be eye-opening for him learning that the words he might consider 'enthusiastic' and 'passionate' come across to you as aggressive and bullying.
As someone who is learning all about the wonderful world of boundaries, I can appreciate what you're going through.
It could be time to have an honest chat with your friend.
I'm learning most of the time people are totally oblivious of the effect their speech and actions have on others. I know it's true for me.
It might be eye-opening for him learning that the words he might consider 'enthusiastic' and 'passionate' come across to you as aggressive and bullying.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
How about:
I'm sorry but right now it's not a good time. When it's a good time again I'll get involved again.
This is not your obligation specially if you need the funds for something else.
Don't let this get to you! Talk it out with us.
How about:
I'm sorry but right now it's not a good time. When it's a good time again I'll get involved again.
This is not your obligation specially if you need the funds for something else.
Don't let this get to you! Talk it out with us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime
Hello:
How about:
I'm sorry but right now it's not a good time. When it's a good time again I'll get involved again.
This is not your obligation specially if you need the funds for something else.
Don't let this get to you! Talk it out with us.
How about:
I'm sorry but right now it's not a good time. When it's a good time again I'll get involved again.
This is not your obligation specially if you need the funds for something else.
Don't let this get to you! Talk it out with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
You said it: you are done.
I don't have friends who get aggressive and raise their voice. Those are not friends.
You are strong, don't let this person push you and get to you. He won't take no for an answer? Well, too bad, that the answer he's going to have to accept because that's the answer that to are giving him.
I'm glad you are posting about this.
I don't have friends who get aggressive and raise their voice. Those are not friends.
You are strong, don't let this person push you and get to you. He won't take no for an answer? Well, too bad, that the answer he's going to have to accept because that's the answer that to are giving him.
I'm glad you are posting about this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'd tell that guy to kick rocks! Sounds like a late night TV 'preacher' trying to get money from poor people with promises of "If you plant your seed(give him money),you will reap rewards(some false financial gain)".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Chilledice
It really IS bullying the way he does it trust me! He even tried to guess how much money is in my bank!
is he holding that phone to your ear/ is he forcing you to listen to him?
who is in control of you saying NO? who is in control whether you answer the phone or not?
"He NEVER accepts no as an answer..."
because you keep taking his calls. block his number and guess what happens?
"and only ends up raising his voice or manipulating me etc. Im done with him."
who allows you to be manipulated?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Setting boundaries is very important Chilled. It's quite clear that you do not have a good relationship with this person so cutting them out of your life is not unreasonable at all. Block their number and email if you must - but find a way to simply move on.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I wouldn't ditch him, I would just say that donations are off the table for any level of discussion at this point in time. If he wants to talk about anything else great, but the subject of donations is strictly a no-go.
If he doesn't seem to remember in the future, remind him of your boundary, then just say that the conversation is over at this point as a result of his actions. Then hang up.
No bad, no good, just is. As it should be.
If he doesn't seem to remember in the future, remind him of your boundary, then just say that the conversation is over at this point as a result of his actions. Then hang up.
No bad, no good, just is. As it should be.
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