perfect example of acoa showing up :/
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 254
perfect example of acoa showing up :/
It's really good to be posting here! <3
My partner's birthday is in just under two weeks. He doesn't tend to make a big deal about birthdays - making plans with other people, presents, etc - he likes thoughtful things, a small gift perhaps, and QT, but is generally meh about the whole thing.
Whereas I am a major whopping birthday party bonanza loooves birthday, where I get to plan events specifically designed around my friends likes and dislikes (and i'm good at those, because i am hyper vigilant!), and then there's that moments where their faces light up - and you know you have made that person happy.
i have a pit in my stomach all day at this point about it - literally.
it's soooo ACOA, like 4/5 of the laundry list. i have an idea/plan that i have put into motion, but i fear he'll be weird about it, i feel like even if he does he won't emote enough for me to feeeeeeel like i did a good job (get approval) - that he plain dislikes it. i've gotten positive feedback from three friends - the fourth, told me it seemed impersonal and suggest i start over and start working on a scavenger hunt, which gave me so much anxiety.
i know this is just life - but it's the ACOA in life. do i need to listen to my self? which self?
My partner's birthday is in just under two weeks. He doesn't tend to make a big deal about birthdays - making plans with other people, presents, etc - he likes thoughtful things, a small gift perhaps, and QT, but is generally meh about the whole thing.
Whereas I am a major whopping birthday party bonanza loooves birthday, where I get to plan events specifically designed around my friends likes and dislikes (and i'm good at those, because i am hyper vigilant!), and then there's that moments where their faces light up - and you know you have made that person happy.
i have a pit in my stomach all day at this point about it - literally.
it's soooo ACOA, like 4/5 of the laundry list. i have an idea/plan that i have put into motion, but i fear he'll be weird about it, i feel like even if he does he won't emote enough for me to feeeeeeel like i did a good job (get approval) - that he plain dislikes it. i've gotten positive feedback from three friends - the fourth, told me it seemed impersonal and suggest i start over and start working on a scavenger hunt, which gave me so much anxiety.
i know this is just life - but it's the ACOA in life. do i need to listen to my self? which self?
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
HI, seasaw.
My spouse and I don't make big deal of birthdays or anniversaries.
And that's okay. We are well matched that way.
I dont think I would like it much if someone made a big deal.
I do like birthday cake, though.
My spouse and I don't make big deal of birthdays or anniversaries.
And that's okay. We are well matched that way.
I dont think I would like it much if someone made a big deal.
I do like birthday cake, though.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
your bf isn't big into birthdays or big birthday bashes.
so what are you doing? and WHY?
anytime we are literally sick to our stomach over something, that is a cue that something is very wrong. i suggest you back off, back down, slow your roll.
so what are you doing? and WHY?
anytime we are literally sick to our stomach over something, that is a cue that something is very wrong. i suggest you back off, back down, slow your roll.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
your bf isn't big into birthdays or big birthday bashes.
so what are you doing? and WHY?
anytime we are literally sick to our stomach over something, that is a cue that something is very wrong. i suggest you back off, back down, slow your roll.
so what are you doing? and WHY?
anytime we are literally sick to our stomach over something, that is a cue that something is very wrong. i suggest you back off, back down, slow your roll.
T
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