Dipsy123

I'm 35 years old and never in a million miles thought I'd use cocaine. Met my partner who liked to use at parties etc and I ended up trying one night. Ever since weve had it most weekends for about a year. My partner doesn't need it but usually gets it and I don't bother, Until he gets it then I just want more and more. I suffer from depression and when you feel so low and the anti depressants don't work as well And you take it you feel like you should feel back to normal wanting to live life. I've started trying to get it myself and that's how I know I need help. When it runs out and that horrible unbearable feeling comes back. I need to find a way to stop but sometimes it's all I think about. But I don't want to end up ruining our lives by spending all our money and lose everything. I have a child as well and the guilt kills me that I could be getting him things but instead wasting it on feeling good for a while. I'm just scared I won't be able to stop. Any advice?

Anna

Welcome, I'm glad you posted.

I have no experience with cocaine, but I definitely know about self-medicating depression. My suggestion is to talk to your dr and continue to try to find an anti-depressant that works. It took me several tries and it's a pain, but stick with it if your dr agrees.

It's a good idea to have a plan if you want to stop. You said you usually use on weekends so why not plan something very different for this coming weekend. What do you like to do? Change your routine and it will help you get out of the rut.

SeanFox87

Hi Dipsy, it's an awful thing and I've been there. Wasting whole months wages because it doesn't make you see clearly. My advice would be to read up on other people's stories and keep posting your thoughts here. It is beatable and you can get a grip of you life again and get your child the nice things you want. You can get control of this.

Dipsy123

How did you get control of it. Find it very difficult cause it makes me feel like I used too then it wares off and I'm back to being a shadow of myself. But I know it's so bad for me but the feeling outways the bad things. My husband says he won't let me get bad with it but I'm already there. He's going to stop taking it but for me the feeling of not getting it and feeling good makes me feel even worse. I don't want to go back to feeling crap x

Dipsy123

Don't ever try it then cause it's so good it's bad. I feel embarrassed going to the doctors bad enough how you get treated when you've got depression but saying out loud to a doctor I think I'm addicted to cocaine Shames me. I'd hate for anyone to ever find out.

SeanFox87

It wasn't a daily thing for me, just every weekend and the odd time mid week. I just got to the point where I saw what my life was and I didn't want it anymore, I was asking myself what I actually wanted it for and it was like I snapped out of a trance, it has no benefits whatsoever and I was just doing it because it was a habit, I couldn't drink without it and I just got sick of waking up not being able to breathe through my nose and feeling terrible. I just had a new lease of life and a strong urge to not do it anymore. Just look at yourself in the mirror and ask why you want to keep doing it. I haven't been to a doctor but you shouldn't feel shamed, they're trained to help you get out of your addiction and I encourage you to visit her, she will not judge you or tell anyone, you feel a whole load of relief if you tell her.