Ok. I'm having a not-so-great time.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Ok. I'm having a not-so-great time.
I've read a lot of amazing stories on SR. But nothing resonates with me today.
It seems like...what is the point? I'm late 50s and only getting older, obviously. I'll never be able to recover the health I lost. Frailty is my future, which I fear a great deal. My career is coming to an ignominious end, maybe a little later, possibly soon. I have a very small life that I try to make sound like more than it is. Nothing ahead appeals to me as much as it should. I have no faith and no hope.
Depressed sad and fearful. That is me.
It seems like...what is the point? I'm late 50s and only getting older, obviously. I'll never be able to recover the health I lost. Frailty is my future, which I fear a great deal. My career is coming to an ignominious end, maybe a little later, possibly soon. I have a very small life that I try to make sound like more than it is. Nothing ahead appeals to me as much as it should. I have no faith and no hope.
Depressed sad and fearful. That is me.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Hi Bix. I'm sorry you're going thru so much pain. I've felt that way as well, sometimes for very long stretches of time. What I discovered for myself was that when I quit worrying about tomorrow (we aren't guaranteed one anyway) and focused on living today the best I can, my fear was greatly reduced. The other thing I discovered was true for me was something that was passed along to me: 99% of what we worry about never even happens. Now, it was only one person's opinion, but I found that when I look back over my life and the things that I was really worried or fearful about over any given point of time, truly never did happen. I know it's not much. but keeping those two little things in mind have really helped me a LOT. Best wishes to you, Bix
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Sorry, Bix.
Some days are just black.
Is lost health a done deal?
Because often our bodies surprise us when we stop drinking.
As to the career, I had a job, teaching, that I loved, loved, loved for a long time.
But it got harder and harder, and I didn't love it anymore.
I left, retired (I'm 65, so a bit older than you) and was fortunate enough to be able to pursue the things I loved.
I volunteer now for an environmental organization, and this gives me satisfaction and joy.
I also deliver boxesof pet food to area food banks, recognizing that people in need may have pets in need as well.
I practice yoga and do gentle exercise and do my best to live in the moment.
I get sad sometimes about things.
Aging mother, alcohol dependent sib, but it passes in time.
Is there something that gives you joy?
Some days are just black.
Is lost health a done deal?
Because often our bodies surprise us when we stop drinking.
As to the career, I had a job, teaching, that I loved, loved, loved for a long time.
But it got harder and harder, and I didn't love it anymore.
I left, retired (I'm 65, so a bit older than you) and was fortunate enough to be able to pursue the things I loved.
I volunteer now for an environmental organization, and this gives me satisfaction and joy.
I also deliver boxesof pet food to area food banks, recognizing that people in need may have pets in need as well.
I practice yoga and do gentle exercise and do my best to live in the moment.
I get sad sometimes about things.
Aging mother, alcohol dependent sib, but it passes in time.
Is there something that gives you joy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Thank you for comments. The health situation is pretty bleak. Little to be done. Won't kill me, just disable me early. Not caused from drinking...probably part of why I drank, because it scares me so much looking into next decades.
I am really paying attention to response posts. I do know others have faced similar and worse.
I am really paying attention to response posts. I do know others have faced similar and worse.
Last edited by BixBees505; 07-25-2017 at 07:04 AM. Reason: But certainly not HELPED by drinking.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Blownone, wise words there. Thx.
Maudcat, I appreciate the perspective of a retired/retiring career changer, or focus changer.
I know I need to get out of myself and serve. I have a particularly difficult month or two ahead with both work and family challenges. Don't have time to make far reaching changes right this minute. But I need future hope to get me through this rough time. I wish today was "enough" but it just isn't right now. It really is NOT.
Maudcat, I appreciate the perspective of a retired/retiring career changer, or focus changer.
I know I need to get out of myself and serve. I have a particularly difficult month or two ahead with both work and family challenges. Don't have time to make far reaching changes right this minute. But I need future hope to get me through this rough time. I wish today was "enough" but it just isn't right now. It really is NOT.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Hey BixBees505 !
Sorry to read your having a tough time.
Sometimes we need to make simple changes and they have big impacts.
Just a change of pace... Or a short trip someplace new. Just a day trip..... Smell some new air. Me? I am dying to see a mountain ! ... But I live hours away. But I am really thinking of jumping in my car and driving.
We get so down sometimes because we are just stuck.
Hope your day brightens up....
Sorry to read your having a tough time.
Sometimes we need to make simple changes and they have big impacts.
Just a change of pace... Or a short trip someplace new. Just a day trip..... Smell some new air. Me? I am dying to see a mountain ! ... But I live hours away. But I am really thinking of jumping in my car and driving.
We get so down sometimes because we are just stuck.
Hope your day brightens up....
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
As much as it seems like the last thing you might want to try, having a Gratitude list each day can really help lift your spirits in spite of all the bad things going on around us. We have a lot to be thankful for.
For example, you have a job and you also currently have your health and sobriety. Many people would be very happy to have those things.
For example, you have a job and you also currently have your health and sobriety. Many people would be very happy to have those things.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Sorry you're feeling so down. I agree with ScottFromWi-- It can be a real mood changer to think of ten things you're happy about.
There are also a lot of good things about getting older. Society is youth loving but it hasn't always been that way. People once wore white wigs to appear older and wiser.
Besides getting wiser and more experienced, you can probably find other good things about growing older.
(And today 50 is not very old.)
There are also a lot of good things about getting older. Society is youth loving but it hasn't always been that way. People once wore white wigs to appear older and wiser.
Besides getting wiser and more experienced, you can probably find other good things about growing older.
(And today 50 is not very old.)
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Bix, I'm so sorry you are feeling down.
I'm also in my 50s, and aware that more life has passed than is to come. But each day is a gift.
There's always hope. Life is full of surprises. (A friend of mine is getting married to an old high school sweetheart, both now in their 60s, after a lot of recent heartache, and she's happier than she's been maybe ever!)
We all have so much to give or contribute.. regardless of age, disability, illness, challenges. Sometimes, because of those very circumstances, even more.
Have you considered talking to your doctor? Is it possible depression may be part of the mix?
Hang in there.
I'm also in my 50s, and aware that more life has passed than is to come. But each day is a gift.
There's always hope. Life is full of surprises. (A friend of mine is getting married to an old high school sweetheart, both now in their 60s, after a lot of recent heartache, and she's happier than she's been maybe ever!)
We all have so much to give or contribute.. regardless of age, disability, illness, challenges. Sometimes, because of those very circumstances, even more.
Have you considered talking to your doctor? Is it possible depression may be part of the mix?
Hang in there.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by BixBees505 
It seems like...what is the point?
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Write a beautiful verse.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,381
BixBees, I'm 56 and had a lot of similar thoughts about it being too late in my life to change and stop drinking, why bother etc. It really is a nowhere road to go down, one that nothing good can come of. I even started an SR thread about it, and I never start threads. It's never too late to do the right thing, to treat yourself and your body with respect and dignity by not poisoning it with alcohol. Our bodies and our spirits are both amazingly resilient, but they can't come back and work their wonders if you give up on them and don't give them a chance.
One thing I like to think of is that, while we're alive, we're stewards of this physical body we've been given, and we don't have the right to just trash it willy-nilly in our pursuit of pleasure.
One thing I like to think of is that, while we're alive, we're stewards of this physical body we've been given, and we don't have the right to just trash it willy-nilly in our pursuit of pleasure.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser
BixBees, I'm 56 and had a lot of similar thoughts about it being too late in my life to change and stop drinking, why bother etc. It really is a nowhere road to go down, one that nothing good can come of. I even started an SR thread about it, and I never start threads. It's never too late to do the right thing, to treat yourself and your body with respect and dignity by not poisoning it with alcohol. Our bodies and our spirits are both amazingly resilient, but they can't come back and work their wonders if you give up on them and don't give them a chance.
One thing I like to think of is that, while we're alive, we're stewards of this physical body we've been given, and we don't have the right to just trash it willy-nilly in our pursuit of pleasure.
One thing I like to think of is that, while we're alive, we're stewards of this physical body we've been given, and we don't have the right to just trash it willy-nilly in our pursuit of pleasure.
(I'm 56 too. Glad to be on this road alongside.)
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Fear of disability and physical pain to come paralyzed me and I believe it to be inevitable. But...I haven't experienced that yet. So yes...I should live each day well. When pain comes, deal with it then. If insufferable, well, deal with hopelessness when it is really hopeless. Not now.
I'm sorry. I know this is so remedial. I really, REALLY, appreciate your patience and letting me voice my issues.
I'm sorry. I know this is so remedial. I really, REALLY, appreciate your patience and letting me voice my issues.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Gratitude List:
1) have not yet experienced the painful disability yet to come
2) may not live to see painful disability, no guarantees
3) I can enjoy my day today if I try
4) nothing that can happen today should be able to steal ALL my joy.
1) have not yet experienced the painful disability yet to come
2) may not live to see painful disability, no guarantees
3) I can enjoy my day today if I try
4) nothing that can happen today should be able to steal ALL my joy.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
(((Bix)))
I am in my late 50's, too
I am experiencing a lot of life for the first time, it feels like! Now that my eyes are open and the deadening effect of alcohol is gone!
That is a great gratitude list that you made! I am a big fan of gratitude, the more I look for, the more I keep finding.
It doesn't mean I never have a down day or get caught up in my head. The important thing is ,now I don't stay there.
As maudcat said, this too shall pass
I am in my late 50's, too
I am experiencing a lot of life for the first time, it feels like! Now that my eyes are open and the deadening effect of alcohol is gone!
That is a great gratitude list that you made! I am a big fan of gratitude, the more I look for, the more I keep finding.
It doesn't mean I never have a down day or get caught up in my head. The important thing is ,now I don't stay there.
As maudcat said, this too shall pass
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hey Bix,
I'm sorry that you're hurting.
Some really impressive responses, in my book. There is something about hitting, ahem, a certain age. Realizing that in terms of numbers, and solely numbers, more lies behind us than ahead. I feel that, too.
We cannot control many things. But some we can. SnazzyD's point is well taken there. I also appreciated Maud's perspective about what we do with our time.
I'll echo Tealilly. There comes a point when this isn't just the blues comin' to town for a brief visit. From how you describe your physical problems, it sounds like you're dealing with a chronic illness. There are really good counselors and psychologists who dealing specifically with depression and health problems.
You shouldn't feel a need to carry this all on your shoulders. Asking for help isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can often be truly rewarding. I hope you'll check out some help. You deserve to feel better than this, and I'm guessing that with the tools to do it, you can.
I'm sorry that you're hurting.
Some really impressive responses, in my book. There is something about hitting, ahem, a certain age. Realizing that in terms of numbers, and solely numbers, more lies behind us than ahead. I feel that, too.
We cannot control many things. But some we can. SnazzyD's point is well taken there. I also appreciated Maud's perspective about what we do with our time.
I'll echo Tealilly. There comes a point when this isn't just the blues comin' to town for a brief visit. From how you describe your physical problems, it sounds like you're dealing with a chronic illness. There are really good counselors and psychologists who dealing specifically with depression and health problems.
You shouldn't feel a need to carry this all on your shoulders. Asking for help isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can often be truly rewarding. I hope you'll check out some help. You deserve to feel better than this, and I'm guessing that with the tools to do it, you can.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Thank you. I don't know how I can be more defeated.
Comments, input...it helps. Thank you all. I don't know how to be more emphatic. Those who have responded....I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Comments, input...it helps. Thank you all. I don't know how to be more emphatic. Those who have responded....I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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I do see a therapist on Thu evening. I will spill the beans I have. I can arrange for appts only rarely. But therapist is AWESOME. Very good fit.
I am on an antidepressant, through a psycho. Best medication tweak, so far.
I can only thank you all. I wish I could say...ah ha! All is well!! But that would not be true. I will keep thIs thread open. Until I know what the Eff is going on.
I am on an antidepressant, through a psycho. Best medication tweak, so far.
I can only thank you all. I wish I could say...ah ha! All is well!! But that would not be true. I will keep thIs thread open. Until I know what the Eff is going on.
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