Battles, victories and pain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 72
Battles, victories and pain
As I struggle to let go of the past and fear of the future and I can only just be humbled by the hardships of many on SR. Your battles, victories and pain are so poingant.
My head says let go and be free, my heart is almost broken and I am trying to patch it up and my guts say you must change to repair your mental anguish.
Dealing with own past and behaviours is confronting and an ongoing work in progress.
Sleep devridation though stress, uncertainty and reflection takes a heavy toll. In the past sleep....came from codependency/enabler heavy drinking which has now ceased. I think my daily intake of chocolate is not helping - craving since stopping drinking!
A twice reformed smoker, I have taken up a pack a week habit again in the last year / my only vice now - unless you count chocolate as a vice 😯
My best daily moments now consist of interaction with people (and my beautiful kids) - I try to take to time to engage, smile and talk - to anyone I come in contact with. I think everyone needs positive daily human interaction, touch and compassion.
I am writing this on a plane - the sun is making the clouds look pure white.
Thank you for your SR posts, replies and chats - they REALLY help.
Have a great day or night wherever in the world you may be.
My head says let go and be free, my heart is almost broken and I am trying to patch it up and my guts say you must change to repair your mental anguish.
Dealing with own past and behaviours is confronting and an ongoing work in progress.
Sleep devridation though stress, uncertainty and reflection takes a heavy toll. In the past sleep....came from codependency/enabler heavy drinking which has now ceased. I think my daily intake of chocolate is not helping - craving since stopping drinking!
A twice reformed smoker, I have taken up a pack a week habit again in the last year / my only vice now - unless you count chocolate as a vice 😯
My best daily moments now consist of interaction with people (and my beautiful kids) - I try to take to time to engage, smile and talk - to anyone I come in contact with. I think everyone needs positive daily human interaction, touch and compassion.
I am writing this on a plane - the sun is making the clouds look pure white.
Thank you for your SR posts, replies and chats - they REALLY help.
Have a great day or night wherever in the world you may be.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
chocolate is so NOT a vice......
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
A,
I cant tell you how much I have changed in the years from my divorce. I found my voice, I am calm, I like myself, I sleep and don't have dark circles under my eyes. My world is just that, my world.
I lived crazy for 34 years, I was waiting for that miracle to happen. I was so so patient, that it nearly killed me inside. Once I gave him to God to watch over and took care of myself, I truly was "healed". You can too. Put down the bad stuff, including him (most people can't die from a broken heart) and slowly take baby steps to where you want to go. They say in AA find someone who has what you want and go after it.
Hugs my friend you are strong enough to move on.
I cant tell you how much I have changed in the years from my divorce. I found my voice, I am calm, I like myself, I sleep and don't have dark circles under my eyes. My world is just that, my world.
I lived crazy for 34 years, I was waiting for that miracle to happen. I was so so patient, that it nearly killed me inside. Once I gave him to God to watch over and took care of myself, I truly was "healed". You can too. Put down the bad stuff, including him (most people can't die from a broken heart) and slowly take baby steps to where you want to go. They say in AA find someone who has what you want and go after it.
Hugs my friend you are strong enough to move on.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
^^^ Wise words.
I found that my physical as well as emotional health improved vastly after I left my alcoholic ex-husband. I used to get migraines three or four times a month - now I literally cannot remember the last time I took out my migraine meds. Same with susceptibility to colds, flus and random bugs going around - I am almost never affected. I'm inclined to think that our bodies hold a lot of wisdom and mine was telling me loud and clear that I had done the right thing. If your gut tells you you've done the right thing, I think you are on the right path. As time passes, you will continue feeling more whole and more like a person who is fully engaged with life. The wounds from many years of living with an alcoholic are deep, and some may never mend, but you're making sure that there will be no further wounds.
I found that my physical as well as emotional health improved vastly after I left my alcoholic ex-husband. I used to get migraines three or four times a month - now I literally cannot remember the last time I took out my migraine meds. Same with susceptibility to colds, flus and random bugs going around - I am almost never affected. I'm inclined to think that our bodies hold a lot of wisdom and mine was telling me loud and clear that I had done the right thing. If your gut tells you you've done the right thing, I think you are on the right path. As time passes, you will continue feeling more whole and more like a person who is fully engaged with life. The wounds from many years of living with an alcoholic are deep, and some may never mend, but you're making sure that there will be no further wounds.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Thank you for your sweet and very relatable post. You've summed up my emotions today greatly. it really is so much pain and anguish. I am in a slump myself right now and looking for a way to crawl out. Living with an alcoholic is awful and your self-esteem really takes a nose-dive as you try and pick up the pieces. Being unemployed now for nearly 6 months has really killed any kind of identity I thought I had. We so often find our footing by our relationships, whether it be with our work or significant others. When those major relationships fall apart and you are just left with yourself, it's hard to find a core.
Wishing you continued love and healing on your journey.
Wishing you continued love and healing on your journey.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by Smarie78
We so often find our footing by our relationships, whether it be with our work or significant others. When those major relationships fall apart and you are just left with yourself, it's hard to find a core.
Not knowing or having a relationship with one's core is a bad place to be. Then one is just buffeted around by other people's dysfunctions. This is what I experienced when I was living with an addict. And I started to see that I was and had been buffeted around by other relationships -- especially within my family.
Working on myself, getting to better know myself and my boundaries meant ending some relationships, and putting more distance in others, but my life has been so much better. So so much easier.
Best to work on knowing your core self first -- then you will be ready for a healthy relationship.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I had the worst relationship of my life in my 15th year of recovery from alcoholism. What I learned in Alanon was that I was trying to avoid dealing with my own problems by shifting the focus to a rabf (no program) who was abusive, self-centered and destructive. Detaching was two steps forward, one step back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I will say, though, that even though cigarette smoking isn't a "vice" either (long, LONG time former smoker here), speaking as someone who JUST had half a lung removed for lung cancer (caught early, great prognosis), try to get rid of the cigarettes. The one thing that helped me give them up over a year ago was switching to e-cigarettes. If you feel you can't quit right now, I'd encourage you to give those a try. It isn't the nicotine that gives you cancer, it's the smoke.
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