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Newcomer needs help with binge drinking

Old 07-22-2017, 09:12 PM
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Newcomer needs help with binge drinking

Hi SR,

I've been reading this site for 2 years knowing that my binge drinking has been spiralling out of control. I've always been a problem drinker but since moving overseas and starting a PhD it has gotten much much worse. I thought moving away might help improve my binge drinking because it would get me away from the friends I used to party with, but how wrong I was. Academia is full of heavy drinkers and free booze is available at every meeting/conference/event. I can go weeks or even months without drinking but as soon as I have that first drink there is a strong change I will make an idiot of myself, completely blackout and wake up at home in bed with zero memory of getting there. I've thrown up in my sleep without waking up, wet the bed, had hangovers lasting 5 days, been swollen for days after a binge and gained a lot of weight. The worst part about my binge drinking is the crippling depression that follows a heavy binge, I feel incapable of getting out of bed to participate in life. I know I am probably an alcoholic but the label isn't really important to me. I have a career I am passionate about, a husband I love and a life that's so much better than I ever could have imagined but I feel unworthy of it and am on the edge of losing it all because I can't control my drinking. I've tried to quit before only to build up a week or two of sobriety and relapse because I think I can drink normally if I just learn to moderate. I'm 3 days sober today and any advice or support would be very welcome.
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Old 07-22-2017, 09:22 PM
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Welcome, hills. Congratulations on 3 days.
It truly is one day at a time early on.
Sometimes it's one hour at a time.
A recovery plan really helps.
AA, SMART, counseling, therapy. Whatever works.
There is lots of good info about recovery on this site.
They are called stickies and are embedded in each forum.
Might also think about joining the current "class."
It's a support forum for the newly sober and those wanting to become so.
Good luck. Keep coming back.
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Old 07-22-2017, 09:49 PM
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Welcome to the SR community, Hill- a safe and supportive community. Aside of using your own thread- there are many good ones- for checking in (24), getting a group to identify with (perhaps for you 'Class of July 2017?), laughing (the lighter side) and just venting your spleen (Whiner's). There is also a lot of very useful info in the Sticky's bit.

I was a tenured academic- and had just got into a doctorate program and felt the environment I was in contributed to my drinking- which was bad. I did not move to a different country, but I did leave that town and moved to our capital (Adelaide), built a house, had nice stuff- a new start. Nope the drinking followed me. It is referred to as doing a 'geographical'. It occurred to me that everything I had set out to get- while drinking so much took the value out of it. Academics are a bitchy lot- who covet their professional reputations and carry the 'publish or perish' bit to absurd lengths at times. My drinking got a lot worse over the years, until Aug 2015 because of alcohol- I quite literally burnt myself to death. Only with my tenacious spark to live along with a serious of 'lucky' happenings and science am I alive. From that day I lost my home (not damage in burns), partner, any chance of career, the respect and contact with my 2 adult sons..blah- plus homelessness (not welcome in my dream castle) and more blah. I am now 18 months sober in a safe place and doing more with my life and am healthier than I was ever- well ever..
I cannot drink. It took that much to work this out. I even had an academic boss who did not believe in alcoholism (he was a 'sociologist') and told me to do the controlled drinking. To accept drinking is not on the table is a strong and courageous thing to do. If we know the weaknesses in our defences- we can improve on that awareness and heal. As well as this- I got depression and a folio of mental health issues. I would suggest a few things to you.
- See a doctor and be HONEST (no little white lies) and get a physical and find out about your depression
- go to AA/SMART meetings- treat it like an academic abstract.
- get a professional counsellor and perhaps a psychologist.
- Write stuff down- lots. Every seemingly pointless thought, feeling. It is a useful tool.
- Post here lots, especially when you do not want to.
- Make a plan for your sobriety, much like you would for a research grant. What you will need, how to do it, track it- blah. Will power does not work. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
If you have any booze at home- pour it out. Avoid being near it..at academic stuff, say you are on antibiotics or something- and PLAN for each and every function what you will do, including a safe way out (a plan B). Control what you can- yourself. Reignite the spark you have in doing your phD. I am well aware of the pressure that comes to bear. You will find it so much more enjoyable. I pulled out of mine- believing myself hopeless and drank. To get to this elite level of study is a remarkable achievement which you should be proud of.
Addiction defies logic and rational though and cannot be analysed as such.
For me- I cannot drink. With help I am beginning to understand why, but all the answers in the world did not stop me drinking, so powerful is the nature of addiction. Keep your hope- because that is the well spring of life, but do not just hope or wish stuff will get better- you need to do something about this for yourself. Not for your husband- but for yourself.
Empathy and support and prayers (such as they are) and compassion to you. Keep looking, reading, sharing, posting and MOVING on with doing recovery stuff.
PJ (:-)>
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Old 07-22-2017, 10:51 PM
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Hello and welcome. I'm so glad you posted.
Your story is not unlike mine.
I binge drank for ten years. Your post reminds me of the crippling anxiety, depression and remorse I also suffered after a binge. Sometimes the binges lasted three days. All day and all night until I passed out then reached for the dregs of the bottle from the night before.
It gets worse. I became an every day drinker with few beaks in between.
I could no longer convince myself that I could ever drink normally.
All seemed lost. So why bother to even try to have just a few? It was all I could drink. Every day.

I also work in a profession where drinking is not only excepted, but encouraged. It's tough. But after awhile, my coworkers realized I was a non drinker. It was no big deal to them that I quit. They were concerned with the party and their drinking.
It was a relief to me.

Personally, I found AA and found people there just like me. We had little else in common except a desire to quit drinking.
It took me awhile, but slowly I made the commitment to stop.
It's been over six years now since this seemingly hopeless drunk has had a drink.
I sincerely hope you can stop and not reach the lows I did. And believe me, you can. I've seen it happen to many.
Best to you. And it may be time to take action. I wish you the best.
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Old 07-23-2017, 02:59 AM
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Thanks for the encouragement and ideas. I'm planning to attend my first AA meeting this week. I'm terrified and I've been meaning to go for months but I think it's an important next step in my recovery.
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Old 07-23-2017, 03:09 AM
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Hi Hills,

Another thing you could try is joining the 24 hour thread here at SR. Every morning I log in and commit to staying sober for the next 24 hours. Once I've done that, it massively strengthens my resolve not to drink for that day. It sounds too simple to work but for me, it has been incredibly helpful. I'm on day 264 today and I can remember so clearly thinking I'd never get to the end of day 1. You can do it Hills. Good luck
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Old 07-23-2017, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by hills View Post
Hi SR,

I've been reading this site for 2 years knowing that my binge drinking has been spiralling out of control. I've always been a problem drinker but since moving overseas and starting a PhD it has gotten much much worse. I thought moving away might help improve my binge drinking because it would get me away from the friends I used to party with, but how wrong I was. Academia is full of heavy drinkers and free booze is available at every meeting/conference/event. I can go weeks or even months without drinking but as soon as I have that first drink there is a strong change I will make an idiot of myself, completely blackout and wake up at home in bed with zero memory of getting there. I've thrown up in my sleep without waking up, wet the bed, had hangovers lasting 5 days, been swollen for days after a binge and gained a lot of weight. The worst part about my binge drinking is the crippling depression that follows a heavy binge, I feel incapable of getting out of bed to participate in life. I know I am probably an alcoholic but the label isn't really important to me. I have a career I am passionate about, a husband I love and a life that's so much better than I ever could have imagined but I feel unworthy of it and am on the edge of losing it all because I can't control my drinking. I've tried to quit before only to build up a week or two of sobriety and relapse because I think I can drink normally if I just learn to moderate. I'm 3 days sober today and any advice or support would be very welcome.
PhD = pretty heavy drinker.

Yes, academia is full of alcoholics. It's an isolated and isolating job. Once you enter the professoriate, you will find it similar--no one to directly oversee you, monitor your classes, etc. The PhD is hard. Dissertating without hard deadlines and hanging around with a cohort of people who work hard and then need to unwind can to contaminating. What's more, academia attracts intense individuals who tend to go to extremes in much of their choices.

You will not learn to moderate. I tried. It won't work. I hope you learn this sooner rather than later. Best of luck to you.
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Old 07-23-2017, 03:52 PM
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Hi hills, welcome!!! I was a binge drinker too. Every 3 days was a binge. If I white knuckled it maybe 5 days. It was a thief and stole from my family, my professional career and my self esteem. Embarrassment, regrets and missing memories were all I got. I had to quit....for real. I'm just over 3 months sober and I have zero regrets. I'm smart and I have lots to offer in my profession, but I can tell you, drinking was getting in the way.....not any more. Life is improving the longer I go!
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Old 07-23-2017, 04:56 PM
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Hi and welcome Hills.

I eventually realised there was no way for me to control my drinking, it was uncontrollable...so I stopped drinking entirely

Even tho drinking may be a large part of academia as you've experienced it, I'm sure there's a good number of people who don't drink.

Make those people your role models

I think going to AA is a good idea and you'll find a lot of support here as well

D
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