What is the best thing to do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
What is the best thing to do?
All,
My problem is:
I am now a non drinker for 2 years. I will never drink again.
I work with a guy that I used to drink with. I would usually have 1 or 2 with him at his house, then go home and get hammered.
Now I have less patience with him when I deal with him while he is "sobering up" in the morning.
On a 1 to 10 friend scale, we are a 3. Long story.
In my 15 years of knowing him, he has gotten angry with me just a few times. Lately, he seems to be getting angry more and more. It seems everyone "tip toes" around his temper.
I worry that he will blow up if I say the wrong thing sometimes. I basically try to say as little as possible.
Is this the best strategy? I have some loyalty to him because I understand a bit about addiction. I don't want to tell on him when he comes to work, from what I can tell, still pretty drunk.
I have been posting this, indirectly, in the Newcomers Forum, but realize I could use the help and experience of folk here. I am hoping for some real life solutions to this problem.
If the best answer is run away, I can do that. That is what I tell others sometimes.
When it is personal, it doesn't seem that easy.
Thanks.
My problem is:
I am now a non drinker for 2 years. I will never drink again.
I work with a guy that I used to drink with. I would usually have 1 or 2 with him at his house, then go home and get hammered.
Now I have less patience with him when I deal with him while he is "sobering up" in the morning.
On a 1 to 10 friend scale, we are a 3. Long story.
In my 15 years of knowing him, he has gotten angry with me just a few times. Lately, he seems to be getting angry more and more. It seems everyone "tip toes" around his temper.
I worry that he will blow up if I say the wrong thing sometimes. I basically try to say as little as possible.
Is this the best strategy? I have some loyalty to him because I understand a bit about addiction. I don't want to tell on him when he comes to work, from what I can tell, still pretty drunk.
I have been posting this, indirectly, in the Newcomers Forum, but realize I could use the help and experience of folk here. I am hoping for some real life solutions to this problem.
If the best answer is run away, I can do that. That is what I tell others sometimes.
When it is personal, it doesn't seem that easy.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
Two weeks sober
Originally Posted by Mummyto2 
I have come back on here as I really want to be sober, as I am fed up with the shame guilt that goes with drinking, hopefully I can do it this time
Hi, I'm new here and just wanted to say I'm clean for two weeks today
I was drinking hard liquor every night for 20 years till I was slightly drunk to a point where I could sleep
I also have social anxiety
I'm proud of myself but ain't no joke nor easy!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Originally Posted by Shonulalwani
Hi, I'm new here and just wanted to say I'm clean for two weeks today
I was drinking hard liquor every night for 20 years till I was slightly drunk to a point where I could sleep
I also have social anxiety
I'm proud of myself but ain't no joke nor easy!!!!!
I was drinking hard liquor every night for 20 years till I was slightly drunk to a point where I could sleep
I also have social anxiety
I'm proud of myself but ain't no joke nor easy!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Dizzy, how closely do you work with this person? You say that running away is an option, but how much interaction do you have with them on a daily basis?
Living a life of walking on eggshells is no longer with me. I have a difficult co-worker who thrives on drama and upset. I can't avoid her completely, but I do limit my time with her and have practiced a lot of neutral phrases when she starts in on complaining or repeating herself until she gets the desired reaction. I try to balance treating her kindness and decency while not laying down like a doormat in acquiescence to her moods.
Regarding your precious sobriety (congratulations!), it is obviously not worth threatening if this person agitates you. Setting a good example -- from a distance -- might be the best you can do at this time.
Living a life of walking on eggshells is no longer with me. I have a difficult co-worker who thrives on drama and upset. I can't avoid her completely, but I do limit my time with her and have practiced a lot of neutral phrases when she starts in on complaining or repeating herself until she gets the desired reaction. I try to balance treating her kindness and decency while not laying down like a doormat in acquiescence to her moods.
Regarding your precious sobriety (congratulations!), it is obviously not worth threatening if this person agitates you. Setting a good example -- from a distance -- might be the best you can do at this time.
Blue Belt
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Dizzy, how closely do you work with this person? You say that running away is an option, but how much interaction do you have with them on a daily basis?
Living a life of walking on eggshells is no longer with me. I have a difficult co-worker who thrives on drama and upset. I can't avoid her completely, but I do limit my time with her and have practiced a lot of neutral phrases when she starts in on complaining or repeating herself until she gets the desired reaction. I try to balance treating her kindness and decency while not laying down like a doormat in acquiescence to her moods.
Regarding your precious sobriety (congratulations!), it is obviously not worth threatening if this person agitates you. Setting a good example -- from a distance -- might be the best you can do at this time.
Living a life of walking on eggshells is no longer with me. I have a difficult co-worker who thrives on drama and upset. I can't avoid her completely, but I do limit my time with her and have practiced a lot of neutral phrases when she starts in on complaining or repeating herself until she gets the desired reaction. I try to balance treating her kindness and decency while not laying down like a doormat in acquiescence to her moods.
Regarding your precious sobriety (congratulations!), it is obviously not worth threatening if this person agitates you. Setting a good example -- from a distance -- might be the best you can do at this time.
Thanks for this.
Out of a 10 hour work day, I average about 4 or 5 hours in their vicinity.
We don't have to talk that much, but we are in the same room, within speaking distance.
On the bright side, for all of the time there are witnesses, so he can't get too weird.
I really worry I am passive aggressive and am working on that. I am working to take responsibility for successes of our interactions w out being a doormat.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
what i wonder is what does company policy say about personal conduct at work.
might be wise to keep work at work and everything else outside of work.
why would he blow up if your discussing work stuff?
might be wise to keep work at work and everything else outside of work.
why would he blow up if your discussing work stuff?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello D122y,
Although not a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I also work with someone who shows all the classic signs of alcoholism, although we have never socialized. We are in the same section at work, but our tasks are on different projects. Sometimes, however, we do help one another out in the field. This is where I am having some anxiety myself.
This man regularly calls in sick on Mondays and Tuesdays (after his binge over the weekend). He has been observably drunk on conference calls (slurring his words, making no sense, talking about random things that have nothing to do with the subject at hand). I am worried he may still be drunk someday and insist on driving while out in the field.
Since this is someone you have socialized with in the past, I can understand your feelings of loyalty. If it is possible to keep your respectful distance, that is really the only way I can think to handle it. If, however, his anger and temper continue to disrupt work and make it unbearable, it may be time to speak to your manager. I am fortunate in that my coworker is not the angry type.
I am still trying to figure out a way to *not* get in a vehicle with my coworker when heading out to do field work--he always insists on driving!
Although not a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I also work with someone who shows all the classic signs of alcoholism, although we have never socialized. We are in the same section at work, but our tasks are on different projects. Sometimes, however, we do help one another out in the field. This is where I am having some anxiety myself.
This man regularly calls in sick on Mondays and Tuesdays (after his binge over the weekend). He has been observably drunk on conference calls (slurring his words, making no sense, talking about random things that have nothing to do with the subject at hand). I am worried he may still be drunk someday and insist on driving while out in the field.
Since this is someone you have socialized with in the past, I can understand your feelings of loyalty. If it is possible to keep your respectful distance, that is really the only way I can think to handle it. If, however, his anger and temper continue to disrupt work and make it unbearable, it may be time to speak to your manager. I am fortunate in that my coworker is not the angry type.
I am still trying to figure out a way to *not* get in a vehicle with my coworker when heading out to do field work--he always insists on driving!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by Seren
Hello D122y,
Although not a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I also work with someone who shows all the classic signs of alcoholism, although we have never socialized. We are in the same section at work, but our tasks are on different projects. Sometimes, however, we do help one another out in the field. This is where I am having some anxiety myself.
This man regularly calls in sick on Mondays and Tuesdays (after his binge over the weekend). He has been observably drunk on conference calls (slurring his words, making no sense, talking about random things that have nothing to do with the subject at hand). I am worried he may still be drunk someday and insist on driving while out in the field.
Since this is someone you have socialized with in the past, I can understand your feelings of loyalty. If it is possible to keep your respectful distance, that is really the only way I can think to handle it. If, however, his anger and temper continue to disrupt work and make it unbearable, it may be time to speak to your manager. I am fortunate in that my coworker is not the angry type.
I am still trying to figure out a way to *not* get in a vehicle with my coworker when heading out to do field work--he always insists on driving!
Although not a recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I also work with someone who shows all the classic signs of alcoholism, although we have never socialized. We are in the same section at work, but our tasks are on different projects. Sometimes, however, we do help one another out in the field. This is where I am having some anxiety myself.
This man regularly calls in sick on Mondays and Tuesdays (after his binge over the weekend). He has been observably drunk on conference calls (slurring his words, making no sense, talking about random things that have nothing to do with the subject at hand). I am worried he may still be drunk someday and insist on driving while out in the field.
Since this is someone you have socialized with in the past, I can understand your feelings of loyalty. If it is possible to keep your respectful distance, that is really the only way I can think to handle it. If, however, his anger and temper continue to disrupt work and make it unbearable, it may be time to speak to your manager. I am fortunate in that my coworker is not the angry type.
I am still trying to figure out a way to *not* get in a vehicle with my coworker when heading out to do field work--he always insists on driving!
Sometimes we drive together and he does pretty good even if he seems sedated and gets easily agitated. He actually drives better than me.
Glad I got some feedback on dealing with this. Since cleaning up my act, I deal w obsession a bit and find myself worrying when I should not be.
It has gotten better and better.
Thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by tomsteve
what i wonder is what does company policy say about personal conduct at work.
might be wise to keep work at work and everything else outside of work.
why would he blow up if your discussing work stuff?
might be wise to keep work at work and everything else outside of work.
why would he blow up if your discussing work stuff?
I am not going to report him because he didn't report me when I was going through hellish anxiety after quitting.
He is a supervisor and they are allowed to blow up sometimes where I work. Being hungover, still drunk in my book, is also ok. Unless a customer reports it, dudes are hungover all the time. I was like that for years and years.
I am really taking an active role in the solution by making sure I remember he is my supervisor and keeping my mouth shut. I have to be careful because I can be passive aggressive.
This site is so great. Getting this feedback is very therapeutic. My wife just tells me to quit complaining, I make good money.
You rock.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Your #1 priority must be your own sobriety. You're not dealing with the person but his disease and I suggest giving him a very wide berth. Stop thinking you owe him something, you owe yourself much, much more. As a recovering alcoholic (25 years) I can not be in the presence of an active alcoholic for any reason.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
Your #1 priority must be your own sobriety. You're not dealing with the person but his disease and I suggest giving him a very wide berth. Stop thinking you owe him something, you owe yourself much, much more. As a recovering alcoholic (25 years) I can not be in the presence of an active alcoholic for any reason.
He doesn't seem vindictive usually, but as we all know when dealing w addicts....anything can happen.
I am surrounded by alkys and i put on a brave face. I believe you are offering sound advice to stay away. Seeing drunks drink currently makes me feel sorry for them. But that could change.
I really appreciate your feedback.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Congrats on your sobriety.
This issue-alcoholic anger-has come up a bit lately on this site.
I don't have advice, tho I agree that giving him as wide a berth as you can is a good idea.
I just think that anger is part of the alcoholic's mindset.
My sib is alcohol addicted.
We cannot, at this point, have a civil conversation because he is angry and snarly and defensive.
I avoid him as much as possible.
Which is tough at times because he lives with my mom, who I check on almost every day.
This issue-alcoholic anger-has come up a bit lately on this site.
I don't have advice, tho I agree that giving him as wide a berth as you can is a good idea.
I just think that anger is part of the alcoholic's mindset.
My sib is alcohol addicted.
We cannot, at this point, have a civil conversation because he is angry and snarly and defensive.
I avoid him as much as possible.
Which is tough at times because he lives with my mom, who I check on almost every day.
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