B91

Hi all,

I'm on day 8, feeling great and hopeful.

I picked the worst time to go sober though, with so many events I've been excited for in the near future (partly because they'd involve lots of drinking... I know, I know...) - a trip to Amsterdam next weekend, a week-long wedding in Italy in 2 weeks...

There's a hen-do for the wedding tonight, and since the bride is big into cocktails, it's a night based on cocktail-making experience. I don't know anyone from the wedding party apart from the couple (my BF is the groom's long-time friend and even he doesn't know pretty much anyone there) so I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to get to know them. But, in all honesty, I don't trust myself with keeping up with my sobriety at such an event tonight. So I decided to not go.

And now I feel like crap, because in the past I've been known to cancel things, sometimes because of my anxiety, but more often than not because I'd been hungover/already drunk and 'living life' alone at home. Now my anxiety's pretty alright, I'm not hungover/already drunk and I'm still cancelling.

Does it get easier? I've been putting so much hope in this new sober life. But it just ain't that easy, is it...

Poppy79

I'm currently at a hens night and I can safely say at 8 months sober I wish I hadn't come along. Don't feel bad for cancelling. Your sobriety should come first and a cocktail night sounds like a massive trigger.

nova84

Hi B 💜

For what it's worth I think you made a wonderful decision for yourself. As hard as it is not to pay attention to what others may think of us...I'd encourage you not to feel bad about cancelling this event. YOU know that you have done it for a great reason and right now that's all YOU need to think about.

Wishing you well on the rest of your recovery journey x

Nyah30

Hi B

I had similar events in may including a hen do. I had ten days sober and was still going strong but thought I'd be ok to still go and not drink...BIG MISTAKE. I not only drank, I ending up drinking the whole of June and most of July every night. Im ready to start again and I'm only on day 2 now. So although you feel down at the moment for cancelling. It's definitely the best decision at the moment. Wish I had done that and I'd have nearly three months sober by now.

B91

Thank you so much for your messages, they've been immensely helpful. Better safe than sorry, yeah?

MidnightRider

Do not feel guilty or bad for not going.
This is your life.... you did the right thing.

Stay strong!

HTown

At some point, you have to come first in your life. Not selfishly, but in a protective way. Your sobriety is one of those major, huge, life-changing things that should be your focus. yes, it is that important. for many it is life or death. A gathering of friends is great, a trip to Italy wonderful, etc..., but this is your life, not just an event in your life.

Carpathia

Great posts!

Hi B91. From my own experience, what gets easier is knowing and feeling comfortable saying 'it's time to go.' It becomes easier staying sober the longer I practice being sober under any and all conditions.

You made a positive choice even if it felt difficult doing so. It does get easier.

August252015

I do not go to anything that might agitate me. In any way. Things I don't want to go to, things that I find too stressful (emotionally) and that applies to friends, family, everyone. I'm 17 mo sober yesterday and that's still my MO for where, when, what and with whom I do things. My focus is on my emotional sobriety (I believe physical follows from that) and I just don't allow anything or anyone negative, not trying to live their best life, or plain doing something I won't enjoy, a seat at my table.

I take this so seriously that I declined to join my family at Christmas. I would not go to my stepdaughter's graduation or wedding or.....(all well in the future)....if it threatened my peace and that emotional sobriety. And that is always my choice; people's reactions are not mine to concern myself with - and anyone who doesn't understand my (well-thought, prayed over and discussed with my sponsor, fiance, et al) decision is not something I pay attention to. Period.

Sasha4

There is another way to see it...from my experience...

Sometimes when you don't drink, it makes others feel uncomfortable about their drinking.
We drink differently to them and they probably never will understand.

When I stopped I was invited to events where the main focus was drinking.
I hated it.
The invites started to slow down, but it really did not bother me.

Friends often felt bad about not including me to drinking events, but I just explained that I would celebrate with them in anyway they wanted but it would not include alcohol.
I was willing to go for meals, the cinema, shopping or whatever, just no drinking.
They should not change their drinking and celebration plans to accommodate me.
If I was not invited it was fine, they needed to not feel bad.

I have told few why I stopped.
I see it as my battle and I will fight it as I see fit and thats in my own quiet manner, not having to explain why.

I also found that most people forgot I was not there at the party because they had had too much to drink and their memory was sketchy anyway!

It does get easier I promise!
I have 5 years now without a drink.

I have done 6 holidays which were all inclusive, 2 weddings, all my friends 40th's, a 50th birthday, funerals and wakes, my own 40th.
The list is endless.

Now it is just accepted I don't drink.

I can be firm and I once said to a colleague please stop asking me to dance, you are making me feel uncomfortable. Its still no just like the other 100 times you have asked.
Next morning she remembered nothing!!

I would rather have the anxiety of offending someone as I had not accepted an invite as opposed to worrying myself sick what I had said or done or if I had ruined the party for everyone else by being plastered.

I wish you the best xx

tekink

imho going to events with a lot of drinking simply isn't fun. It's more like torture. Think of it as being sick, you'd not go if you had the flu.

Berrybean

Some things get easier. I think the alcohol side of things at a hen event is much easier. I trust myself not to drink. I don't trust myself not to roll my eyes at all the drunken show-off shenanigans though. Gah!!!! I HATE hen events. (To be fair, I wasn't keen when I was drinking either. Back in the day it was all those amateur drinkers getting in the way at the bar that got me grumpy though lol.)

I'd much rather be at home or with a small group of close friends having a curry than put myself through all that nowadays.

On a more serious note, I think you made a wise decision. Protecting our sobriety needs to be top priority.

BB