What should I do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 21
What should I do?
Today at my F2F I found out my sponsor relapsed and has been out for 2 weeks. I have been talking to her everyday and she hasn't said anything.
She only comes to my F2F once a week so when I didn't see her I just thought she went to the other meeting. Now I know we are only human and I'm far from mad at her (which I don't feel I have a right to be anyhow) but I am sad for her and the 1st think that pops in my head is to help her. I am 70 days sober and I'm still green with my thinking. I know right now I have to focus on myself, but this has my head swimming (and we all know, "we" can way over think things) and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. Do I stay with her or do I found someone else. This isn't something they tell ya in the meetings.
Thanks
She only comes to my F2F once a week so when I didn't see her I just thought she went to the other meeting. Now I know we are only human and I'm far from mad at her (which I don't feel I have a right to be anyhow) but I am sad for her and the 1st think that pops in my head is to help her. I am 70 days sober and I'm still green with my thinking. I know right now I have to focus on myself, but this has my head swimming (and we all know, "we" can way over think things) and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. Do I stay with her or do I found someone else. This isn't something they tell ya in the meetings.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Not meant to be snarky or mean, but does she have recovery that you want for yourself?
Finding another sponsor would probably help her as well, because she needs to concentrate on some introspection at this point. Keeping her as a sponsor would actually be enabling rather than helping.
Don't drop her from your life like a rock. Treat her like you would a friend who is sick, because basically she is. Share chicken soup from the heart. Be a shoulder and a pair of ears if she needs them, but seek guidance from someone else.
Finding another sponsor would probably help her as well, because she needs to concentrate on some introspection at this point. Keeping her as a sponsor would actually be enabling rather than helping.
Don't drop her from your life like a rock. Treat her like you would a friend who is sick, because basically she is. Share chicken soup from the heart. Be a shoulder and a pair of ears if she needs them, but seek guidance from someone else.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Sorry to hear that. Well I've been state ordered to go to AA and after a year and a half I can't answer that question either so I'll just give you my opinion. I think it's time to find another sponsor.
There are some very solid people in AA who don't relapse and never will, because they've found a path that really works for them. That's the kind of person you want to be influencing you so early in your sobriety--Someone who knows how to get and stay sober.
She may be an awesome person with a lot of great advice but she hasn't worked out how to achieve the most important goal of the group yet.
Hopefully she'll return soon. Great job on 70 days
There are some very solid people in AA who don't relapse and never will, because they've found a path that really works for them. That's the kind of person you want to be influencing you so early in your sobriety--Someone who knows how to get and stay sober.
She may be an awesome person with a lot of great advice but she hasn't worked out how to achieve the most important goal of the group yet.
Hopefully she'll return soon. Great job on 70 days
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
ask someone who has what you want as far as being recovered.
this might sound arsh, but it's not.
nez makes the points i was going to make.
getting busy on the stepwork with someone who has found recovery through that process is someone to look for.
and i understand how shocking and rocking what you might have seen as a solid foundation the relapse of someone close to us can have...i experienced it at the beginning of my sobriety, and it shook me badly.
keep going, Poppy, you have your own journey to continue.
this might sound arsh, but it's not.
nez makes the points i was going to make.
getting busy on the stepwork with someone who has found recovery through that process is someone to look for.
and i understand how shocking and rocking what you might have seen as a solid foundation the relapse of someone close to us can have...i experienced it at the beginning of my sobriety, and it shook me badly.
keep going, Poppy, you have your own journey to continue.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
I presume your sponsor has a sponsor who would be your grand sponsor. I would start by contacting them and asking for advice. If your sponsor doesn't have a sponsor than you don't want them to sponsor you anyway.
It sounds like your sponsor has a lot to work on so you will probably want to work with someone else for the time being. Perhaps now you can be a good support person for your sponsor to lean on as they get back on track.
It sounds like your sponsor has a lot to work on so you will probably want to work with someone else for the time being. Perhaps now you can be a good support person for your sponsor to lean on as they get back on track.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Poppy,
There are some serious AA folks here that can weigh in.
I am 2 years sober and I still crave sometimes, i feel stress, and I obsess.
Stay clean. Imo...70 days is well over the physical hump.
It is all mental now. Lifestyle change.
I hate booze. I don't drink anymore.
Thanks.
There are some serious AA folks here that can weigh in.
I am 2 years sober and I still crave sometimes, i feel stress, and I obsess.
Stay clean. Imo...70 days is well over the physical hump.
It is all mental now. Lifestyle change.
I hate booze. I don't drink anymore.
Thanks.
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