49 Died alone ......Why?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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49 Died alone ......Why?
My brother just died of cirrhosis of the liver he was only 49. My brother was smart and successful but he could not stop drinking. Both our parents were alcoholics our father died of cirrhosis at age 49 just like my brother. My mom stopped drinking at 49 when she was told she had cirrhosis and never took another drop of alcohol. She died at 76 her liver disease finally catching up with her. My brother was in and out of rehab and I tried everything to save him…. but I guess he didn’t want to be saved. I found him dead in his condo with 450 tall boy beer cans around him. Unfortunately by the time I got to him he had been dead 3 days. I found him flat on his stomach on the floor with blood coming out of his nose and mouth. He was jaundice and bloated. It looked like he died before he hit the ground because he did not try to stop his fall, his arms were by his side. The last time few times I spoke to him he was sober and he said he wasn’t feeling too well. He said he might have the flu. The last text I got from him he said he still had a cold, I asked him to go see a doctor ….I don’t know if he ever did. I am haunted by his sudden death and the last hours of his death. I feel that if I knew I would have been able to help him. I am sure he knew what was going on he knew all about end stage liver because of our dad and I found on his computer that he had Googled end stage liver symptoms. He was jaundiced, bloated, sick to his stomach and had very bad diarrhea he knew what was happening but he didn’t call for help he just called for a beer delivery store. I am so upset I don’t know why but I want to know everything about his last hours ….I know it can’t bring him back but I just need to know. I guess this is the closure I need. I am very sad ……. I wish I could have helped him one more time. I Tried everything I could but....
Cathy
Cathy
Alcoholism is such an awful disease. 
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Oh, Cathy. How very traumatic! Please take care of yourself. It's sad enough to lose a family member/loved one, but to also have found him in such circumstances takes it to another level. I am truly sorry for your loss.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
My heart goes out to you. Alcoholism is ugly. Your heart wrenching post reminds me of the pain and helplessness my loved ones must have felt when I was about to drop into the abyss.
I can relate to your brother and well imagine he did want to be saved, but still can't explain it. As the years go by I understand better, but I can't put it into a neat and concise nutshell in my head, much less express it in words.
Thank you for your post and I am sending my true heartfelt condolences at this difficult time.
Wishing you peace and serenity.
I can relate to your brother and well imagine he did want to be saved, but still can't explain it. As the years go by I understand better, but I can't put it into a neat and concise nutshell in my head, much less express it in words.
Thank you for your post and I am sending my true heartfelt condolences at this difficult time.
Wishing you peace and serenity.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
I am very sorry for the loss of your brother, Cathy. So terribly sad! My heart aches for you, especially having to find him that way. Please don't blame yourself. Clearly you tried very hard to help him.
Condolences to you from all of us here.
Condolences to you from all of us here.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Sorry for your loss. If I keep drinking the way I was my brother,mother,ect.. could have very well written your post. Thank you for posting your tragic story. If anything try and take some solace in your sharing this here will help others who have the same disease your brother had. Again,so sorry.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
I'm so sorry for your loss Cathy. Your post gave me shivers and I know it's of little comfort to you but your post will help so many others. It may help to save lives. It's so easy for us to glamorise alcohol. Your post cuts through all that. Reminds us that alcoholism is a brutal, unforgiving disease and if we're lucky enough to get a chance at recovery, we've got to grab that chance with both hands and never ever take it for granted.
I am so sorry for all you have gone through. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just said a prayer for you and your brother. Wish I could do more.
I am so sorry for all you have gone through. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just said a prayer for you and your brother. Wish I could do more.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Hi Cathy - I am sorry for your loss.. How very sad.
It sounds like you tried and tried..
There is only so much one can do for another.
Please take good care of yourself..
- MR
It sounds like you tried and tried..
There is only so much one can do for another.
Please take good care of yourself..
- MR
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
I am so sorry for your loss, Cathy. It sounds like you did all you could. Even had you been able to be there for him "one more time" it more than likely wouldn't have changed the outcome. Be at peace. Your brother's suffering is over now. My prayers for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for your loss Cathy, and for the experience of finding your brother like that.
You know, even I you had known earlier, its unlikely you would have talked him out of continuing to drink. I know that I am one of the lucky ones, as are all the folk in recovery and sober on this forum.
I hope you find some peace soon.
BB
You know, even I you had known earlier, its unlikely you would have talked him out of continuing to drink. I know that I am one of the lucky ones, as are all the folk in recovery and sober on this forum.
I hope you find some peace soon.
BB
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi and welcome to SR Cathy, I'm very sorry what brings you here but glad you are here. Addiction is a monster, and some don't make it. As far as closure, maybe he went the way he wanted to. Sounds like he had been advised to seek some medical help, but chose not to. So sad. Prayers to you.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Rupert ID
Posts: 469
I'm so sorry, Cathy. I wish there was an answer to why?, but there just isn't one that I know of. I also have a family with a long history of alcoholism, but why it strikes some and not others, I do not know. Sending you my sympathy though.
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