I drank again, and still at it, some support please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
I drank again, and still at it, some support please
So I been a member here for some time now. I drank and am drinking again. I want to stop but I dunno how. And I feel so lonely and isolated. This is why I drank/drink in the first place. When I stop drinking my loneliness is still present. How can I get rid of my loneliness? How can I find happiness? I know you guys say to go to AA, but I have a family friend that does counseling there and I don't want my relatives to know that I go AA meetings.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Whopper,
Welcome back. I think that as long as you drink, you will continue to be lonely. And, yes, when you begin recovery you will still be lonely at the outset, but you will be able to meet people and get involved in activities you enjoy.
I'm not an AA person, but I'm sure they don't have counsellors. It's peer support, just as it is here. Have you considered AVRT or other recovery options. It's possible that therapy might help you as well. The main thing is to find something that works for you and go with it. And, I hope you keep posting here.
Welcome back. I think that as long as you drink, you will continue to be lonely. And, yes, when you begin recovery you will still be lonely at the outset, but you will be able to meet people and get involved in activities you enjoy.
I'm not an AA person, but I'm sure they don't have counsellors. It's peer support, just as it is here. Have you considered AVRT or other recovery options. It's possible that therapy might help you as well. The main thing is to find something that works for you and go with it. And, I hope you keep posting here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by whopper 
...I don't want my relatives to know that I go AA meetings.
For most of us, sobriety took change. Massive change sometimes. Change to how we cope, change to how we deal with anxiety, stress loneness, isolation. Changes to how we view our relationship with alcohol. You are going to have to make some changes if you want to quit drinking. Changes that are going to cause you discomfort. AA might be one of those changes you need to make.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Anna is right. AA does not have counselors. What exactly does the family friend do as a counselor?
Make tomorrow your day one. Dump all the alcohol before you go to bed and don't buy anymore.
Make tomorrow your day one. Dump all the alcohol before you go to bed and don't buy anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Originally Posted by least
Anna is right. AA does not have counselors. What exactly does the family friend do as a counselor?
Make tomorrow your day one. Dump all the alcohol before you go to bed and don't buy anymore.
Make tomorrow your day one. Dump all the alcohol before you go to bed and don't buy anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
I am an alcoholic. I did not want to use that word- because I was not as bad aas those 'alcoholics'. I had a job, a great house- family. Until I did not have a job, a house or a family. I am an alcoholic. It does not define me, but I AM! Facing myself- without shame and doing something positive meant being accountable to myself. I go to AA. All my family knew anyway.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Perhaps just begin by talking to the family friend. It's a step further than the start you've made here...that is progress!
Maybe try a meeting a tad out of the way.
I drank in isolation...not fun.
I've made several really good friends in AA..we all went grocery shopping for a big Saturday night out...I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It's been wonderful. Not for everyone, but it is the new way for me.
Jules
Maybe try a meeting a tad out of the way.
I drank in isolation...not fun.
I've made several really good friends in AA..we all went grocery shopping for a big Saturday night out...I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. It's been wonderful. Not for everyone, but it is the new way for me.
Jules
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
When I admitted I was an alcoholic it became unanimous. I told my wife I might go to AA but then everyone would know.
Honey, they already know was here response.
There was funeral held for a gent who died from the drink. His mother spoke with friends as they attended the service. One friend at a loss for words asked did he ever try AA??!?
Oh heavens no, he wasn't that bad............
Honey, they already know was here response.
There was funeral held for a gent who died from the drink. His mother spoke with friends as they attended the service. One friend at a loss for words asked did he ever try AA??!?
Oh heavens no, he wasn't that bad............
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 588
I can second the experience that "everyone knows already." Everyone close is probably on to it and if you choose to go get help, those who love you will be happy for you and support you. Anyone who would be critical of me for getting help, I would have to re-examine our relationship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
AA or not, get back on the wagon and be proud of it. If you can't seem to get a start, go to a meeting or reach out (as you've done here) and try something new. Sometimes to get sober we have to not give a damn what others think. Being sober is bad-to-the-bone, not something to be ashamed of!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I think it's a leap of faith.
Drinking isn't making you any less lonely - in fact if you're a lone drinker much of the time, it's making it worse.
Not drinking won't magically solve everything but it will be a massive step in the right direction
You have to have faith that not drinking will eventually lead to you mixing more with other people again, making new friendships and maybe renewing a few old ones
the longer you leave the leap, the harder it's gonna get Whopper.
Whaddya reckon?
D
Drinking isn't making you any less lonely - in fact if you're a lone drinker much of the time, it's making it worse.
Not drinking won't magically solve everything but it will be a massive step in the right direction
You have to have faith that not drinking will eventually lead to you mixing more with other people again, making new friendships and maybe renewing a few old ones
the longer you leave the leap, the harder it's gonna get Whopper.
Whaddya reckon?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Hi whopper and I truly hope your post is the start of a committed effort for sobriety.
I sense a vicious cycle of loneliness, drinking, isolating, loneliness, drinking, isolating.........its a bit chicken and egg isn't it? Thing is it doesn't really matter which came first or which caused the other. Fact is nothing even has a chance of improving whilst you are drinking.
I do understand the feeling of everything being the same or even a little worse in early recovery. It doesn't feel nice at all. Then you're at the mercy of your addiction telling you that nothing is better so I might as well drink I'm hopeless. Lies lies lies.
That's the point where day by day you can get a little stronger, gain a little confidence and maybe find some way of connecting with others. Here is a good start. I know it's not physical reality but SR has helped me feel a lot less lonely. A lot less alone.
Then as the days go by (and they will you are not a lost case) you may reconsider some sort of face to face recovery support. Or maybe something else. A book club, a walking group, voluntary work, an exercise class......?
Alcohol will never help you. It is not your friend. It wants you in the pit of loneliness.
Please commit to a day 1 .......we are here. You are not alone.
I sense a vicious cycle of loneliness, drinking, isolating, loneliness, drinking, isolating.........its a bit chicken and egg isn't it? Thing is it doesn't really matter which came first or which caused the other. Fact is nothing even has a chance of improving whilst you are drinking.
I do understand the feeling of everything being the same or even a little worse in early recovery. It doesn't feel nice at all. Then you're at the mercy of your addiction telling you that nothing is better so I might as well drink I'm hopeless. Lies lies lies.
That's the point where day by day you can get a little stronger, gain a little confidence and maybe find some way of connecting with others. Here is a good start. I know it's not physical reality but SR has helped me feel a lot less lonely. A lot less alone.
Then as the days go by (and they will you are not a lost case) you may reconsider some sort of face to face recovery support. Or maybe something else. A book club, a walking group, voluntary work, an exercise class......?
Alcohol will never help you. It is not your friend. It wants you in the pit of loneliness.
Please commit to a day 1 .......we are here. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi there, you have my support and understanding. I know what it feels like to want it so bad and not seem to be able to get out of the cycle. I'll reiterate what others have said, change is necessary and often, well actually, likely, that change will be uncomfortable at first.
I was drowning in alcohol, barely keeping my head above water. Drinking from morning to night, and every single day hating myself and all that my life had become because of my addiction. I am no where near what I would consider out of the woods, but I am feeling really solid right now and I know that it has to do with my willingness to do absolutely ANYTHING to stay sober. ANYTHING.
Rehab rehab everyone suggested. Me? no way. No way I can go to rehab! people will know, I can't leave my kids, my work, my house. No, I'll figure this out without having to resort to that. Well I couldn't. And I finally went to rehab. best decision ever. And my life, house, work, kids? It all worked out. I even managed to do it with very, very few people knowing where I went for a month. Sound unbelievable? Actually it is really believable if you are as lonely and isolated as I was.
But I relapsed a few times. Nope, not gonna have it, I said. I am NOT going back to the hell of drinking my life away. So what to do? AA they said, try AA. But no, I can't get to the meeting, there is only one meeting where I live, I hate the people there, all they do is complain, I don't really know if there is a god, what is this higher power business... Another relapse. So AA it is. I found an online sponsor and am working the steps.
Antabuse? check
anti-craving medication? check
individual therapy? check
psychiatrist and anti-anxiety/mood-stabalising/anti-depressive medications? check
Reading recovery literature? check
Staying involved at SR? check
I have also been able to do things which support my recovery and my new sober lifestyle now that the alcohol is out of my system and I am not drunk or hungover 24/7. I am active, I garden, I go to karate 3 times a week, I am taking french lessons, I volunteer. I do anything to stay busy and put myself out there.
Is there a party at the beach with music? Ok, i'll go. I don't know anyone, but who cares?
Concert? Yes!
Book reading at the library? Why not?
Guided nature walk at the local lake? Sure, bring the bug spray!
I know where you are at mentally and physically and it all just seems so overwhelming, but you can do it. I swear you can. You don't have to take on all these suggestions at once. But you do have to change something. You do have to start somewhere.
I think talking to the minister would be a great idea. I think that they are bound by a code of ethics to keep your personal business between you and them. Once you speak to him maybe then you can make the leap to attending an AA meeting and getting a sponsor. I am also pretty certain that no one else who attends AA meetings is going to go around talking about the fact that you have showed up. That's part of the deal, who and what goes on in the rooms stays in the room. Get a sponsor and start working the steps.
And one last thing, something my mother always told me (with kindness and love) when i was worried about what everyone was saying and thinking about me. She would say, do you really think that you are that important, that special that everyone in the world spends all their time thinking and talking about YOU?
I guarantee you that there is more talk going on now, with you as the family drunk, than there will be when you go to AA and start getting serious about getting sober. There might be a little bit of "oohhhh ohhhhh gossip" at first but it will surely die down quickly and life will just go on and on.. as it does.
I was drowning in alcohol, barely keeping my head above water. Drinking from morning to night, and every single day hating myself and all that my life had become because of my addiction. I am no where near what I would consider out of the woods, but I am feeling really solid right now and I know that it has to do with my willingness to do absolutely ANYTHING to stay sober. ANYTHING.
Rehab rehab everyone suggested. Me? no way. No way I can go to rehab! people will know, I can't leave my kids, my work, my house. No, I'll figure this out without having to resort to that. Well I couldn't. And I finally went to rehab. best decision ever. And my life, house, work, kids? It all worked out. I even managed to do it with very, very few people knowing where I went for a month. Sound unbelievable? Actually it is really believable if you are as lonely and isolated as I was.
But I relapsed a few times. Nope, not gonna have it, I said. I am NOT going back to the hell of drinking my life away. So what to do? AA they said, try AA. But no, I can't get to the meeting, there is only one meeting where I live, I hate the people there, all they do is complain, I don't really know if there is a god, what is this higher power business... Another relapse. So AA it is. I found an online sponsor and am working the steps.
Antabuse? check
anti-craving medication? check
individual therapy? check
psychiatrist and anti-anxiety/mood-stabalising/anti-depressive medications? check
Reading recovery literature? check
Staying involved at SR? check
I have also been able to do things which support my recovery and my new sober lifestyle now that the alcohol is out of my system and I am not drunk or hungover 24/7. I am active, I garden, I go to karate 3 times a week, I am taking french lessons, I volunteer. I do anything to stay busy and put myself out there.
Is there a party at the beach with music? Ok, i'll go. I don't know anyone, but who cares?
Concert? Yes!
Book reading at the library? Why not?
Guided nature walk at the local lake? Sure, bring the bug spray!
I know where you are at mentally and physically and it all just seems so overwhelming, but you can do it. I swear you can. You don't have to take on all these suggestions at once. But you do have to change something. You do have to start somewhere.
I think talking to the minister would be a great idea. I think that they are bound by a code of ethics to keep your personal business between you and them. Once you speak to him maybe then you can make the leap to attending an AA meeting and getting a sponsor. I am also pretty certain that no one else who attends AA meetings is going to go around talking about the fact that you have showed up. That's part of the deal, who and what goes on in the rooms stays in the room. Get a sponsor and start working the steps.
And one last thing, something my mother always told me (with kindness and love) when i was worried about what everyone was saying and thinking about me. She would say, do you really think that you are that important, that special that everyone in the world spends all their time thinking and talking about YOU?
I guarantee you that there is more talk going on now, with you as the family drunk, than there will be when you go to AA and start getting serious about getting sober. There might be a little bit of "oohhhh ohhhhh gossip" at first but it will surely die down quickly and life will just go on and on.. as it does.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Everybody in my world knew I drank too much unless they were woefully oblivious. Those who knew I was a drunk were very happy and supportive of me when I began recovery and started going to AA. I've made some great friends, grown a ton as a human being (and I do mean a ton) and I'm a totally different person now, for the better. Personally, I don't care who knows I go to AA. I'm proud of the fact that I embraced recovery. Lots of ppl for whatever reason have too much pride and they just won't reach out for help, so they stay drunk and their lives circle the drain. That being said, AA isn't the only recovery method. Look around the site a bit. There are other options that have worked for people. Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 51
If you don't feel comfortable going to AA, look into finding a private counselor who specializes in addiction and recovery. The visit is private, and they should be able to offer you assistance in making a plan to stay sober.
If you feel that you will be lonely with or without alcohol, then recognize that drinking is not a solution to the problem. If anything, it exacerbates it because it's hard to make a genuine human connection with someone when you're under the influence.
I wish you the absolute best.
If you feel that you will be lonely with or without alcohol, then recognize that drinking is not a solution to the problem. If anything, it exacerbates it because it's hard to make a genuine human connection with someone when you're under the influence.
I wish you the absolute best.
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