Wife lashing out to me when I do speak with her
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1
Wife lashing out to me when I do speak with her
My wife is in a 6-month program for drug addiction. She has only been in rehab for 3 months and now the calls that I do get from her seem less and less as well as when I do speak with her she tells me not-so-nice things such as I'm jealous of her accomplishments while she's in rehab and when I asked her to call me a little bit more or spend some time with me on the phone instead of 2 minutes and three minutes per call even though she's allowed 10 minutes at a time . She then proceeds to lash out at me saying I can't control what she does in there. I have a feeling that her peers are feeding her this type of information and to be honest I'm starting to get upset even angry about some of the things she's tells me because I'm at home with our 4 month old baby raising him alone and I am going through it as well .Our last conversation ended with me telling her I just wanted to get off the phone that I loved her and goodbye but I'm scared to react too harsh because I want her to get better and I don't want to make it too hard for her while she's in there. Just looking for some advice please help
Last edited by Aally; 07-16-2017 at 09:11 AM. Reason: Didnt finish post
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Aally.
Welcome to SR.
You know, people are just all over the place emotionally when they are in rehab.
Please take good care of yourself and the baby. Know it must be hard to handle at times.
Deep breaths. Day at a time.
All will be revealed in time.
Welcome to SR.
You know, people are just all over the place emotionally when they are in rehab.
Please take good care of yourself and the baby. Know it must be hard to handle at times.
Deep breaths. Day at a time.
All will be revealed in time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Aaly, Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation. It's good that your wife is in rehab and I hope she benefits from it. Have you considered support for yourself through AlAnon in your area? I think it's important to keep the focus on you and your baby.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
It must be difficult for you.
Hope you can find some support !
Sounds like your wife is going through tough times and changes.
So maybe best to just let her be....... What I mean is "don't ask her for anything"...don't bring up anything emotional. Just let her talk and you be there for her. I think the stuff she says that you are "jealous of her accomplishments"... (shes in rehab ). That is just her blabbing on... prob not her heart talking.
I am sure after 6 months she will be a different person...... You never know? So be prepared if she has changed. Be prepared to make changes too.
Hope this is ok ,, what I am saying. I have no experience. Just putting some stuff down as food for thought.
- MR
Hope you can find some support !
Sounds like your wife is going through tough times and changes.
So maybe best to just let her be....... What I mean is "don't ask her for anything"...don't bring up anything emotional. Just let her talk and you be there for her. I think the stuff she says that you are "jealous of her accomplishments"... (shes in rehab ). That is just her blabbing on... prob not her heart talking.
I am sure after 6 months she will be a different person...... You never know? So be prepared if she has changed. Be prepared to make changes too.
Hope this is ok ,, what I am saying. I have no experience. Just putting some stuff down as food for thought.
- MR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hi Aally,
I am really sorry for the pain you are going through right now.
The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself so you can feel good about the fact that you can and are taking good care of your baby.
I agree, some community support would be great, and Alanon, if you are able to go would be a great place for support and understanding. Also, do you have friends and family nearby who are able to help out? Give you a bit of time to yourself even if it's coming over and entertaining little one while you have a nap, go for a walk, just give yourself a pause to breathe.
Do you attend church where you may be able to lean on people for support?
Do you have a counselor you would be able to talk to?
I think support is essential to taking care of you. Early recovery is a tough, messy place for a lot of us, and working out the kinks of resentments can be very hard if we can't get out of the blame game. Anger often feels better at first then walking through the shame and guilt we feel from our past actions during our addictions.
Finding a way to put yourself first, and not carrying the guilt or trying to change how she is behaving may give you a bit of peace. You will have to do some work on this.
You didn't cause it. You can't change it. And you can't control it.
All that is in her hands. What's left is what you are doing for YOU today.
If you haven't already found it I highly suggest the Friend & Family forum where you will get great support and understanding from those who have walked that you are on right now.
I wish you the best, sending you and your baby love and peaceful hugs, and strength and healing for your wife.
Del
I am really sorry for the pain you are going through right now.
The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself so you can feel good about the fact that you can and are taking good care of your baby.
I agree, some community support would be great, and Alanon, if you are able to go would be a great place for support and understanding. Also, do you have friends and family nearby who are able to help out? Give you a bit of time to yourself even if it's coming over and entertaining little one while you have a nap, go for a walk, just give yourself a pause to breathe.
Do you attend church where you may be able to lean on people for support?
Do you have a counselor you would be able to talk to?
I think support is essential to taking care of you. Early recovery is a tough, messy place for a lot of us, and working out the kinks of resentments can be very hard if we can't get out of the blame game. Anger often feels better at first then walking through the shame and guilt we feel from our past actions during our addictions.
Finding a way to put yourself first, and not carrying the guilt or trying to change how she is behaving may give you a bit of peace. You will have to do some work on this.
You didn't cause it. You can't change it. And you can't control it.
All that is in her hands. What's left is what you are doing for YOU today.
If you haven't already found it I highly suggest the Friend & Family forum where you will get great support and understanding from those who have walked that you are on right now.
I wish you the best, sending you and your baby love and peaceful hugs, and strength and healing for your wife.
Del
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