New here, this is my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: France
Posts: 88
New here, this is my story
Hi,
I'm 26 years old, I live in France and I've been an alcoholic for 5 years.
I was not drinking every day for 5 years because my addiction works in cycles : I would drink every night (alone) for maybe 6 months, get sober for 2 months to pass my exams and get back in a decent shape then I would drawn in alcohol for another 6 months.
During my drinking periods I would put on UNBELIEVABLE amounts of weight, then get completely disgusted with myself and lose it all during the 2 months sober on a crash diet. I feel like this endless cycle really took a toll on my body.
I think that I drink because I hate myself and the more I drink the more I hate myself. I always feel like I have wasted so much time drinking instead of achieving stuff.
My personality changed a whole lot during the last 5 years. I went from being friendly and spontaneous to extremely solitary and calculating everything. It's not a problem though, I 'm used to it and I like it now.
I've been sober for 6 days now and I'm feeling good. Never experienced withdrawals or anything like that. I know for sure that the next two months will be like a honeymoon with my sobriety but then I'll feel good again and I'll want to drink again. This time I won't let it happen though, I have too much to loose.
Thanks for reading this
I'm 26 years old, I live in France and I've been an alcoholic for 5 years.
I was not drinking every day for 5 years because my addiction works in cycles : I would drink every night (alone) for maybe 6 months, get sober for 2 months to pass my exams and get back in a decent shape then I would drawn in alcohol for another 6 months.
During my drinking periods I would put on UNBELIEVABLE amounts of weight, then get completely disgusted with myself and lose it all during the 2 months sober on a crash diet. I feel like this endless cycle really took a toll on my body.
I think that I drink because I hate myself and the more I drink the more I hate myself. I always feel like I have wasted so much time drinking instead of achieving stuff.
My personality changed a whole lot during the last 5 years. I went from being friendly and spontaneous to extremely solitary and calculating everything. It's not a problem though, I 'm used to it and I like it now.
I've been sober for 6 days now and I'm feeling good. Never experienced withdrawals or anything like that. I know for sure that the next two months will be like a honeymoon with my sobriety but then I'll feel good again and I'll want to drink again. This time I won't let it happen though, I have too much to loose.
Thanks for reading this
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi prodigy and welcome to SR. I have a question for you, do you isolate during your two months sober?
You are smart to catch this while you are young. So many of us were not that smart or lucky or whatever you want to call it.
You are smart to catch this while you are young. So many of us were not that smart or lucky or whatever you want to call it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: France
Posts: 88
Thank you both for you warm welcome.
Absolutely, most times I go on a "quarantine" to stay sober.
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Hi prodigy and welcome to SR. I have a question for you, do you isolate during your two months sober? .
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
I just re-read your post...
PLEASE - Stay strong and break this cycle.
I can tell you...It gets so much better. Take control and You will be confident and happy again. Trust me.. I know you can do it if I could..
PLEASE - Stay strong and break this cycle.
I can tell you...It gets so much better. Take control and You will be confident and happy again. Trust me.. I know you can do it if I could..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
I hope that you break the cycle. Gaining and losing weight over and over again will take a toll on your body, along with the alcoholism. Maybe you can put a plan in place so that when you get the urge to begin drinking again, you will be prepared.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 90
Welcome Prodigy!
I am 27 and I can relate to a lot of what you have described. My relationship with alcohol and food/binge eating has also been cyclical, with periods of sobriety and regimented eating and exercise punctuating the alcohol and food binges.
Ultimately, I decided that I was done forfeiting my life to this maladaptive behaviour, and I've decided to take control for once and for all. I am now 6 weeks sober, and my short term goal is to reach one year without food binging or extreme dieting, whilst maintaining my sobriety long term.
I went to see a psychotherapist for a few months and found that this greatly helped to strengthen my resolve and mindset for embarking on this journey and to plan for long term success by identifying triggers and focusing on how to mitigate these as they arise.
I have found the community here on SR invaluable for ongoing encouragement and reinforcement of my decision to create long term sobriety benchmarks and not to succumb to my usual cyclical downfalls.
Wishing you all the best, and welcome to SR!!
I am 27 and I can relate to a lot of what you have described. My relationship with alcohol and food/binge eating has also been cyclical, with periods of sobriety and regimented eating and exercise punctuating the alcohol and food binges.
Ultimately, I decided that I was done forfeiting my life to this maladaptive behaviour, and I've decided to take control for once and for all. I am now 6 weeks sober, and my short term goal is to reach one year without food binging or extreme dieting, whilst maintaining my sobriety long term.
I went to see a psychotherapist for a few months and found that this greatly helped to strengthen my resolve and mindset for embarking on this journey and to plan for long term success by identifying triggers and focusing on how to mitigate these as they arise.
I have found the community here on SR invaluable for ongoing encouragement and reinforcement of my decision to create long term sobriety benchmarks and not to succumb to my usual cyclical downfalls.
Wishing you all the best, and welcome to SR!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by TheProdigy
Thank you both for you warm welcome.
Absolutely, most times I go on a "quarantine" to stay sober.
Absolutely, most times I go on a "quarantine" to stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: France
Posts: 88
I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time, how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again? Like sometimes I'm left wondering "man, I have no escape now, I'm stuck in "reality" for good/I'll never be able to celebrate again ". Do you just ignore it or do you accept it ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 131
I have not been a long time sober but I can tell you how it works for me. trying to ignore the fact that I can't
ever drink again is tough on me as I bet most alcoholics in early sobriety but the more times I relapse the more I learn to accept it.
you're young. try to get a grip on it now.
ever drink again is tough on me as I bet most alcoholics in early sobriety but the more times I relapse the more I learn to accept it.
you're young. try to get a grip on it now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by TheProdigy
I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time, how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again? Like sometimes I'm left wondering "man, I have no escape now, I'm stuck in "reality" for good/I'll never be able to celebrate again ". Do you just ignore it or do you accept it ?
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by TheProdigy
I have a question for those who have been sober for a long time,
how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again?
how did you handle the fact that you will never be able to drink again?
It just came to the point where I can accept it..... I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN.... Just plain and simple.
It's like other things... I don't smoke anymore either. I don't snort stuff anymore... I don't jump out of airplanes (well I never did that ... So I don't miss it).
But really ... My mind and body are MUCH better off now. So are my relationships.... My music ...
I can really "feel" that I made the right decision.
Good wishes to you today!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Hi TheProdigy - it's so good to have you join us.
Congratulations on your 6 sober days.
I was rather sorry for myself in the early days - even though I knew I would lose my life if I didn't quit. I kept thinking only of the fun times - not the horrible, dangerous situation drinking had put me in. After a while I felt so much better being sober that the longing to drink left me almost completely. It was such a relief to be free of it. Try not to look too far down the road - be patient with yourself.
Congratulations on your 6 sober days.
I was rather sorry for myself in the early days - even though I knew I would lose my life if I didn't quit. I kept thinking only of the fun times - not the horrible, dangerous situation drinking had put me in. After a while I felt so much better being sober that the longing to drink left me almost completely. It was such a relief to be free of it. Try not to look too far down the road - be patient with yourself.
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