Colors39

Today was a terrible day.
My car had to be towed on my only 7 day vacation of the year, 2 days before i am ready to go to the beach.
it has a bad ignition, i only just bought it last year.
my boyfriend is drinking all day today.
acting like a fool.
i am depressed.
i think that i am a failure for not facing my problems.
i want to be alone

Colors39

I keep giving hints that we need to break up but he doesn't seem to want to he keeps saying he is trying to fix everything

LeeJane

Sorry to hear you have all this going on. Sending you supportive hugs.

Colors39

ty i appreciate it. i don't want to be in a relationship anymore and i can't break it

LeeJane

We posted at the same time.

Um, you are allowed to TELL him to clear off, you don't have to hint. If you are done with him, you are allowed to break up with him. He can then take his annoying drinking elsewhere.

Colors39

But he has done so much for me, he is literally my ONLY friend. without him i will sit in my house by myself. i have no friends from high school or college cuz of how many problems i was going through at the time. so i'll just sit there bored and alone, going to all the places we used to go together, but now i am by myself

LexieCat

I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

Giving an alcoholic partner "hints" about breaking up is a waste of time. First of all, he doesn't have to agree. It doesn't have to be a mutual decision. You simply say, "I care about you, but this situation is harming me, so I am breaking up with you." Or words to that effect. Secondly, he WON'T agree--breaking up disturbs he self-absorbed alcoholic world. He doesn't want you to leave, he wants you to be fine with his drinking. Clearly you aren't OK with it, and you have every right not to be OK with it.

He can get sober without your help. He does not NEED your help, whatever he says. There are many places he can get help if he chooses to get help, including AA, which is free. If he does not seek help, he is not ready to be done drinking. So if you stay where you are, it will continue to get worse.

Can you find a friend to go to the beach with? Sounds like you could use the break. Is there public transportation you can take?

honeypig

Life with an alcoholic can make your world get real small, real fast. You know what? It's all still out there! You just need to go look for it.

You are no longer in high school or college. You are capable of making new friends and finding new activities. Indeed, it's your responsibility to make your own friends and have your own interests and activities. Otherwise, who are you--a shadow of what someone else thinks and does?

Making changes and getting outside our comfort zone is never easy or pleasant, but it's part of life and part of growing. You have all the power in the world to change things, but YOU are the one who's going to have to make the effort.

FallenAngelina

Fear of being alone is the worst reason to stay in a relationship and one that will ultimately backfire because you're not addressing why you isolate yourself. Your boyfriend's drinking isn't really the central problem - although - it can be a great ticket into Al-Anon and be your opportunity to start looking inward at what your social fears are all about. And - Al-Anon can be a great way to make authentic new friendships with people who are health minded and inspiring to be around.

Your life is always, always, always your choice.

PuzzledHeart

It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to stay with him.

When my ex-fiance broke up with me, I was in a similar situation. My best friends lived hours away from me, and I was alone in a city that was very much his city. When he broke up with me and called off the wedding, my social life went into third-wheel drive, because the friends that were close to me were all married. And that really sucked.

So I had to start from scratch. And you know what, that year, I ended up creating a real life for myself. I ended up pursuing some interests and having adventures that even now I can't believe I experienced. And even though my heart was shattered in a million pieces (there were mornings where I would just wake up and immediately start crying), I look back upon that year with fondness and nostalgia. I did end up meeting my husband a year and a half after the breakup, but that year, that year was INCREDIBLE.

It was first his city, then our city, but that year I made it MY city. I called all the shots. I went to places that I wanted to go to. I hung out in places as long as I wanted. I wrote in my journal while I sat in restaurants by myself, and realized that I was OK. I saw the movies and plays that I wanted to see. Most importantly, I made solid, long-lasting friendships that still exist today.

Being alone doesn't have to be a curse. Being alone can be the best gift you can give yourself.

rae145

But he has done so much for me, he is literally my ONLY friend. without him i will sit in my house by myself. i have no friends from high school or college cuz of how many problems i was going through at the time. so i'll just sit there bored and alone, going to all the places we used to go together, but now i am by myself

Of course he is your only Friend and you will be all alone-but you already are. There's beauty in this, trust me. I was in an alcoholic marriage for 32 yrs. I finally left after I realized he had no interest in me, the marriage, etc... I moved 5 hours away- Wow talk about being alone! I was so so sad, debilitated almost. It was a hit financially too. He quickly replaced me with another woman. But I knew it was up to me and no one else to dig myself out of this hole. Nobody really wants to hear continually about your fears, grief, feelings, blah, blah, blah.
I joined a gym, community gardening, took some cheap adult ed classes, made myself get up,and get dressed everyday, got a therapist, attended al anon phone and f2f meetings, listened to therapists on you tube. In other words, I got very, very busy and made friends by putting myself out there. I have some hard days still but I am freer than I've been since my 20s.
I wish you well.

SimplyE

Dealing with depression myself and had a thought after reading a back-post of all the positive things about your boyfriend. Maybe put the focus on yourself and write 10 good things about yourself. More would be even better.

If you are like me it will be hard. It might be worth a try and I am going to attempt to do that today myself. We can change no one but ourselves.

Many small steps to get to a better life

~~~~~~~~~~
Small steps to having others in your life and creating new friends and connections.

This takes action to change being alone. Small steps for me there too. Severe SA which I am concurring daily. Al-Anon is a great idea. There are many good ideas to try in the above posts. Without action we stay stuck. Just one small accomplishment of getting out can build on itself.

If you want to be alone you can choose that too.
Take good care of you
Treat yourself well
Focus on small things
Just Today

Wishing you well and big hugs.

PhoenixJ

Can you go to al-anon? Or get some local help? Acommunity woman's support centre, therapist...?
Support to you. Depression is crap. I have had it all my life- the gut wrenching- do you feel like killing yourself (as asked by doctors- never do) chronic, xcclinical kind,.
I write lists. Then I just have to face one hassle, problem, anxiety ata time. If there are 4 or 5- I work on each in turn, for 5 minutes- every day. Keep the wheels in motion- in small, digestible bits. I journal- progressively. Keep a small notebook on me always- to write anything that comes into my mind. Then when meeting with my counsellor- I keep a dotpoint summary of what is bugging me.
Support to you.

BrianTX2000

I am sorry that life feels rough right now. Someone posted a poem that made me feel better with I was feeling down. Maybe this will help you.

The Guest House