Tell me I'm not the only one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: oakland, ca
Posts: 4
Tell me I'm not the only one
My husband went into detox last week and came home on Monday. He is trying, but things are still bad between us. I dealt with alot during his addiction. I still have really bad feelings about the things he said and done. Tell me that other wifes/mates feel the same. I know things will not change over night, but someone please tell me there is hope for us still. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: joliet il
Posts: 1
I feel you. I have a lot of confusion and anger even thought i know he is sick. I feel so hurt sometimes i am sick to my stomach. It is hard to not have anger. I even feel sometimes that i wish i never married him. Right now i am in tears for a bunch of stuff that is going on. I wish you a lot of strength and i hope you find some nice people on this board.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 131
THERE IS HOPE!!!!
As a recovering alcoholic, i know we can be unbearable at times. While drunk, we've said things to you that we A)don't mean, and B) most likely don't remember. We're so, so, SO ashamed about the things we said and did, even more ashamed that we don't know the extent of it, that we shut down and get incredibly defensive when you remind us of it. We're not mad at you, we're mad and dissapointed in ourselves.
When we get sober, we try really hard. But our most recent memories include hurting you, and we're still ashamed. But as time goes by, we'll make new memories and we'll begin to forgive ourselves, and hope you will too.
Aminah, it will get better. YOu're an incredible woman for supporting your husband, and things will get better. Keep you're head up!!
***editor's note: by "we", I meant me, and don't imply that I know anything about what anyone else has done. Editor has been through this with her significant other, and speaks only from her experience and not anyone else's on this site :-).
As a recovering alcoholic, i know we can be unbearable at times. While drunk, we've said things to you that we A)don't mean, and B) most likely don't remember. We're so, so, SO ashamed about the things we said and did, even more ashamed that we don't know the extent of it, that we shut down and get incredibly defensive when you remind us of it. We're not mad at you, we're mad and dissapointed in ourselves.
When we get sober, we try really hard. But our most recent memories include hurting you, and we're still ashamed. But as time goes by, we'll make new memories and we'll begin to forgive ourselves, and hope you will too.
Aminah, it will get better. YOu're an incredible woman for supporting your husband, and things will get better. Keep you're head up!!
***editor's note: by "we", I meant me, and don't imply that I know anything about what anyone else has done. Editor has been through this with her significant other, and speaks only from her experience and not anyone else's on this site :-).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: PTY - Panama
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by sickk&tired
***editor's note: by "we", I meant me, and don't imply that I know anything about what anyone else has done. Editor has been through this with her significant other, and speaks only from her experience and not anyone else's on this site :-).
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Theres hope, theres always hope. Addiction, and the hurt and damage that it does, effects the addict and everybody around the addict. And it doesn't happen over night, unfortunatly, niether does recovery.
While your not wrong to feel like you do, (because you've been through alot also), it's equally important for you to try to get some help for your self as well.
There are alot of people here who have been on the receiving end of an addicts behaviors also. Wander around our forums and keep posting as you do, you'll see the hope, and you'll see your not alone.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
While your not wrong to feel like you do, (because you've been through alot also), it's equally important for you to try to get some help for your self as well.
There are alot of people here who have been on the receiving end of an addicts behaviors also. Wander around our forums and keep posting as you do, you'll see the hope, and you'll see your not alone.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((animah)))
(((the princess)))
Welcome to SR!
I hear you both. I know the hurt an addict brings to our lives. But, as Doug and sick stated, there IS hope!!!
My son is a (now recovering) heroin addict. For 10 years, life was hell. Until I learned the 3 Cs. I didn't cause it; I can't control it; and I can't cure it. There is a saying around here; "Hands OFF the addict!" We need to let go and let G*D.
But, HOW???
Please visit the naranon board and the friends and family of alcoholics (alanon) board. There are many wise people who are in your shoes and can help guide you. Read the stickies posted on the tops of the forum. (Especially the one in naranon, "what addicts do." It is a real eye opener - every time I read it!) We share our ESH, (experience, strength and hope), with each other. You will find a comraderie through this sharing with others experiencing the very things you do.
Also, I recommend the book, Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. It is the "Bible" of codependents - those of us whose lives are adversely affected by people with addictions.
If you can find a meeting, please get to one. ASAP. Get to a naranon or an alanon meeting and see others dealing with the same issues, the same "quacking" as are you. A sponsor will guide you along the 12 steps of the program. Working these steps will lead you to the life you are meant to have. To the authentic "you."
Finally, please come here to SR often, read, post, vent, share and learn how we can live our own lives dispite the chaos created by our addicts and our reactions to them. We can learn to be proactive. We can learn to live our lives. We can learn.
My prayer for you is this serenity prayer:
"G*D, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."
I hope to see you both often as we grow in our recovery.
Shalom!
(((the princess)))
Welcome to SR!
I hear you both. I know the hurt an addict brings to our lives. But, as Doug and sick stated, there IS hope!!!
My son is a (now recovering) heroin addict. For 10 years, life was hell. Until I learned the 3 Cs. I didn't cause it; I can't control it; and I can't cure it. There is a saying around here; "Hands OFF the addict!" We need to let go and let G*D.
But, HOW???
Please visit the naranon board and the friends and family of alcoholics (alanon) board. There are many wise people who are in your shoes and can help guide you. Read the stickies posted on the tops of the forum. (Especially the one in naranon, "what addicts do." It is a real eye opener - every time I read it!) We share our ESH, (experience, strength and hope), with each other. You will find a comraderie through this sharing with others experiencing the very things you do.
Also, I recommend the book, Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. It is the "Bible" of codependents - those of us whose lives are adversely affected by people with addictions.
If you can find a meeting, please get to one. ASAP. Get to a naranon or an alanon meeting and see others dealing with the same issues, the same "quacking" as are you. A sponsor will guide you along the 12 steps of the program. Working these steps will lead you to the life you are meant to have. To the authentic "you."
Finally, please come here to SR often, read, post, vent, share and learn how we can live our own lives dispite the chaos created by our addicts and our reactions to them. We can learn to be proactive. We can learn to live our lives. We can learn.
My prayer for you is this serenity prayer:
"G*D, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."
I hope to see you both often as we grow in our recovery.
Shalom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: oakland, ca
Posts: 4
Thank You all for your support and words of wisdom. God as blessed us to see another day of recovery. I would like to thank "sickk & tired" for what you said, it let me sleep much better last night.
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