myluckyday

It's been 74 days and I'm thinking more about having a drink. It's worse than when I was at 20 days. I'm having a liver scan tomorrow. My liver has been feeling so much better. I've been waiting for this scan to see if my liver has healed. Yesterday I was planning on drinking again if it is healed but keeping it to a minimum. How crazy is that?? Why would I go thru all this and then plan on ruining my liver again? Now I just took a nap. I had a dream that I was at a party with a ton of booze. I tried to make myself a drink several times but failed. I finally made myself a strong rum and coke and drank. I felt a little guilty about losing my sobriety and my 74 days but it felt so damn good that I didn't care. I was back again. Then my husband (who has dementia) woke me up and now I'm back to my miserable existence. I'm hanging by a thread.

BrendaChenowyth

It's the stress of having that scan done and not sleeping. I asked you before but didn't see what you said, do you have help taking care of him.. it's too much to handle alone.

least

Drinking dreams are common in early recovery. I used to have them too and would feel awful until I woke up and realized it was just a dream.

CreativeThinker

74 days is awesome myluckyday! Don't do it...you will regret it! It's your AV..DO NOT LISTEN!!! If you're feeling miserable, think about changing your plan.

Hang in...!

myluckyday

No I don't have any help. He is slowly getting worse and I will seek help when it gets intolerable. I just wish I had one day to
worry about myself since I obviously have my own issues. Before we go to my liver scan tomorrow, he has a neurologist appointment so I'm worried I'll be late for my liver scan or even miss it! That will kill me because I've been waiting so long for the results of this test! To be absolutely honest my husband was a complete ******* our whole marriage. He was very selfish and everything was about him, and now with dementia it really is all about him. Tired of being the wall flower stuck in the corner.

axeman5971

A good liver scan/test isn't a reason to drink, it's proof that not drinking is the way to go.

AnvilheadII

it sounds like it already IS intolerable. you would do well to get help NOW. so you can catch a break. so that others with more training can help him navigate thru his decline. there is NO reason to do this alone.

PippoRossi

I'm sorry for your situation, myluckyday. You have every right to be resentful, but you are probably doing yourself more harm than good. The only advice I can give is to not drink. You have done wonderfully so far. I think, with a little fortitude, you will continue to succeed. Thinking of you.

Giraffegirl2013

I'm on Day 51 and I have had a ton of dreams about drinking. I keep waking up in the morning thinking I have ruined my sobriety. I think it is just stress. Recovery is stressful and takes a lot of work.

I just focus on the relief of realizing it was a dream and take peace in the fact that I did not drink. My AV really gets to me, but the longer I stay sober, the more often I realize that it is my AV and that it will pass eventually. It can't stay there forever! Distracting myself really helps.

Dee74

why not seek some help now myluckyday ?

part of recovery is re-learning to look after ourselves & our own welfare as much as we do other peoples - if we wait until we're thoroughly depleted to get help, there's got to be a greater risk we might resort to the old default coping mechanism - and no oone wants that.

D