Notices

4 Years Ago Today, Day 0

Old 07-05-2017, 08:21 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 40
Smile 4 Years Ago Today, Day 0

4 Years ago today, I had my last drink.

From what I remember, I had woken up briefly in the morning around this time, 6 or 7am and I must have sent a note to my boss saying that I was unwell and that I had to be off for a few more days. I was shaking badly, couldn’t drink anymore and was laying in bed, just terrorized and paralyzed. Couldn’t go out anywhere. There was booze, but I couldn’t really drink much. I think I was looking up detox the night before. Wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I was laying there with the knowing that my brother and father had left me. And realizing that I was on my own. Again. Like most of my life. But this was a different kind of loneliness. There was no one in AA I could call. Not even the AA hotline. No one. I’ve been down this road so many times.

The only place I could go was detox, or the hospital. For the 45th time. I was depressed and terrified. I wanted to return to my Sober life.

I couldn’t believe that I was there, after completing 2 marathons and 7.5 months of solid continuous peaceful Sobriety, in which I had found goals, and I even signed up for a new apartment, a new bank account. A wonderful job with a global consulting company. I worked really hard for that. I practiced all the Louise Hay affirmations. They had become habit. My new Sober Life path was being paved beautifully. So how could I just abandon it all and go back to hell. No freakin way. I couldn’t. This was the realization that came from within. I couldn’t just ditch my beautiful, precious, sacred Sober Life and go back into hell, all because I didn’t get the validation I thought I needed from the people that were close to me.

I needed to get back, no matter what, right then, after a week long relapse. This was my chance for True Freedom. Permanent Sobriety. Finally, I have been abandoned for good, so I could be Free and Live my Life the way I choose, completely Clean and Sober. I had to let go.
Start setting boundaries. No matter what, I realized, I can (and will ) never compromise my Sobriety for anyone. I will never place my Sobriety in the hands of anyone, and that includes AA. Screw em all I concluded. I am staying Sober, under any and all conditions, for me. I just needed a jumpstart for that first day. I said a prayer, I believe. “God please help me get back”.

A few hours later, there was non-stop ringing on the land phone, which was connected to the front door buzzer. I finally managed to get up to disconnect the phone, but as I got to the phone, I thought, why not answer it. It didn’t matter anyways, I was either going to be dead or I was going to stay alive and I knew I wanted to stay alive so I could continue my sober dream. So answer the phone...

It was around 10am when I answered the phone and it was my brother. He came back to get me. Took me to the hospital and stayed with me for about a day and a half and left on Sunday. While he was there, I had my last seizure, and it was a live one. I lay in bed while he was in the living room and it struck. Like massive lightning. The whole body and face were vibrating rapidly and my mouth, fingers, hands were stuck and my ears were ringing really loud and I wanted to call out my brother's name and I couldn’t. I thought for sure that was it, but then deep down inside, I kept hearing, “just hang on, just hang on”, even though I couldn’t quite breathe. It lasted a good 20 or 30 seconds and that’s the first time I was conscious during a seizure. It was almost as if God was showing me the reality of what I was leaving behind. It was the final glimpse of hell, as I was taking off into the wonderful Universe of superbly blissful Sobriety, Peace and Abundance.

My brother left on Sunday, and immediately after, I knew I was Free. Finally. I called my friend Philip at the time and we went for a gorgeous walk in Coal Harbour. I couldn’t call him before that. He was not the right person for it.

In classic Vedic (Hindu) philosophy, my brothere coming to get me, saving me in a sense, was my karma. The person I hated the most was the one to put me on the road to salvation.

At least that’s how I like to frame the whole experience today, exactly four years later, completely Clean, Sober and Smoke Free. I don’t even use any prescription drugs or anxiety medication. Nothing. I am completely Clean. Everything I experience today is raw and uncensored. When I experience pain today, it is real and intense. When I experience Joy it is Brilliant. That’s what I want my Life to be today.

Pure. Clean. Sober. Simple. Peaceful. Abundant.

For the most part it has turned out that way and I am supremely Grateful for my Sobriety.

If I could make this far, I am sure you can as well.

I am posting this here, because SR was quite valuable in my first couple of years, when I couldn’t yet trust 12 step programs… These forums have been very helpful. Thank you so much !

The process I use for my recovery is journaling, running, daily gratitude lists, connecting with people in recovery, meetings and for the first few years I went to group therapy. It was a ton of work, but I wanted to do it, so I could enjoy my Sober Life.

In these 4 years of continuous Sobriety, I have managed to complete 9 marathons, 1 Ultra Marathon, heal a lot of shame, become more assertive, form a couple of companies, leave jobs with adequate notice, let go of unhealthy friendships, peacefully mourn the passing of my mother, re-establish a healthy relationship with my father and brother and, establish a few healthy, peaceful friendships, and I can go anywhere and be totally ok with not drinking.

Thank you for reading. Hope you got something out of this…

Enjoy the ride.
mkvan is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 08:25 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jules714's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Amazing post!
Congratulations.
J
Jules714 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 08:32 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 943
Completely inspiring! Congratulations Mkvan

Peace X
Deleteda is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 08:42 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
The road goes on forever
 
MidnightRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Mkvan -

Thank you for the amazing post you just wrote.
Your words are/will be an inspiration to myself and others.

Have a wonderful day !
MidnightRider is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 08:54 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
A great story, thanks so much for sharing. MKVAN - and congratulations on 4 years of sobriety. Don't be a stranger...your insight and experience would be welcomed as often as you choose!
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 09:02 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
JK130's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Betrayal, the feeling of being betrayed or actually being betrayed is a theme for lot of us. You overcame it! Congratulations! Thank you for sharing!
JK130 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 09:04 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bobbieka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Great post. Awesome story, thanks for sharing. Great job on the marathons and the Ultra!
Bobbieka is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:22 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Congratulations on 4 years mkvan

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:27 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Thank you for sharing your success story and big congrats on four years sober!
least is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:33 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Thanks for sharing your story with us and a big congrats on 4 years! That's awesome!
Wholesome is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:39 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
F*** the Zero
 
SeaOfSerenity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
wow that's for your story. congrats on 4 years!!!!!
SeaOfSerenity is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:40 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Teetotaler56's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 382
Congratulations and thank you for sharing your inspiring story!
Teetotaler56 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 02:48 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Behold the power of NO
 
Carlotta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Congratulations on 4 years!

Carlotta is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 06:49 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 21
Poppy2006 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 06:59 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
This is amazing. I love to journal, I love to run and keep up with people in recovery. Let's me know I have a good chance. So happy for you!
Linz805 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 07:12 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Purplrks3647's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,752
Very inspiring....thank you so much for sharing.....and Happy 4 year Soberversary!!!
Purplrks3647 is offline  
Old 07-05-2017, 09:07 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 40
WOW ! Thank you very much everybody ! Holy smokes I did not expect this response at all. Thank you so much, it is so wonderful to see and feel.

For sure, I will be posting and sharing more of the journey. I've been inspired by you. Thank you !
mkvan is offline  
Old 07-06-2017, 05:07 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kaneda8888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 7,968
Great share. Thank you MkVan. You have done brilliantly ! Congrats !!
Kaneda8888 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:34 AM.