myluckyday

No one in my life knows about my drinking problem. So know one knows I quit. If I drank with others socially, I was always very responsible and well behaved. In all appearances I was a "normal" drinker. I used to wait until everyone went to bed and then I would hit the bottle hard. I'd go to bed and get up bright and early for work. Only calling out 3 times in 20 years. If I felt sick or tired, I would hide that too.

Now I'm quitting in secret. No one in my life knows I'm trying to stay sober because no one knows of my problem. NOT even my Dr. I've been offered numerous drinks while at outings but I just kindly refuse. No one questions it. No one knows how much I'm struggling but all of you. It's a heavy load to bear. I'm so glad to have all of you. You are my only outlet. I have so much crap happening in my life, but I come here and get lifted up. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you!!!

myluckyday

No one in my life knows about my drinking problem. So know one knows I quit. If I drank with others socially, I was always very responsible and well behaved. In all appearances I was a "normal" drinker. I used to wait until everyone went to bed and then I would hit the bottle hard. I'd go to bed and get up bright and early for work. Only calling out 3 times in 20 years. If I felt sick or tired, I would hide that too.

Now I'm quitting in secret. No one in my life knows I'm trying to stay sober because no one knows of my problem. Not even my Dr. I've been offered numerous drinks while at outings but I just kindly refuse. No one questions it. No one knows how much I'm struggling but all of you. It's a heavy load to bear. I'm so glad to have all of you. You are my only outlet. I have so much crap happening in my life, but I come here and get lifted up. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you!!! Oh by the way, it's day 70 for me.

MidnightBlue

Congrats on Day 70!

I was a lonely drinker too. On one knew I had a problem. SR helped me a lot.

Keep up great job!

MythOfSisyphus

I can appreciate your situation, myluckyday! Maybe I was fooling myself but I don't think most people in my life generally had any idea how much I drank. Most of my family didn't see me drunk very often nor see how I lived (ie my garbage & recycling full of bottles, etc). So they rarely saw the aftermath of my drinking, be it hangovers or looking rough. My brother and I would drink together so he knew I could really put it away but he didn't think much of it; in fact when I did quit he didn't believe me when I said my drinking had become a problem.

When I did decide to quit I didn't tell anyone. The first reason was that if I publicly announced I was never going to drink again I'd look like a fool if anyone ever saw me drinking. Plus I didn't want to make a big deal about how much I was drinking.

SR is a wonderful place! Here there's no need to hide anymore.

August252015

Glad you're here! And....you don't have to do it alone- that is for sure a heavy load to bear, as you mention. Everyone who paid any attention- and those who love me, for sure- knew I needed to quit....and now I am very public about my alcoholism as I am the "face" of an industry recover group in Atlanta (I work in the restaurant industry, which has a HUGE alcoholism and addiction problem as a whole). I look at recovery as the path of the warrior and have become increasingly comfortable talking about it in any setting.

Everyone's path about this particular aspect is different and I always thinking of my first sponsor saying "no is a complete sentence." You don't owe anyone your details or an elaboration, ever - and you also might find that it is amazing what happens when you do become part of a group that knows exactly what you are going through.

Good luck. Great job on 70 days- keep coming back!

RDBplus3

myluckyday,
keep us updated. keep involved here, it really is a great resource and place to share what's going on in the secret place inside us.

rdbplus3

Rainman1

myluckyday, I thought I was hiding my drinking from everyone also, most social gatherings I only had a few. I thought I was hiding my empty beer cans where my wife wouldn't notice them, I thought she didn't notice me adding 3,4,5 beers at a time to the refrigerator,( had to refill because I drank the other 3,4,5 beers) and so on. I tried numerous time to quit by myself, for me it didn't work because I was the only one who knew I relapsed. My wife knew all along what I was doing, now she knows. You'll be surprised by the support you get from your family and real friends.

DontRemember

It's your recovery. For me though.. I needed to reach out to some close friends/family so that I felt accountable. I also never hid my drinking though. I was 'out there' for the whole world to see. One of my closest friends is also my business partner. When we have work lunches with clients and they're drinking, I'll catch him looking at me to see my reaction. I've just started laughing at him so, he's backed off a bit. I don't need a 'babysitter'. The best is if I excuse myself to go smoke and he would come out to check on me. "You ok?".. I just take a drag off my smoke and say;uhmm..yep..like I said just having a smoke. It is nice to have some support but, no need to shout it from the rooftops.

Lava256

Sounds like a heavy load to bear alone, myluckyday. Are you at least in AA? SR is truly great but it does help, at least for many people, to be accountable to someone. I totally get what you're feeling, though.

I 'think' I've been hiding it from my family (brothers and sister) and friends but perhaps they already know. I haven't and don't plan to come out to them though. I'd rather handle this on my own. Of course, my husband knows....

Endoftheday

fantastic on 70 days

halfalife

I am in the same boat with you...recovering privately, no one in my life knows. SR has been my saving grace and touchstone throughout this process. Not certain I would have found the resolve to completely do this on my own otherwise without SR.

I understand your sentiments on wanting to keep this process private. SR is certainly a special place with kind and helpful support.

Good luck to you.

bimbott

I'm another one in secret recovery. It can be lonely. I've tried to have a conversation with a couple of friends about it, but they don't seem to understand and fob it off - the likelihood is that they are alcoholics too and in denial. So, I've stopped talking about it to anyone. That's why I value this site and its members so much.

joandmelandhan

myluckyday I identify with that so much. My family know I'm an alcoholic but think I've been sober for about 5 years and I certainly haven't. The thing is that the age old triggers of HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) really are important and lonely is something that I've struggled with the most. What I mean by that is being in secret or isolated recovery is HARD. Please use this site to it's utmost. I find posting daily in the 24 hour thread and joining a class (Class of June or July 17 for you?) To be a big help. This place has become an integral part of my recovery and I hope you will find that too.
I sympathise I really do. Perhaps think about what you can comfortably do I'm terms of telling someone or looking into AA, counselling or something else with a face to face element.
Wishing you well on your journey myluckyday ❤❤❤

Dee74

I merged your threads myluckyday - congrats on day 70

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you're part of us, myluckyday. 70 sober days is fabulous.

myluckyday

Thank you all for the support. I have not gone to AA and will most likely never go. I know it works for many people, but it's not for me. I am cruising along with all of you by my side and sometimes all of you behind me holding me up. I've gone through a really tough time recently and I hope I'm just about over the hump. Sometimes my own mind is my worst enemy. So glad to have this place to go to get away from my thoughts.

PurpleKnight

Day 70 is fantastic!! Great to have you with us!!