RavenWings

I was all psyched to get to a meeting today and spent much of my evening last night and half of today researching AA and figuring out which meeting I would attend.

I have considered AA several times and balked at it before, for a number of reasons, and can honestly say that this time I approached it with a radically open mind and willingness to give it a try.

Whilst I can sense many of you rolling your eyes right now and assuming I am copping out, I can honestly say that I do not feel safe to go. It reeks of cultishness and as a single woman living in a city, I would feel extremely vulnerable going to AA. I want to focus on recovery and empowerment. I do not want to be stuck in meetings for decades pouring salt in to wounds multiple times a week with other addicts and made to feel like I have failed somehow if I left.

I totally respect anyone who has found healing and sobriety within this fellowship, sincerely. I personally however know it is not for me.

I understand there is SMART Recovery, for which I looked in my area for meetings today and found none. I am also unsure if this is the path to pursue.

I am researching Naltrexone which also seems to be booby trapped.

The closest I can figure as a treatment for helping me is GABA boosters such as Phenibut. Along of course, with some counselling to deal with the sh*t that is causing my internal pain of which I am self medicating with alcohol.

Has anyone had experience with Phenibut? Does anyone else feel the way I do and/or can recommend alternative treatments?

I have developed a basic understanding of brain biochemistry and the function neuro-transmitters as the result of successfully researching and coming off SSRI's in the past using 5-HTP. I would love to hear from anyone else with experience in this area or who is currently researching and wants to discuss this further.

Again, power to all of you who are safe and well from your involvement and commitment to yourselves and AA. I am simply seeking alternatives and being radically honest about my feelings, personal safety and considering my options.

Warm regards, RW

Dee74

Hi RavenWings

The simple fact is many people here have gotten sober with AA.
As a site we wouldn't promote it if we thought it dangerous.

That being said, you're perfectly within your rights to get sober without using AA.

Many people - myself and Anna included - have gotten sober without it.

I think whatever way you research into getting sober, you're going to find for and against evidence on the web.

My only advice is don't put off stopping drinking until you find a way you like 100% cos that day may never come.

My addicted brain was great at throwing up obstacles to and arguments against getting sober for good.

D

Jules714

So did you go to an AA meeting?
In your research did you read about AA or AA literature?
BC the basis of AA is the 12 steps and 12 traditions. Plain and simple.
I'm curious as to what context do you infer is it "dangerous"?
To this day, I ensure my 13 year old tries a bite of anything and THEN decide if it's palatable or not. Sea urchin anyone?
If you don't like peas, after you've tried them a few times, then you don't like peas.
I personally don't like peas. I've tried them lots of ways. Don't like 'em. But I tried them.
I don't think AA is dangerous. It's not for everyone and that's ok...it only works if you work it. You don't have to work it.

Bar hopping as a single woman in the City? THAT'S dangerous.

Good luck,
J

RavenWings

Here we go.. was waiting for that!

As I said, I am a single woman in the city and feel vulnerable letting my guard down in these situations. I have had concerns for my personal safety in the past in abusive relationships and have trust issues with new people.

Suggesting I am bar hopping in the city as a single woman is just trying to shame me and radically misguided. I am here at home, safe and sober with my dog. Thank YOU VERY MUCH.

DontRemember

I don't "AA"..per say but, I do go to meetings when I feel the need for it. I use it as a form of therapy. The only reason I walked into AA is that I was court ordered to attend for a certain amount of time.. I've had my legal issues settled and behind me now for a few months and still hit up a meeting after a tough day, instead of turning to the bottle. I won't say 'AA got me sober' but, it didn't hurt to have the option. Good luck in whatever path to sobriety you choose!

aasharon90

The most important thing is to find
what will work best for you and your
situation. Anything that will get out
of your addiction and use something
effective to help you remain sober
and healthy for many yrs to come.

Build you a strong solid recovery
foundation for yourself to achieve
health, happiness and many more
gifts that come with it.

Dee74

Here are some of the other meeting based groups available in Australia

https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/
LifeRing Secular Recovery

If your concerns about meetings apply to these too, then maybe online meetings (available with these and AA too) might be a way forward?

D

RavenWings

Thank you

RavenWings

Thanks Dee!

Yes, online could be an option. I will check out lifering, thanks very much for the link.

Jules714

My sincerest apologies, I'm not attempting to shame you at all. Regardless of what you do? Lots of people do that and that is dangerous. No if ands or buts about it.

From the further bits of information you have now provided, it appears that perhaps your past is dictating your sense of danger. Fight, flight, freeze or fawn (Pete Walker). I *get that. Been there, several times in every facet of abuse, by both sexes. Therapy, particularly EMDR was very beneficial for me. It made unvisitable things running constantly in my mind more, (hard to articulte how it helped)...just settled. Not gone, but diffused. Able to be chipped away at.

I'm just saying, with regard to AA, one at least needs to *try something before drawing conclusion. With that said, to deduce you don't like it, it's not for you, is one thing. To call it "dangerous" is another.

AA has helped millions since the 1940s.
The basis is...can you stay sober for 24 hours? Then do that... one day at a time. That's basically it.
It's not religious. It takes no actions. Fights no wars. It's a gathering of like minded individuals who want to get better at managing life without alcohol. I'm not going to lie to you, sometimes unsavoury characters show up...but I have never felt in danger. For me, rehab was frightening and dangerous (with people physically fighting) but if I needed to go back? I would. It helped.
GL,
J

RavenWings

See, this is just the kind of attitude that concerns me about AA. I have considered, and am within my right, to conclude from what I do already understand, that this is an unsafe environment for me. I find your communication undermining and paternalistic. Perhaps you are a 'sponsor' who knows better? This is text book cult psychology. Sea urchins? Brussel sprouts? Heroin? Crystal meth? How could you possibly know its not right for you unless you try it?

I'll take my chances thank you and keep researching my options.

DontRemember

I understand your faulting the 'cult like'nature of AA. Again..I'm not promoting AA and do not follow it's 'steps'..I just know it's there if I need it. I'm not spiritual.,,religion..nah, pass. But, I go get crap off my chest/heart/mind that could lead me to the bar/liquor store.. Again..Just do what works for you! You need to feel comfortable in your sobriety or you'll just keep going in circles. Take care.

Jules714

Please do.

For the record: (as your assumptions too are incorrect)
I am a woman.
I am not at all a Sponsor.

I've apologized to you and I'm good.
I hope that you figure out whatever does work for you. As stated, it's not for everyone & that's perfectly fine. I articulated that from the get go.

GL,
J

Dee74

Raven

Jules is a fairly new member, actually not been here as long as you have.

I understand you're mistrustful, but I think you're barking up the wrong tree here.

D

Dee74

Just a reminder for everyone

Recovery debates are not allowed in this forum.

A further reminder that mutual respect for all beliefs is required in every part of this site (rule 4)

Personal remarks, if they need to be uttered at all, should be taken to PM.

I'm a pretty patient guy but lately things have been pretty silly.

I'll have no qualms at all about pulling posts that break our rules, applying time outs or bans to people who can't be civil, or in closing this thread completely if we can't all discuss things calmly.

Dee
Moderator
SR

RavenWings

Thanks Dee. I hope that my right to refuse AA and assert myself does not exclude me from this group. Note taken.

Jules, I apologise if I offended you - I appreciate your thoughts and for responding to my post. I understand your reply was with good intention. Thank you for taking the time to write and best of luck with your recovery, whatever works for you. I support you.

Love and light to all.

BrendaChenowyth

For the record, at that point in your post, nobody was rolling their eyes and they didn't after that either. At least I wasn't, because I completely understand where you're coming from.

It depends on the meeting format. The bigger the meeting and the more casual the format, the more comfortable newcomers feel. I went to one that had maybe 50 people and it was open discussion. People would throw out three different topics and then people could speak as they felt comfortable, no going around the room in order, or feeling nervous because your turn was coming up, you could just sit and listen. Newer people mostly spoke at the beginning and old timers towards the end, and there was obviously a difference in the content of what they shared.. the newer people talked mostly about their struggle with cravings, "I wanted to drink so bad today".. the old timers spoke more about what they have learned by going through the steps and by leading younger alcoholics through the steps. I learned so much from listening to those.

When I moved and couldn't make that meeting anymore, the first ones I tried where I live now STUNK. The people were really closed off and I got nothing out of it. I took a long break where I was totally opposed to ever trying a meeting again.. finally I tried one, a Big Book discussion, and it was so different. The leader of the meeting introduced himself, made me feel welcome, encouraged me to participate, and introduced me to a nice lady he thought could help me find more meetings that were right for me.

You have to make connections, especially with old timers who know where the best meetings are and will introduce you to other people. You'll find there are some fake people, but lots of real ones, too, and they will help you.

BrendaChenowyth

It sure doesn't! AA isn't for everyone and for many it takes time to figure it out.. It's just that a lot of us dismissed it and then tried again and found it to be ONE OF the keys to at least making bigger strides in recovery.

I have found that this place doesn't satisfy my need to be around other people who understand this addiction. There is nothing like face to face conversations.

Social isolation is a big trigger, and I can't keep trying to be best friends with drinkers and think I'm never going to cave in and drink with them.

Dee74

There's no reason why you can't keep posting here RW.

Like I said at the beginning, I'm not an AA member either.

I think they are ways we can let people express their opinions and share their experience without denigrating other peoples experience.

If we can all do that here, we all might get somewhere by the end of the thread

D

Jules714

Raven,
Thank you.
Likewise. My intent was never laced with malice.
The very best to you and your recovery, (everyone's!)
Jules (shortish for Juliet)

Thanks Dee, also noted.