Vick1

Hi all,

I'm not a newbie to recovery, in fact I've been trying to get off of opiates since I started over 13 years ago, and have been addicted to weed since I was 17. But I now find myself in a bit of bother (not for the first time of course, as an addict I've been through it all bar a prison sentence) and I was hoping to get other peoples perspectives on the situation, especially from a community such as this one.

So I moved to the Czech Republic in 2013 to escape a full on relapse of my heroin addiction. For months I was using everyday, and luckily some family bailed me out and I jumped on a flight to the Czech Rep to teach English. So long story short, I (fairly) quickly relapsed but with suboxone. It's everywhere here, and I've tried and tried and tried to come off of it, failing every time. I know I need support to get off of opiates, I've known it for a while now, but it's not available here for English speakers (as in NA meetings not professional counselling, which I couldn't afford if I wanted). If I went back to the UK, I know that there are NA meetings all over the place.

But here lies the problem. Street suboxone here is expensive, and I've racked up quite a bit of debt with the social security and health insurance company. If it was a bank debt or creditor debt I wouldn't be so bothered, but it would be a criminal offence to just up and leave. Plus, my landlord would possibly be accountable, as my current address is also registered as my business address, although I'm not sure about that part.

In my heart I know I need to go home and get some support, but in my head I just can't bring myself to **** one more person over. As an addict I've ****** over countless landlords, not by a lot of money, but the guilt is stacked pretty high. I think I've also just lost my job, as obviously being on suboxone noticeably affected my work performance. I've pretty much exhausted the support from my family. and I dont mean financial support, Ive always been very independent and have amazingly only been bailed out a couple of times by my parents, but there is no where for me to hide back home while I'm in recovery. I have some money to get a place, but I would have to find a job right away to pay the bills.

Sorry if this is a little long winded, but I felt I needed to give all the info. My best friend from school, and the person I started doing heroin with, also died this year. **** it just seems like I've pushed it too far, let it go on for too long, and now there's no escape. I know there are people in much worse situations than mine, luckily for me I never got into needles which is really what killed my friend. I'm 35 and ready to find peace, but I really dont want to **** anyone else over, and the prospect of going back to the UK, finding a new place to live, AND a new job, all while going through recovery, just seems like a mountain that I'm not sure I can make it over.

Any advice will be appreciated.

And if you've made it this far, thank you.


Sean

SimplyFree

Sean, I'm glad you have a conscience and still care. As is typical when you are an active addict.....it follows you everywhere you go. There is no flight or country boundary that will separate you from your addict. Unless you are committed to working your sobriety, your addict will always rule the day. Yes you need others support too.
So if you truly want to get sober I would go to the best support, and get a sober foundation set. Whether NA or AA both include making things right with others. If you have a long list...it can take awhile, but that's ok. So go to the best support, heal and make things as right as you can with others.
Blessings and prayers.

Vick1

Simply Free, thanks for your speedy reply. It's very true that you can't escape addiction by moving yourself into another environment, though it helps temporarily, once an addict, always an addict. Unfortunately the best treatment is unavailable to me because it's so damn expensive, but from what i've heard NA meetings can really help. I went to an AA meeting here in Prague and they weren't very keen on me being there after I told them I wasn't an alcoholic. No NA meetings available here for English speakers, so I'm starting to think that there's no other choice but to cut and run. But I feel so ashamed that I have to do that at my age. .

AnvilheadII

well, you've been in the CR for four years now.....as an English Teacher it would seem you have inherent skills to adapt to a new language. and you should be able to get your hands on a copy of the NA Basic Text in English, or just access online. why here you go:

http://www.nauca.us/wp-content/uploa...ext-Book-1.pdf

you can START right where you are right now.

applewakesup

What about online meetings? Also, could you maybe explain your situation one on one to someone at the AA meeting? Or try another group?

I think from what you said, you know you have to stay to pay what you owe and make amends. It sounds like you have tried one thing and decided it cannot work. Are you sure you haven't decided that because it would be so much easier to go home? Only you know the answers to those questions - I'm just throwing them out for consideration.

tomsteve

wherever you go, there you are.
you could go to the polar ice cap and ill guarantee you would find your fix if you wanted it bad enough.
you can live in the middle of the most populated,drug riddled city and ill guarantee you can get clean there.
fear=
**** Everything And Run
or
Face Everything And Recover

get the monkey off your back and kill the little bastaad.


NA meetings czech republic

NAWS : Find a meeting

AA prague
Meetings in Prague - Alcoholics Anonymous

Vick1

Thanks for the replies guys, and for the text anvilheadII.

applewakesup: I've tried online NA chat room meetings. I believe there's a very big difference between online communication and face to face. I'm hoping that at a proper meetng I'll be able to get a sponsor, someone who I can talk with when I feel like using. Just being in a room talking to people with the same problems would be very beneficial I believe. And the easier option would be to stay here in Prague.As I said I'd have to find a place to live, a job and all while recovering. I fear that if things syarted to get a little stressful, as they undoubtedly will in that sistuation, I'd just go straight back to my comfort zone ie. back on the meds or worse..

tomsteve: you're god damn right about that. I've done 2 escape jobs, one from my home city, which did help temporarily, and i was younger and needed to get away from certain people, but i relapsed after less than a year. And then here to Prague, all the way to another country.. And still here I am, in hell. I'm attempting a detox from the sub at the moment, with codeine. I'm 7 days off the sub now so ill step off the codeine probably tomorrow. I've been through this process more times than I can count.. If I could get a hold of that monkey I'd rip it's head off. But it's getting hold of it that's the tricky part. It hasn't really let me go in 18 years.. Talking about it like this is very helpful though, which is why I think going to the meetings will help the most. There are no NA meetings for English speaking people here in CZ. Just the one AA meeting, which as I mentioned the guy wasn't very pleased when I told him I wasn't an alcoholic. To be honest it put me right off and I haven't been back.. Maybe I should be a little more persistent! This time though, if I do run, I would be going back to my home city, where this all began, so I feel that this would be facing everything. I would probably even my see old junky friends, the ones that are alive that is..

Mizzuno

Running away from your problems is not a solution. If you want to go home that is another story. The one thing I thought of was "Wherever you go, there you are!" and then I saw tomsteve post it.

NA/ AA have the same steps right? It seems like if that is the one meeting that you can attend then talk with the person and explain the dynamic. You do need some face to face support from what I am gathering.

shockozulu

AA and NA steps are very similar but not exactly the same. To be polite when in AA meetings I identify as an alcoholic because if I abuse other drugs if exposed to alcohol I would abuse the hell out of that as well. Since this is the case, my opinion is why ruffle feathers at an AA meeting by self identifiying as an addict. When I got a sponsor I told her all about my other addictions as well so we could work the steps to best of my ability. 12 Step programs can offer great face to face support no matter AA or NA.

Vick1

I might just have to try this. It was a couple of years ago when I went there, so they prob wont remember me. And I also abuse alcohol when 'it's there'. Basically in every social situation, and when Im trying to come off of opiates i drink like an alcoholic. Luckily i dont have those demons as bad as I do with the opiates, but they're there, for sure..

Dee74

Some great advice here Sean - welcome aboard

D

Vick1

Yes, for sure. Talked me into going to an AA meeting sometime next week, so thanks guys, and thank you Dee for the warm welcome. Hopefully when I'm clean and not spending every living minute thinking about taking something to make me feel better I'll be able to give something back to the community.

Peace

tomsteve

good on ya,vick!
i know a woman i met in the rooms of AA early on. listened to her a lot as what i was hearing about the thinking- welp, i thought she was reading my mind!
it was about 2 or 3 years later with a group out for coffee we were sharing past stories of insanity( i never would have thought id be able to laugh at a lot of that crap, but i can now).
so, she was talkin about a time stumblin out of a crackhouse and walkin right up to a cop car and tellin them to take her to jail. it occured to me that whenever we'd be out for coffee or whatever and sharing the insanity, she would be talking about when she was on drugs.
so i asked her what that was about. she said something to the effect:
" i very rarely ever drank. i am an addict. im addicted to more- more of whateveryagot. as whacked out as it sounds, i didnt like the effect of alcohol.when i 1st read the bb, i didnt relate. then a woman said," seems youre reading it and focusing on the alcohol. try changing anywhere it talks about the drinking and fill it in with using and drugs. then look at the thinking." when i did that everything in there was me at one time or another."

alcohol AND drugs are only the symptom of deeper problems- problems many of us alkies and addicts have in common.

DontRemember

I've met some drug addicts at my morning AA meeting. To me an addict,is an addict no matter what they're(we're) addicted to. It's the same 'insanity'. I'd try the AA meeting again, or maybe go when a different person is 'chairing' or whatever it's called.