MissBarnes33

Hiya i have just joined as someone online recommended this. I am struggling with depression and have done for years and on march the 20th after another disaster and turning pyscho on the booze i fonally decided i had to stop drinking for good..i went to AA and now 3 months sober but missing it like crazy and very dissolusioned with AA,even though in all honesty i do agree im an alcoholic and i do think the programme sounds like it heals. Howevver Ive stopped going to meetings because they are getting utterly boring and painful to listen to. I am really conflicted right now and on thin ice and feel extremely resentful towards AA. The meetings tell you that the 12 step programme helps you and that you need a sponser to do it. I have been to meetings i have asked for a sponser and got nowhere. Txt messages are ignored. If i tell AA how i feel, i get told "just keep praying and keep coming to meetings" Its like screaming at a brick wall. Everyone in meetings tells me this programme will save my life and will get me "well again and a life so so amazing beyone your wildest dreams " and yet none of the fuckers will sponser me. I know im an alcoholic and have accepted that, i am ready to do this programme but im tierd of being told to pray-im a ******* atheist! Im tierd of being told to come to meetings and when i do all i get is the same story from everyone. Ive done three months sober and have tried so hard and No one in AA will sponser me so i feel its inevtibale i will drink again soon. My experience of AA so far is it is like screaming at a brick wall Id give ANYTHING to go out n drink like normal people anyday. I wouldnt wish this illness on anyone. Do i stick with AA or try other methods? u cant do this alone so confused

dwtbd

so i feel its inevtibale i will drink again

welcome aboard Miss B. That feeling you describe doesn't make it so, it's just a feeling. It's the addiction trying to stay alive by giving you thoughts of doubting your resolve, don't doubt yourself you Can Do it.

Have you seen the Secular Connections forum here on SR? Lots of quitters aren't AAers.

Dont let the addiction fool you into thinking there is Only One way to choose and if you opt out of that one particular method you can't quit, tha tis simply not true.

wish you well and hope to see you around

MissBarnes33

thanks so much for replying, i have JUST joined this site and im terrible with using the internet and not sure whether i had posted that right or whether anyone could see what i had posted. So, to clarify, AA isnt the only way then?? My friend who is a fervent AAer seems to think only AA can keep me sober and give me a happy life. I feel horrendous but so pissed off with AA because i cannot find a sponser and i feel as if i am getting the same robotic phrases thrown back and forth at me which doesnt help much..how do i find the secular connections then?

NoahJ

If there was something else that worked, I'd do that. But, as those f***rs like to say, repeatedly, "meeting makers make it."

After 2 months, I cut back on meeting from daily to 3-4 a week. By then I had figured out which style of meetings worked for me, and which were full of wankers. If you haven't yet, and have options for meetings, check out some others maybe?

There are 2 aspects the program - the steps and the fellowship. While neither gets you well, You get You well. But the fellowship really helps, and the sponsor step aspect helps too. Working the steps can help you understand why you seek out the booze and come to terms with it. I hope you have better luck with the fellowship. And I would encourage you not to get too discouraged with the praying aspect....

I was raised hard core religious, where prayer was a very traditional "get on your knees and ask for God's forgiveness and protection" kind of thing. The thing that church didn't teach me was that even in Conservative Catholicism, there is a passive meditative kind of praying (Contemplative prayer).

I'm an Athiest/Agnostic now. I find the difference between prayer and mediation splitting hairs. I've been practicing different types of mindfulness meditations, and calling it prayer. My higher power is....the ocean. It fits the needs. I surf and I believe in evolution. The ocean is where we came from, and it certainly is all powerful - think of tsunamis, floods, and geological time scale plate tectonics. It is still undiscovered and full of mystery. It is something I can directly observe. That works for me.

I still think AA is the best option of what is out there. But sometimes it's lame. I don't have experience with anything else though. Can you make it without AA? Maybe. Some people do. I don't know what they do, but I expect that they have a combination of some time with AA, a good therapist they work with repeatedly, and plenty of sober friendships.

dwtbd

MissB
On the main forum page you see all the different forums here on SR , Secular Connections forum is about 3/4 way down , just keep scrolling.

I stink at internettig too, but I'll try and get a link up

MissBarnes33

oh dear, was hoping there was another way beyond AA-as i havent found a sponser yet despite asking EVERYONE i know, im loosing the will with AA to be honest, no body seems to want to help me there unless its on their terms-and it feels that if i dont go to meetings (even though ive been doing about 2 a week for 3 months) because i have family or exersize to do9 they just arnt interested. Hence im really at my its end right now

MissBarnes33

where/ what is the main forum page??

Mizzuno

AA is not the only way to get sober. There are many other methods. I do not attend AA and I am walking a sober road. Many people here are not members of AA and they are doing just fine. If the program is not working for you then find what works for YOU.

I am adamant that there are many different roads to the same destination. I will not allow anyone to tell me that what I am doing is wrong and that I cannot remain sober if I dont attend meetings. Sobriety is not a one size fits all approach. AA has worked for so many people but its not for everyone.

Empower yourself and take control of the thoughts you are having that you will drink. No one can make you drink and no one can make you stop drinking. This forum has been my one source of information and connection for sobriety. SMART, AVRT, SR......counseling and many other approaches works for people.

It is good you posted here. Welcome to SR. Keep posting and keep reading. Just dont drink today.

dwtbd

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hope that works, you should be able to just click on it and see that forum

MissBarnes33

Thanks so so much, i am really hoping if AA ddoesnt work out-as it really doesnt seem to be doing and though i fully agree, i do need a spirtual solution, i find it impossible to carry on going to meetings andd hearing about how great the programme is when no one will help me through it!! Thanks for reply and welcoming me

Anna

This is a compilation of ideas and programs that our members have put forth. There are many roads to recovery and you just need to find one that works for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

captainkitty

I would say that anything that is causing you unnecessary frustration in your life is not going to help you stay sober. It sounds like you gave AA a fair shot and it's just not for you. That's fine. I would like to ask about your depression and what you are doing about that. I take lots of suplements for my high anxiety which is great but still feeling very blah and unmotivated and not very hopeful so I just started taking L -Tryptophan to increase my serotonin levels...it's only been 24hours and I feel like a new person.

Verdantia

Welcome, Miss Barnes. 3 months is excellent-keep it up! AA is not for everyone and there are other programmes around. The links that Anna and dwtbd sent you are good starts. Read and explore all options. I don't go to AA now but have in the past and it just wasn't a fit for me. I am autistic and have other pyschological issues that potential sponsors didn't want to hear about, and as I have difficulty expressing my feelings I felt frustrated and frankly fiending for a drink after meetings at times. What AA did help me with was knowing that I was not alone and that other people had become sober and happy and I could, too. I did meet some lovely, caring people in the rooms. For me, thanks to Medicaid an excellent therapist comes to my home weekly and I see a psychiatrist once a month. I take medications that help and come to SR often during the course of the day. I eat healthy, meditate, ride my bike, practice my music and write songs. I now have 18 months of sobriety. This is an amazing place for help, advice and support. I wish you all the best in your sober journey.

Berrybean

Hiya. Just a little suggestion based on my own early experience in rooms that some meetings didn't have such healthy sobriety and strong fellowship as others. The people may have learnt the talk and can spout it, but they dont have the wherewithall to really follow through. In my experience though, when i tried some other meetings I found them to be a lot more solution focussed with people took their 12-step work pretty seriously. (Even they would not take on a sponsor from a general to-the-room request though. Ie someone just sharing that they want a sponsor and anyone who would be willing should come find them. They all expect a face go face, 1 to 1 request. Not sure how you've been approaching your search, but might this be an issue in your personal approach, or have you been asking each person individually?) I would suggest trying some Big Book or 12 and 12 study meetings. These seem to have people who take recovery and carrying the message very seriously in my area.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

tomsteve

so people are willing to help then? people are willing to sponsor you?

what are their terms?

Sasha4

I'm 5 years and not through AA.
I work full time and I have a child on my own so my opportunity to go to meetings is zero.

For me the slogans did work to some degree.
Like the first drink being the most dangerous not the 10th drink.

I would say the longer I went the less I missed drinking.
In the first few months I had to keep busy, especially at night.
I had to get off my sofa, smash my usual wine glass and turn the soaps off.
I did anything and everything to get me away from the drunken mess on the sofa.
I cleaned, I sorted out junk for car boots, I cooked for the freezer, I went to the shops, a walk, swimming, the cinema anything that did not lead to drink.

I wish you the best x

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum MissBarnes!!

Mizzuno

MissBarnes33,
How are you doing? Have you given any of the suggestions some thought?

SnazzyDresser

There's more than one way to skin a cat! Hang in there.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

You'll find the majority of them offer a secular approach,

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

D