New Here - Train Wreck - Please Help
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
New Here - Train Wreck - Please Help
I feel like I know a lot of you I’m a lurker for about a year You have all helped me & you don’t even know me - I cant thank you enough!
I am sorry this is long.
I have been involved in a very bad situation an experience which i know now in hindsight I was way in over my head & today i feel like I’m drowning. I dove in the deep end of a pool & I had no clue what I was doing. Sadly after about 3 years I still don’t know what I am doing.
A little about me. Male, in my late 50's, college educated, divorced no children, no family (none), I’m an executive at a mid sized company & do well financially. I am by far the single worst enabler & codependent on the planet. I easily could be the poster board picture for both. Strange part about it, when this all started I knew absolutely nothing about any of it. I don’t do drugs & only drink socially.
I live a decent life. I don’t want for anything financially. In general lonely in my personal life no GF & no family.
So what’s my problem ? Ok here goes never thought I would have to do this but I’m in deep way over my head & need help!
About 3 years ago I met a woman in her mid 30's. We developed a friendship. After talking for a month or so, I learned she had a daughter she didn’t say how old. She also led me to believe she was on her own raising her daughter. I soon found out that they had no food in the house, the gas was shut off, elec about to be shut off, sleeping on crap mattresses on the floor no bedroom furniture. They were living in a very bad neighborhood with a lot of scary people around. She had an old broken down car held together by band aides. Various unpaid bills. Basically a train wreck. The first things I did was took care of the utilities & took her food shopping I loaded her up with food. I was only ever in this house once, I had to use the bathroom when picking her up - it was horrible inside from busted water pipes very dirty & looked really bad.
Yup over time you guessed it - I fixed it all. They have everything now which a normal family has. I spent a lot of money. While doing it all - for me it wasn’t about money it was about helping someone I love who is in need.
The woman is very beautiful & she is very smart. Initially I knew she has lived a tough life it was plain to see I naively thought she just needed a break.
About 3 months in, the woman trusted me enough to meet the daughter. I met them at a restaurant. OMG such a beautiful kid ten years old. I instantly fell in love with her. Very good looking, all American looking, smart, polite, extremely athletic, does well in school. I wanted to help this young girl have a solid chance in life. She needed braces I made sure she got them. I cried real tears when I saw a picture of her bedroom. Mattress on floor no furniture clothes on floor - heart breaking. She has a beautiful bedroom now nice furniture colorful bedspread & pillows cool pictures on the wall new clothes & shoes. Its a real bedroom now. Such a beautiful precious kid. Awesome young girl.
I became very close with the woman. Love developed. Nothing sexual but a strong love for her & her daughter. She has a lot of good qualities. She has great potential. Loves to cook. Loves to celebrate birthdays & holidays. Is very interested in taking good care of the daughter.
Here’s the bad part:
There were lots of red flags pretty much from the start I was naive, dumb, blinders on from the start. Looking back, I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was totally blind & totally stupid.
About 8 months in - now they are living in a new place. Her life is very different. I took her grocery shopping we came out loaded up the car & out of the blue she started crying hysterically. It scared me. Through heavy tears she told me she was a IV heroin addict for several years. She said she has been going to a methadone clinic for the past four years. I knew nothing about methadone or addiction. It was a scary revelation. She said she wanted me to know the truth. FYI she also drinks wine all day & night. Always drinking wine easily can smell it on her breath. I asked her about it she said its her only vice now. Strange part of clinic is despite being long term patient she gets no take homes only one for Sunday when they are closed. She has denied using other drugs. I have seen no other drug use by her. But suspect its there gut feeling.
Next revelation a few days later - again heavy tears something about a boyfriend she is in love with her sole mate jail drugs I couldn’t make sense of it because she was crying heavily.
Next - My live in GF at the time decided to investigate & hit pay dirt. We lived together. She knew about what I was doing. Didn’t like it from the start. My GF uncovered that the woman had a criminal record for felony drug possessions & prostitution. She spent time in prison. She also uncovered the BF. Apparently he had been in the picture all along but was hidden from me. He has a terrible criminal record. In & out of jail since 18 years old – now mid 30’s. Horrible heroin addiction. In & out of forced rehab. Probation violations for drug use. Total train wreck. BF is the beautiful daughters biological father.
What a roller coaster. BTW over the course of 4 months, my GF totally freaked out & left me because of what she found out. She accused me of being on drugs.
Her BF was arrested last summer on felony possession (Heroine 10 bags) & paraphernalia (needles) charges. He is on a year probation now. I have seen numerous times pin point pupils, injection marks on arms, saw needles in the house, weird small balloons, bottle caps, cotton balls, etc. He seems to pass the probation UA but I don’t know how he does it. He does hold down a full time manual labor job. He has had other warrants pop up from previous drug arrests. Several times when alone with him he will nod out mid sentence. He’s never been disrespectful to me.
Her - two or three bad car accidents, arrested for DUI, constant numerous various traffic tickets, constantly running out of gas like 15 or 20 times? I’m like WTF don’t you see the bright yellow low fuel light?, courts, judges, police, prosecutors, fines, warrants, on & on. Doesn’t seem to end. She doesn’t have EZ Pass but blows through the tolls as if she does have EZ pass constantly gets $80 fine for $2 toll? She sleeps an ungodly amount of time. She’s a good liar. Took me a while to understand that. I don’t trust anything she says. She lies about the stupidest things its like come on I know the bigger picture crazy stuff why are you lying to me about stupid small stuff.
For about the past year or so I have become a complete mess with this. My head is just spinning. I started reading about Methadone, then heroine, then general addiction, then enabling, then codependency. I’ve been reading heavily trying to learn for about a year & a half. I am in deep emotionally. From reading I learned about all of this & as one crisis after another popped up I began to pull back. Would try to stop talking to her trying to get a grasp on reality & what this was doing to my life. I was still helping financially. She would always suck me back in. I was struggling deeply with whether I has helping or hurting.
Over the past three months she got weird. Always was a bit weird & there were always problems but this was different. she became distant. We didn’t see each other at all. Her contacts became erratic. She was disappearing not responding to me. I pulled back more. My head was spinning. About 8 weeks ago we stopped talking for two weeks. Then out of blue she contacted me crying (tears) about unpaid rent, utility shut off notices, daughter school trip unpaid. I forked over about $3,000 to pay for everything. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. We kept in communication for a few more days. Then I told her I wanted to spent some time thinking about all of this that it was all bothering me badly & negatively affecting my life. This wasn’t new to her I had said it before on several occasions. I get overwhelmed with it all. That was two & half weeks ago & haven’t heard from her since.
Neither one of them has ever told me they have an addiction problem or asked for help to get treatment. They both are in utter & complete denial. They have no grasp on reality. Life for them is hectic & chaotic. I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to her about it (not him). She just gets very defensive & angry. It goes no where in one ear out the other. I have yelled screamed stomped my feet I’ve sent her info on the dangers of drinking & methadone - no response - nada
Today my mind is a mess. Constantly thinking about her. I’m addicted to the addicts. Feeling guilt over the woman & beautiful daughter. Knowing the next crisis is right around the corner. My life other than work has become all about her. My thoughts even at work all about her. Is she dead, is he dead, is she or he arrested, OD?, car accidents, hospitals, police, PO’s, drugs, drinking, on & on.
I feel sick & very alone. I feel dumb & stupid. I don’t want to hear from her but am also dying to hear from her. I check the phone constantly. What a mess! What do I do now? What is the right thing to do?
I am sorry this is long.
I have been involved in a very bad situation an experience which i know now in hindsight I was way in over my head & today i feel like I’m drowning. I dove in the deep end of a pool & I had no clue what I was doing. Sadly after about 3 years I still don’t know what I am doing.
A little about me. Male, in my late 50's, college educated, divorced no children, no family (none), I’m an executive at a mid sized company & do well financially. I am by far the single worst enabler & codependent on the planet. I easily could be the poster board picture for both. Strange part about it, when this all started I knew absolutely nothing about any of it. I don’t do drugs & only drink socially.
I live a decent life. I don’t want for anything financially. In general lonely in my personal life no GF & no family.
So what’s my problem ? Ok here goes never thought I would have to do this but I’m in deep way over my head & need help!
About 3 years ago I met a woman in her mid 30's. We developed a friendship. After talking for a month or so, I learned she had a daughter she didn’t say how old. She also led me to believe she was on her own raising her daughter. I soon found out that they had no food in the house, the gas was shut off, elec about to be shut off, sleeping on crap mattresses on the floor no bedroom furniture. They were living in a very bad neighborhood with a lot of scary people around. She had an old broken down car held together by band aides. Various unpaid bills. Basically a train wreck. The first things I did was took care of the utilities & took her food shopping I loaded her up with food. I was only ever in this house once, I had to use the bathroom when picking her up - it was horrible inside from busted water pipes very dirty & looked really bad.
Yup over time you guessed it - I fixed it all. They have everything now which a normal family has. I spent a lot of money. While doing it all - for me it wasn’t about money it was about helping someone I love who is in need.
The woman is very beautiful & she is very smart. Initially I knew she has lived a tough life it was plain to see I naively thought she just needed a break.
About 3 months in, the woman trusted me enough to meet the daughter. I met them at a restaurant. OMG such a beautiful kid ten years old. I instantly fell in love with her. Very good looking, all American looking, smart, polite, extremely athletic, does well in school. I wanted to help this young girl have a solid chance in life. She needed braces I made sure she got them. I cried real tears when I saw a picture of her bedroom. Mattress on floor no furniture clothes on floor - heart breaking. She has a beautiful bedroom now nice furniture colorful bedspread & pillows cool pictures on the wall new clothes & shoes. Its a real bedroom now. Such a beautiful precious kid. Awesome young girl.
I became very close with the woman. Love developed. Nothing sexual but a strong love for her & her daughter. She has a lot of good qualities. She has great potential. Loves to cook. Loves to celebrate birthdays & holidays. Is very interested in taking good care of the daughter.
Here’s the bad part:
There were lots of red flags pretty much from the start I was naive, dumb, blinders on from the start. Looking back, I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was totally blind & totally stupid.
About 8 months in - now they are living in a new place. Her life is very different. I took her grocery shopping we came out loaded up the car & out of the blue she started crying hysterically. It scared me. Through heavy tears she told me she was a IV heroin addict for several years. She said she has been going to a methadone clinic for the past four years. I knew nothing about methadone or addiction. It was a scary revelation. She said she wanted me to know the truth. FYI she also drinks wine all day & night. Always drinking wine easily can smell it on her breath. I asked her about it she said its her only vice now. Strange part of clinic is despite being long term patient she gets no take homes only one for Sunday when they are closed. She has denied using other drugs. I have seen no other drug use by her. But suspect its there gut feeling.
Next revelation a few days later - again heavy tears something about a boyfriend she is in love with her sole mate jail drugs I couldn’t make sense of it because she was crying heavily.
Next - My live in GF at the time decided to investigate & hit pay dirt. We lived together. She knew about what I was doing. Didn’t like it from the start. My GF uncovered that the woman had a criminal record for felony drug possessions & prostitution. She spent time in prison. She also uncovered the BF. Apparently he had been in the picture all along but was hidden from me. He has a terrible criminal record. In & out of jail since 18 years old – now mid 30’s. Horrible heroin addiction. In & out of forced rehab. Probation violations for drug use. Total train wreck. BF is the beautiful daughters biological father.
What a roller coaster. BTW over the course of 4 months, my GF totally freaked out & left me because of what she found out. She accused me of being on drugs.
Her BF was arrested last summer on felony possession (Heroine 10 bags) & paraphernalia (needles) charges. He is on a year probation now. I have seen numerous times pin point pupils, injection marks on arms, saw needles in the house, weird small balloons, bottle caps, cotton balls, etc. He seems to pass the probation UA but I don’t know how he does it. He does hold down a full time manual labor job. He has had other warrants pop up from previous drug arrests. Several times when alone with him he will nod out mid sentence. He’s never been disrespectful to me.
Her - two or three bad car accidents, arrested for DUI, constant numerous various traffic tickets, constantly running out of gas like 15 or 20 times? I’m like WTF don’t you see the bright yellow low fuel light?, courts, judges, police, prosecutors, fines, warrants, on & on. Doesn’t seem to end. She doesn’t have EZ Pass but blows through the tolls as if she does have EZ pass constantly gets $80 fine for $2 toll? She sleeps an ungodly amount of time. She’s a good liar. Took me a while to understand that. I don’t trust anything she says. She lies about the stupidest things its like come on I know the bigger picture crazy stuff why are you lying to me about stupid small stuff.
For about the past year or so I have become a complete mess with this. My head is just spinning. I started reading about Methadone, then heroine, then general addiction, then enabling, then codependency. I’ve been reading heavily trying to learn for about a year & a half. I am in deep emotionally. From reading I learned about all of this & as one crisis after another popped up I began to pull back. Would try to stop talking to her trying to get a grasp on reality & what this was doing to my life. I was still helping financially. She would always suck me back in. I was struggling deeply with whether I has helping or hurting.
Over the past three months she got weird. Always was a bit weird & there were always problems but this was different. she became distant. We didn’t see each other at all. Her contacts became erratic. She was disappearing not responding to me. I pulled back more. My head was spinning. About 8 weeks ago we stopped talking for two weeks. Then out of blue she contacted me crying (tears) about unpaid rent, utility shut off notices, daughter school trip unpaid. I forked over about $3,000 to pay for everything. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. We kept in communication for a few more days. Then I told her I wanted to spent some time thinking about all of this that it was all bothering me badly & negatively affecting my life. This wasn’t new to her I had said it before on several occasions. I get overwhelmed with it all. That was two & half weeks ago & haven’t heard from her since.
Neither one of them has ever told me they have an addiction problem or asked for help to get treatment. They both are in utter & complete denial. They have no grasp on reality. Life for them is hectic & chaotic. I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to her about it (not him). She just gets very defensive & angry. It goes no where in one ear out the other. I have yelled screamed stomped my feet I’ve sent her info on the dangers of drinking & methadone - no response - nada
Today my mind is a mess. Constantly thinking about her. I’m addicted to the addicts. Feeling guilt over the woman & beautiful daughter. Knowing the next crisis is right around the corner. My life other than work has become all about her. My thoughts even at work all about her. Is she dead, is he dead, is she or he arrested, OD?, car accidents, hospitals, police, PO’s, drugs, drinking, on & on.
I feel sick & very alone. I feel dumb & stupid. I don’t want to hear from her but am also dying to hear from her. I check the phone constantly. What a mess! What do I do now? What is the right thing to do?
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You've been latched onto by two very talented grifters/addicts. The question is whether you want to keep being conned.
I feel for the daughter, especially as she is being used as bait by her mother. That's pretty inexcusable.
If I read this correctly, your involvement with them has already cost you one real relationship, yes?
You are addicted to their drama, to being a hero, and to their physical attractiveness. If you want to get on with your life, Alanon (or Naranon...she's an addict as well as an alcoholic, I would bet my house on it) would be a good start as well as a therapist who can help you step away from this nightmare.
I hope you can free yourself and get on with your life. You sound like a nice, compassionate guy who just stepped into a hornet's nest. But you don't have to stay there, yes?
I feel for the daughter, especially as she is being used as bait by her mother. That's pretty inexcusable.
If I read this correctly, your involvement with them has already cost you one real relationship, yes?
You are addicted to their drama, to being a hero, and to their physical attractiveness. If you want to get on with your life, Alanon (or Naranon...she's an addict as well as an alcoholic, I would bet my house on it) would be a good start as well as a therapist who can help you step away from this nightmare.
I hope you can free yourself and get on with your life. You sound like a nice, compassionate guy who just stepped into a hornet's nest. But you don't have to stay there, yes?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Hi Ariesagain thank you for responding
Yes I am concerned I have been used The woman has shared everything about her life with me including a lot of damaging documentation If she was just using me she isn't very clever & may be down right stupid She has also done some very nice things for me We have spent countless hours talking Has she used me yes its possible
I am also concerned about the daughter
Yes my live in GF bailed on me over this & now I am alone
I always wondered if the woman is still an active addict or in recovery. Her BF is no question active IV heroine user.
I am having great difficulty getting my thoughts straight I never told her not to contact me but I did say I have a lot to think about,
Yes I am concerned I have been used The woman has shared everything about her life with me including a lot of damaging documentation If she was just using me she isn't very clever & may be down right stupid She has also done some very nice things for me We have spent countless hours talking Has she used me yes its possible
I am also concerned about the daughter
Yes my live in GF bailed on me over this & now I am alone
I always wondered if the woman is still an active addict or in recovery. Her BF is no question active IV heroine user.
I am having great difficulty getting my thoughts straight I never told her not to contact me but I did say I have a lot to think about,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hi. I'm new here also - I just posted tonight.
I began seeing someone who turned out to be a heroin addict. He was good at hiding it at the beginning and I can't believe that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I was. He's taken everything from me. All my inheritance from my mum and dad, my mums jewellery that I inherited, my beloved car, even my new curved TV - all gone. I had no debt but now have £25,000 worth.
It didn't matter what he did, I forgave and went back time after time. I made sure he had food, cigarettes. I bought his daughters birthday presents and all their xmas presents. I bought him clothes, shoes. I did everything for him.
4 weeks ago I texted and asked how he was. He said he was meant to be getting the girls for tea - a huge thing as he never gets them on his own. A lie? Probably as he said he was in a bad way and couldn't let them see him like that. Then a message came asking for money. I completely ignored him then as I was getting calls every few days for money which I was stupidly transferring but I'd had enough. He sent a couple of texts asking why I wasn't talking and I should just have been honest. The next day I felt bad and texted him but he ignored me. I texted him 3 days later and he ignored me. I texted him 2 days later and he ignored me. I then texted two days after saying I couldn't believe he could treat me this way. He ignored me. Exactly two weeks later I had a phone call and it was a number I didn't recognise. He was always calling me from different phones if he had no credit and I didn't answer. Being honest, I'm ashamed to say I was scared to answer in case it wasn't him because I knew how, despite his really bad treatment of me for two years, disappointed I'd be. I finally called the number 10 days later, withholding my number and it was him who answered. I just hung up. 4 days later I texted asking why he'd phoned. He told me he was sorry he called, he was just plodding on and it was a mistake.
My head is all over the place too. He's all I think about, I've no motivation to do anything other than lie on my bed all day, thinking and thinking.
Reading people's experiences on here is helping and I think you, like me, have to start letting go. I can't comprehend people being able to treat others as they do but they're not like you and me. It is so difficult, so hard and sometimes the enormity of what I've done, what I've lost is over-whelming and there have been times I just want the pain to go that I think about ending it. When I get release from sleep, which isn't often, or not for long, I wake up and I remember and I think I just don't have the strength for another day of this but somehow I get through the day. I just keep trying to get through day by day. I'm waiting for it to get easier. You have to believe and hope that it will.
If we don't start to let go, then our lives are ruined and they've done enough damage, caused enough hurt that we have to say enough is enough. I tend to hide away rather than see friends which isn't good. The times I have ventured out the house, I've felt better for it but then I revert back to normal.
One day at a time for us I think but please look after yourself, seek solace in friends and keep reading here. Stay strong.
I began seeing someone who turned out to be a heroin addict. He was good at hiding it at the beginning and I can't believe that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I was. He's taken everything from me. All my inheritance from my mum and dad, my mums jewellery that I inherited, my beloved car, even my new curved TV - all gone. I had no debt but now have £25,000 worth.
It didn't matter what he did, I forgave and went back time after time. I made sure he had food, cigarettes. I bought his daughters birthday presents and all their xmas presents. I bought him clothes, shoes. I did everything for him.
4 weeks ago I texted and asked how he was. He said he was meant to be getting the girls for tea - a huge thing as he never gets them on his own. A lie? Probably as he said he was in a bad way and couldn't let them see him like that. Then a message came asking for money. I completely ignored him then as I was getting calls every few days for money which I was stupidly transferring but I'd had enough. He sent a couple of texts asking why I wasn't talking and I should just have been honest. The next day I felt bad and texted him but he ignored me. I texted him 3 days later and he ignored me. I texted him 2 days later and he ignored me. I then texted two days after saying I couldn't believe he could treat me this way. He ignored me. Exactly two weeks later I had a phone call and it was a number I didn't recognise. He was always calling me from different phones if he had no credit and I didn't answer. Being honest, I'm ashamed to say I was scared to answer in case it wasn't him because I knew how, despite his really bad treatment of me for two years, disappointed I'd be. I finally called the number 10 days later, withholding my number and it was him who answered. I just hung up. 4 days later I texted asking why he'd phoned. He told me he was sorry he called, he was just plodding on and it was a mistake.
My head is all over the place too. He's all I think about, I've no motivation to do anything other than lie on my bed all day, thinking and thinking.
Reading people's experiences on here is helping and I think you, like me, have to start letting go. I can't comprehend people being able to treat others as they do but they're not like you and me. It is so difficult, so hard and sometimes the enormity of what I've done, what I've lost is over-whelming and there have been times I just want the pain to go that I think about ending it. When I get release from sleep, which isn't often, or not for long, I wake up and I remember and I think I just don't have the strength for another day of this but somehow I get through the day. I just keep trying to get through day by day. I'm waiting for it to get easier. You have to believe and hope that it will.
If we don't start to let go, then our lives are ruined and they've done enough damage, caused enough hurt that we have to say enough is enough. I tend to hide away rather than see friends which isn't good. The times I have ventured out the house, I've felt better for it but then I revert back to normal.
One day at a time for us I think but please look after yourself, seek solace in friends and keep reading here. Stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Just to be clear I know I have been lied to & screwed with on many occasions
There are also a lot of facts I am leaving out concerning criminal activity which they both know I am well aware of. Like I said if they are outright using me they are very dumb about it.
This criminal activity does make this all the more worse concerning my involvement with them
I need to hear the truth from anyone who cares to comment
There are also a lot of facts I am leaving out concerning criminal activity which they both know I am well aware of. Like I said if they are outright using me they are very dumb about it.
This criminal activity does make this all the more worse concerning my involvement with them
I need to hear the truth from anyone who cares to comment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Cody11 
Hi. I'm new here also - I just posted tonight.
I began seeing someone who turned out to be a heroin addict. He was good at hiding it at the beginning and I can't believe that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I was. He's taken everything from me. All my inheritance from my mum and dad, my mums jewellery that I inherited, my beloved car, even my new curved TV - all gone. I had no debt but now have £25,000 worth.
It didn't matter what he did, I forgave and went back time after time. I made sure he had food, cigarettes. I bought his daughters birthday presents and all their xmas presents. I bought him clothes, shoes. I did everything for him.
4 weeks ago I texted and asked how he was. He said he was meant to be getting the girls for tea - a huge thing as he never gets them on his own. A lie? Probably as he said he was in a bad way and couldn't let them see him like that. Then a message came asking for money. I completely ignored him then as I was getting calls every few days for money which I was stupidly transferring but I'd had enough. He sent a couple of texts asking why I wasn't talking and I should just have been honest. The next day I felt bad and texted him but he ignored me. I texted him 3 days later and he ignored me. I texted him 2 days later and he ignored me. I then texted two days after saying I couldn't believe he could treat me this way. He ignored me. Exactly two weeks later I had a phone call and it was a number I didn't recognise. He was always calling me from different phones if he had no credit and I didn't answer. Being honest, I'm ashamed to say I was scared to answer in case it wasn't him because I knew how, despite his really bad treatment of me for two years, disappointed I'd be. I finally called the number 10 days later, withholding my number and it was him who answered. I just hung up. 4 days later I texted asking why he'd phoned. He told me he was sorry he called, he was just plodding on and it was a mistake.
My head is all over the place too. He's all I think about, I've no motivation to do anything other than lie on my bed all day, thinking and thinking.
Reading people's experiences on here is helping and I think you, like me, have to start letting go. I can't comprehend people being able to treat others as they do but they're not like you and me. It is so difficult, so hard and sometimes the enormity of what I've done, what I've lost is over-whelming and there have been times I just want the pain to go that I think about ending it. When I get release from sleep, which isn't often, or not for long, I wake up and I remember and I think I just don't have the strength for another day of this but somehow I get through the day. I just keep trying to get through day by day. I'm waiting for it to get easier. You have to believe and hope that it will.
If we don't start to let go, then our lives are ruined and they've done enough damage, caused enough hurt that we have to say enough is enough. I tend to hide away rather than see friends which isn't good. The times I have ventured out the house, I've felt better for it but then I revert back to normal.
One day at a time for us I think but please look after yourself, seek solace in friends and keep reading here. Stay strong.
I began seeing someone who turned out to be a heroin addict. He was good at hiding it at the beginning and I can't believe that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I was. He's taken everything from me. All my inheritance from my mum and dad, my mums jewellery that I inherited, my beloved car, even my new curved TV - all gone. I had no debt but now have £25,000 worth.
It didn't matter what he did, I forgave and went back time after time. I made sure he had food, cigarettes. I bought his daughters birthday presents and all their xmas presents. I bought him clothes, shoes. I did everything for him.
4 weeks ago I texted and asked how he was. He said he was meant to be getting the girls for tea - a huge thing as he never gets them on his own. A lie? Probably as he said he was in a bad way and couldn't let them see him like that. Then a message came asking for money. I completely ignored him then as I was getting calls every few days for money which I was stupidly transferring but I'd had enough. He sent a couple of texts asking why I wasn't talking and I should just have been honest. The next day I felt bad and texted him but he ignored me. I texted him 3 days later and he ignored me. I texted him 2 days later and he ignored me. I then texted two days after saying I couldn't believe he could treat me this way. He ignored me. Exactly two weeks later I had a phone call and it was a number I didn't recognise. He was always calling me from different phones if he had no credit and I didn't answer. Being honest, I'm ashamed to say I was scared to answer in case it wasn't him because I knew how, despite his really bad treatment of me for two years, disappointed I'd be. I finally called the number 10 days later, withholding my number and it was him who answered. I just hung up. 4 days later I texted asking why he'd phoned. He told me he was sorry he called, he was just plodding on and it was a mistake.
My head is all over the place too. He's all I think about, I've no motivation to do anything other than lie on my bed all day, thinking and thinking.
Reading people's experiences on here is helping and I think you, like me, have to start letting go. I can't comprehend people being able to treat others as they do but they're not like you and me. It is so difficult, so hard and sometimes the enormity of what I've done, what I've lost is over-whelming and there have been times I just want the pain to go that I think about ending it. When I get release from sleep, which isn't often, or not for long, I wake up and I remember and I think I just don't have the strength for another day of this but somehow I get through the day. I just keep trying to get through day by day. I'm waiting for it to get easier. You have to believe and hope that it will.
If we don't start to let go, then our lives are ruined and they've done enough damage, caused enough hurt that we have to say enough is enough. I tend to hide away rather than see friends which isn't good. The times I have ventured out the house, I've felt better for it but then I revert back to normal.
One day at a time for us I think but please look after yourself, seek solace in friends and keep reading here. Stay strong.
thank you for sharing your experience I am truly sorry for what has happened to you
Ive been reading the experiences of others on this forum like searching for answers which I could never get from the woman I was helping.
It does help me reading your experience. Seeing that its not just me I'm not crazy
When I would try to speak with the woman I was involved with If I tried to talk to her about problems she would skillfully turn everything back on me & make me feel crazy She would tell me to my face your crazy! I would end up apologizing.
I am very sorry for what you are going through I wish you the best
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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As gently as I can...how smart did they have to be? You've voluntarily stepped in and fixed everything time and time again knowing that they're up to illegal activity, knowing that you're getting nothing in return except lies and more requests for help, and knowing in your gut that they're active addicts and felons.
May I ask...what would you WANT to end up with here? A relationship with a beautiful non-addicted woman and her daughter with no addict boyfriend in sight? If so, the odds against just the first (recovered drug/alcoholic) are enormous.
If she and her daughter were unattractive...would you be in this deep?
May I ask...what would you WANT to end up with here? A relationship with a beautiful non-addicted woman and her daughter with no addict boyfriend in sight? If so, the odds against just the first (recovered drug/alcoholic) are enormous.
If she and her daughter were unattractive...would you be in this deep?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
Hardlessons - In my opinion this woman is taking you for a ride. If she wanted to get out of this situation I'm sure she would have asked you for help with rehab or something similar but it doesn't sound as if she is interested. She's latching onto you because you are far too generous for your own good.
I think you need to step back completely and concentrate on yourself because this is obviously causing you stress and you are going to make yourself ill.
Please look after yourself and make yourself a priority XXX
I think you need to step back completely and concentrate on yourself because this is obviously causing you stress and you are going to make yourself ill.
Please look after yourself and make yourself a priority XXX
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
As gently as I can...how smart did they have to be? You've voluntarily stepped in and fixed everything time and time again knowing that they're up to illegal activity, knowing that you're getting nothing in return except lies and more requests for help, and knowing in your gut that they're active addicts and felons.
May I ask...what would you WANT to end up with here? A relationship with a beautiful non-addicted woman and her daughter with no addict boyfriend in sight? If so, the odds against just the first (recovered drug/alcoholic) are enormous.
If she and her daughter were unattractive...would you be in this deep?
May I ask...what would you WANT to end up with here? A relationship with a beautiful non-addicted woman and her daughter with no addict boyfriend in sight? If so, the odds against just the first (recovered drug/alcoholic) are enormous.
If she and her daughter were unattractive...would you be in this deep?
I have no clue what I want to end up with here at this point I do not know what I am doing Its like I am under a spell I have been totally unable to think clearly or snap out of it
Unattractive - ok fair question I have never done this type of help before with anyone I don't know the answer but certainly the beauty fact did affect me just being honest
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Susiegirl
Hardlessons - In my opinion this woman is taking you for a ride. If she wanted to get out of this situation I'm sure she would have asked you for help with rehab or something similar but it doesn't sound as if she is interested. She's latching onto you because you are far too generous for your own good.
I think you need to step back completely and concentrate on yourself because this is obviously causing you stress and you are going to make yourself ill.
Please look after yourself and make yourself a priority XXX
I think you need to step back completely and concentrate on yourself because this is obviously causing you stress and you are going to make yourself ill.
Please look after yourself and make yourself a priority XXX
She absolutely will not admit she has a problem I have tried to talk to her about her life & crisis after crisis countless times she is in complete denial
Yes this is making me ill I'm all F ed up from it my life is upside down from it
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by HardLessons
Hi Susiegirl
She absolutely will not admit she has a problem I have tried to talk to her about her life & crisis after crisis countless times she is in complete denial
Yes this is making me ill I'm all F ed up from it my life is upside down from it
She absolutely will not admit she has a problem I have tried to talk to her about her life & crisis after crisis countless times she is in complete denial
Yes this is making me ill I'm all F ed up from it my life is upside down from it
Sorry for being so blunt but I think you know deep down that I'm right.
I really do hope that you will begin to see things more clearly XXX
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you asked for honesty - dude, you got played.
going back to the beginning.....you HAD a live in gf and yet somehow met this "new" younger woman and became involved. the only thing she didn't do was hold up a sign that said TRAIN WRECK, DANGER. but you dove in.
i think that is where you start trying to unravel this. WHY? what need did she fill in you?
you said you were only in the "old crappy" house once.....how do you know that was even her house? did you pay the actual bills - see an address - or did you just give HER money?
same with the child. did you spend any time with the daughter, outside of the one meeting at a restaurant? do you know for sure she even really HAS a daughter? didn't just borrow the kid?
she and her bf did a masterful job of conning you. since you willingly forked over cash, you have nothing substantial to report to the cops. they are both active addicts who will do ANYTHING to get more money for dope.
you have ONE sane choice here. you know what it is. take your lumps and sever all ties.
going back to the beginning.....you HAD a live in gf and yet somehow met this "new" younger woman and became involved. the only thing she didn't do was hold up a sign that said TRAIN WRECK, DANGER. but you dove in.
i think that is where you start trying to unravel this. WHY? what need did she fill in you?
you said you were only in the "old crappy" house once.....how do you know that was even her house? did you pay the actual bills - see an address - or did you just give HER money?
same with the child. did you spend any time with the daughter, outside of the one meeting at a restaurant? do you know for sure she even really HAS a daughter? didn't just borrow the kid?
she and her bf did a masterful job of conning you. since you willingly forked over cash, you have nothing substantial to report to the cops. they are both active addicts who will do ANYTHING to get more money for dope.
you have ONE sane choice here. you know what it is. take your lumps and sever all ties.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Susiegirl
You have answered your own question there - she is in denial -you cannot do any more. Step back and let her live her life the way she wants to. You will not change her mind. You stay in her life and you are going to let yourself get used and abused. That is going to make you feel worse than you already do.
Sorry for being so blunt but I think you know deep down that I'm right.
I really do hope that you will begin to see things more clearly XXX
Sorry for being so blunt but I think you know deep down that I'm right.
I really do hope that you will begin to see things more clearly XXX
The quality time has just been overshadowed by all this addiction & crisis I'm just waiting for my phone to blow up from her Its coming I can feel it She has never let me alone for two weeks straight ever
Please be blunt I am totally out of control with this situation I have cried more tears over this with her & on my own
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by HardLessons
There are also a lot of facts I am leaving out concerning criminal activity which they both know I am well aware of. Like I said if they are outright using me they are very dumb about it.
I need to hear the truth from anyone who cares to comment
THEY arent dumb about using you. theyre able to do it. theyd be dumb if they kept trying to use someone that wouldnt allow themselves be used.
HL, YOU are allowing it to happen. thats doesnt mean YOU are dumb either. just means youre as sick as them.
the great news is there IS a solution.
but it doesnt involve them or anyone else. it reads like your so wrapped up in enabling and codependency you cant even see how insane you are.
you chose addicts over your GF. youre life is upside down because of it.
codependency and enabling are treatable!
theres already been some good solutions to begin the solution and it reads like youre responsive of whats being typed to ya.
now for the action.
"NO!" is a complete sentence.
ya might want to take some time and check out the stickies at the top of the forum,too.
theres a lot of great experience and advise here. keep comin back and get into tbe solution.
one more thing:
youre not a bad man, just a sick man.
and
there is a solution!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
I am not the only one advising you to step back. If she asks for help with getting off the drugs and you're willing then that is your decision however until she does that you need to cease all contact. While she is with her current boyfriend I don't hold out much hope of her asking for help X
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by HardLessons
My experiences with her haven't all been bad I could also write a book about all the good things which we have shared We have spent a lot of quality time together
The quality time has just been overshadowed by all this addiction & crisis I'm just waiting for my phone to blow up from her Its coming I can feel it She has never let me alone for two weeks straight ever
Please be blunt I am totally out of control with this situation I have cried more tears over this with her & on my own
The quality time has just been overshadowed by all this addiction & crisis I'm just waiting for my phone to blow up from her Its coming I can feel it She has never let me alone for two weeks straight ever
Please be blunt I am totally out of control with this situation I have cried more tears over this with her & on my own
block her number NOW.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by tomsteve
reads like you fell in love with an addict.
block her number NOW.
block her number NOW.
As Tomsteve said - Block her number please and get on with your own life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
you asked for honesty - dude, you got played.
going back to the beginning.....you HAD a live in gf and yet somehow met this "new" younger woman and became involved. the only thing she didn't do was hold up a sign that said TRAIN WRECK, DANGER. but you dove in.
i think that is where you start trying to unravel this. WHY? what need did she fill in you?
you said you were only in the "old crappy" house once.....how do you know that was even her house? did you pay the actual bills - see an address - or did you just give HER money?
same with the child. did you spend any time with the daughter, outside of the one meeting at a restaurant? do you know for sure she even really HAS a daughter? didn't just borrow the kid?
she and her bf did a masterful job of conning you. since you willingly forked over cash, you have nothing substantial to report to the cops. they are both active addicts who will do ANYTHING to get more money for dope.
you have ONE sane choice here. you know what it is. take your lumps and sever all ties.
going back to the beginning.....you HAD a live in gf and yet somehow met this "new" younger woman and became involved. the only thing she didn't do was hold up a sign that said TRAIN WRECK, DANGER. but you dove in.
i think that is where you start trying to unravel this. WHY? what need did she fill in you?
you said you were only in the "old crappy" house once.....how do you know that was even her house? did you pay the actual bills - see an address - or did you just give HER money?
same with the child. did you spend any time with the daughter, outside of the one meeting at a restaurant? do you know for sure she even really HAS a daughter? didn't just borrow the kid?
she and her bf did a masterful job of conning you. since you willingly forked over cash, you have nothing substantial to report to the cops. they are both active addicts who will do ANYTHING to get more money for dope.
you have ONE sane choice here. you know what it is. take your lumps and sever all ties.
My live in GF was much younger than I & very beautiful yes she saw this as being totally F ed up & left me My GF said I was being used she said I am dumber than dumb said I was a loser for being involved
I don't know what need she was fulfilling in me I don't understand it or what I am doing
Yes the old crappy house was hers I saw the lease to get her out I paid bills directly after seeing the bills which were in her name however yes I also handed over cash
Yes I willingly did what I did I'm not looking to go to the cops
Yes I spent a lot of time with the daughter & her friends I took them places talked to her I paid for things at her school there is no doubt she is their daughter
Yes they are both active addicts which took me time to learn I didn't know it at first
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Have to go to be bed now HL as I'm in the UK and its 1115pm. I really hope you do get your act together and wish you all the best. Be Strong and get your life back on track XX Keep in touch - I am on here daily at the moment
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