captainkitty

I'm glad I joined this forum and wish every one well on their journey. But this is just not for me. Yes I have abused my self for 5 years by self medicating with beer..now it's over...many many years ago my best friend taught me how to be bulimic and I was for 10 years..then I got over it...
Before I started drinking I knew a few recovered alcoholics but that's how they defined them selves years later even though it was no longer an issue in their lives...AA quotes etc..
I'm not judging others if you need to stay focused on your past drinking issues but I would just prefer to move on.

AnvilheadII

happy trails.

Beedebea

Good luck CK. I told myself that I could just stop too... too many times to count. I was also bulimic for years and stopped, only to replace it with another coping mechanism, drinking.

Perhaps you are in control and can just stop. If not, and if SR and forums like it aren't for you, perhaps you could try personal therapy if you find yourself drinking again. Just don't do what I did and lie about your drinking though (to a therapist or yourself). I wish you all the best.

Fly N Buy

My journey was and certainly still can be painful and uncertain. The truths uncovered / revealed in these last few years of being sober are a stark realization of just who I am. I never had this opportunity before quitting drinking.
I lived my life in black/white, good/bad, yes/no terms. Contempt prior to investigation, to quote a phrase. As time passes I am grateful for the understanding that the world is made up a grey areas - of interminable outcomes at times. What I perceive as bad becomes good sometimes. How does that happen???

Time yields emotional sobriety for me, today. I no longer deal in absolutes but accept things - not all, but many - as they are.

You will be missed here, certainly. My thoughts are with you today for now as you seek your truths.

Peace

tomsteve

we dont stay focused on our past drinking issues.
many of us have looked at our past drinking issues to learn what makes us tick. we looked at it to learn what needed to be changed to be free from anger,resentment, fear,self centeredness, self pity, self justification,self importance,self hatred, self justification.......and much more depending on the person( those were all just what i learned about me)

hats off to ya and hope you have a blessed journey.

CreativeThinker

I don't stay focused on my past, although I think we must take some time to look back and see what caused us to wind up where we are. For me it's been a long process in which a professional therapist, SR and prayer has helped me in getting to know myself. It's amazing how our minds and attitudes change once we begin working on a solid recovery plan.

Good luck to you in your journey!

Delizadee

I hope you find out there whatever it was you came here looking for.
All the best going forward.

sugarbear1

Best wishes to you! I'm certain you are not the first to do this.

One thing I count on is that I know for over 180 years, one alcoholic talking with another alcoholic has been the Most Effective solution to staying stopped.

August252015

Curious as to why you felt the need to post your reasons (justifications?) for leaving SR, but wish you the best and a good sober life. Do agree with the others that for me, recovery is not about focusing on the past, trading war stories or lamenting (or lambasting) past behavior....it is about hope and a future, and some pretty amazing promises coming true thanks to my AA program.

Best to you. SR, AA and all the other programs will be out there if you ever do decide you need them.

myluckyday

I know what you're saying. I still find it therapeutic to come here and bare my soul. We all need to do what works best for us. Best of luck to you on your life's journey!!!

captainkitty

I feel like the things I need and want to discuss are better suited to one on one therapy and too sensitive for an open forum. It's too overwhelming. Some one said they hope I find what I came here looking for. I hope so too. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and although there are great success stories on here there's a lot of failed attempts and how painful of a journey it is. That does not make me feel hopeful it just adds to my anxiety which is what lead me to self medicate in the first place. I now finally have treatment for my anxiety which will work but may take months to get my cortisol hormone and brain serotonin normal. I would like to look at this the way I do my bulumia. I just quit one day. I don't remember why or how and it's just never been an issue...why would quitting drinking be any harder? I mean with bulimia it's not like you can just avoid food. I want to thank the person who reminded me that I am codependency issues and I will work on that. I don't feel like I will miss alcohol, it wasn't something I did for fun, in fact I was always the first one to leave a party when people started getting drunk, never was the happy hour type. Last night I reached out to a few of what you call "noemies" why do you have to label people? Any way I think having "normies" in my life is what will help me back on track. I certainly wouldn't ever want to be around heavy drinkers, not because I'm afraid I will drink but it's just annoying to be the sober one with a bunch of drunks.
Any way that's my plan...thank you

tomsteve

"why do you have to label people? "

hhmmmm......
I certainly wouldn't ever want to be aroundheavy drinkers
and then you go on to call people " a bunch of drunks."
pot callin the kettle black type thing there,eh? and if ya go back through just your posts here, ya seem to do pretty good with labeling, eh?

its pretty common in early sobriety to be negative( how long have you been sober?) and focus on all the bad, like lookin at the site and " a lot of failed attempts and how painful of a journey it is."
theres more success and happy,joyous, peaceful, serene journeys here than you are seeing. yesterday alone i got a smile on my face reading progress or good things happening for people on the journey about 20 times.
theres something like 166,000 registered users here. prolly more positive than your seeing.
but it IS a site where people come for help to stop drinking. there will be some gloom,dispair, and agony.
but theres always hope- hope for people that WANT help. hope for people that WANT to stop drinking, using drugs, being codependant, an enabler,...
maybe a new pair or glasses would help?

if you can just stop drinking and not have to look at the underlying issues,awesome!!
however, i hope it doesnt lead to a new addiction. it reads like ya quit bulimia and picked up a drink.

joandmelandhan

Captainkitty I've read through this and your previous thread with great interest and mixed feelings. I sincerely wish you well in your endeavour battling your anxiety and any other issues you may be having. We all deserve some peace within by whatever means feels comfortable to us.
You have mentioned a few times being very self aware in terms of your empathy and codependancy. I for one am re-learning who I am as my alcoholism has stunted all emotional growth. At the ripe old age of 45 I'm starting again. Some days I feel like an empathetic codependant and others I feel utterly self absorbed. I'm on a journey and I will take on board all advice I'm given with gratitude. Being a member of the SR community has been and continues to be a massive source of comfort for me. I simply wouldnt be where I am without it. I understand that comments made have hit very raw nerves for you and you feel like perhaps this isn't the right place for you yet here you still are.....
Yes there are people around who are great believers in tough love and saying it like it is. Yes there are folk who's communication skills can be a little harsh. Thing is we are alcoholics coming together to help one another. We aren't wordsmiths or professional counsellors. I for one am grateful to anyone who takes time out of their life to respond to me. I want to achieve a life of peaceful recovery more than anything. For me SR doest exactly what it says on the tin and then some.....a community full of volunteers helping one another and a safe place to come for those in despair......
I have a hell of a lot of respect for everyone here and forgive me if I'm talking out of turn but feel like your hurt feelings have resulted in throwing out a few low blows of your own.....
Anyway like I said good luck and hope you find what you are looking for xxx

captainkitty

I sincerely apologize to any one who's feelings I have hurt. It is absolutely the LAST thing I would ever want to do.
If people stop asking me questions or confronting me I won't have a reason to respond and move on with my life...not as an addict, alcoholic, cody, or normie but as a human being with challanges to overcome.

Fair winds and following seas.

Mizzuno

CaptainKitty,
It may be worthwhile to stop responding and not log in to see peoples responses and questions. You dont have to answer any questions. You do not owe anyone an explanation as to what you are doing. So, if you are moving on then move on and we will be here if you choose to come back.

We dont want you to leave though. IMO, the provoking questions are just to give varying opinions and to maybe help a person see things from a different perspective.

I wish you the best of luck.

captainkitty

Thank you to the compassionate people on here. I do wish you the best and I am so grateful for your empathy and insight and also thank you to those who provoked me..you made me so angry I got back to what truly makes me happy and gives me peace...being on the water...so thank you every one !

captainkitty

I've sat on my dock for months just staring at my boat...the last time I took it out was with my dog Toby...I only had him 3 months...he was a rescue I got after I had to have my 17 year old dog put to sleep.. Toby was blind and no one wanted him...I did...his blindness was not an issue...he was fearless and loving.. his diabilty didn't bother him...he made me feel strong and inspired. But sadly unknown to me Toby had advanced cancer...we had a few good times together boating but then he just went down hill fast...people told me that he hung on until he found a wonderful pet mom then let him self go...it is still incredibly painful to me....

captainkitty

Maybe a grief forum is better for me as all I have dealt with for 10 years is back to back terminal illness and loss

captainkitty

I just don't want to read any more stories about Duis or having the luxury to be hospitalized or go to rehab while some one else takes care of your responsibities...or how all those loving "normies" just don't understand... or patents who just have to have a drink even though their kids , poor things can see what you are doing...I don't want to read any more of these stories...it's making me feel sick

tomsteve

no one is forcing you to read anything,eh?
if you dont want to read those stories then dont.
wheres that empathy you talk about havin,eh?