Wasted energy
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Wasted energy
Okay, I am not going to let myself get upset today, I have already wasted enough time an energy this morning being angry at my MIL.....
My kids have a half of day today........I was bringing my six year old to her grannys this morning and on the way there she was informing me that her granny was picking her and a play date up from school today and bringing them to her house.
Okay, I have two other kids that have half days too......the one is 15 and she will be fine......the other is 11 and he will be fine......but together they tend to argue.......(I wonder where they get that from).........
I was angry, because my husband knew and my MIL knew, but they didnt inform me.......I am also angry because not one of them thought of my son being home with his sister.....
I am angry because she is going to take bree out to lunch with a play date......but dont give one little crap about my son.....I feel like she is putting Bree's friend above my son.........
Bree is going through her granny and making plans and dont even think about asking her mom if this is okay.......
I am not sure how to handle this situation........am I making too big of a deal out of it........I know I cant control what his mother does..........I have to work the rest of this day.......erggggggggggggggg........
My kids have a half of day today........I was bringing my six year old to her grannys this morning and on the way there she was informing me that her granny was picking her and a play date up from school today and bringing them to her house.
Okay, I have two other kids that have half days too......the one is 15 and she will be fine......the other is 11 and he will be fine......but together they tend to argue.......(I wonder where they get that from).........
I was angry, because my husband knew and my MIL knew, but they didnt inform me.......I am also angry because not one of them thought of my son being home with his sister.....
I am angry because she is going to take bree out to lunch with a play date......but dont give one little crap about my son.....I feel like she is putting Bree's friend above my son.........
Bree is going through her granny and making plans and dont even think about asking her mom if this is okay.......
I am not sure how to handle this situation........am I making too big of a deal out of it........I know I cant control what his mother does..........I have to work the rest of this day.......erggggggggggggggg........
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Do you know what really made me angry, when I told my husband how I felt.......he says to me, you have someone in another town, who I should be angry at.....someone who should take care of the other two........
He was talking about there father.......who on average sees them......once every couple of years.......if that.....
He was talking about there father.......who on average sees them......once every couple of years.......if that.....
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Sounds like the MIL needs to be put in her place. She should have told Bree to check with you to make sure you were okay with everything. You are the mother, not her. I don't care if she did have Bree and her friend today, it is only considerate for her to let you know what is going on. That's just my opinion.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
Hi Gracey - I'm sorry - this is a tough situation. I am apalled that your AH said that about having someone in another town who you should be angry at - obviously, he has no desire to be a parent to anyone other than his own child...I'm so sorry. I don't know if that is something that changes? I'm sure it is very hurtful to you (and more so because you fear it is hurtful to your children) that your AH and his MIL favor the child that is his... I am just so sorry. You are a great mother... I think I would make it very clear to the MIL that she is not to make plans with Bree unless she talks to you first... I would try not to spend too much more time worrying about today, because it's too late to change that...but, you can avoid episodes like this in the future. I'm sure Bree will have a good time, and chances are your son doesn't want to be with the old MIL anyway. Maybe you could talk to your 15 year old and ask her if she could make a special effort to be kind to her brother on days when you are not home? I don't know - there is no easy answer - I'm just throwing out thoughts... hang in there Gracey...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
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Gracey-- I have a question- do you bring Bree to her Granny's every day? Does she watch her before after school and for 1/2 days?? If so, you might want to reconsider her doing this.Find someone else to watch her. Why not your 15 year old?
Kinda- cut all ties to Granny. Apparently, this might be the time when the schemes are discussed.
Kinda- cut all ties to Granny. Apparently, this might be the time when the schemes are discussed.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Gracey -
I am with you that this is wrong - your MIL is wrong, your AH is wrong, Bree is wrong.
It's a bad deal.
BUT, you are now at work angry and upset. That's wrong too.
You are letting the inappropriate actions of others ruin your day.
If you need to set a boundary with your MIL or your AH or your daughter, that's what you need to do. You can't control them. You won't make things better by being upset.
Hugs - L
I am with you that this is wrong - your MIL is wrong, your AH is wrong, Bree is wrong.
It's a bad deal.
BUT, you are now at work angry and upset. That's wrong too.
You are letting the inappropriate actions of others ruin your day.
If you need to set a boundary with your MIL or your AH or your daughter, that's what you need to do. You can't control them. You won't make things better by being upset.
Hugs - L
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I am turning negative into positive today.........I didnt react when my husband said that about my ex-husband.....although inside I wanted to scream.......
Since this post.....I talked to the old MIL........I told her that next time she has plans with my daughter and I am not informed, then number one Bree will not be able to participate in the activity and number two Bree will be grounded.....I will tell Bree the same thing in alot nicer way and on her level that she will understand........(my MIL also let me know that I would be watching Bree's play date for 45 minutes when I came home from work) I told her that is going to be impossible for me to do, since I am going home for lunch today and I am going to spend quality time with my other two kids.....and since I am going home for lunch today I will have to work later than usual......so you are going to have to make arrangements with Bree's dad, since he obvioulsy knew about the situation.......(I guess he will have to miss his nap today.......because he is going to have to take care of bree and a playdate)
I did mention to my MIL, that she not worry about my son, he will be fine.......I am going to go home for lunch today and bring my kids something special home for lunch and spend good quality time with them......
I actually feel really good inside about how I handled the situation..........I am almost chuckling to myself.....and that is why the post I wrote yesterday is title the way it is.......
Neither one of them knew how to handle me........I threw them both for a huge loop...........
Since this post.....I talked to the old MIL........I told her that next time she has plans with my daughter and I am not informed, then number one Bree will not be able to participate in the activity and number two Bree will be grounded.....I will tell Bree the same thing in alot nicer way and on her level that she will understand........(my MIL also let me know that I would be watching Bree's play date for 45 minutes when I came home from work) I told her that is going to be impossible for me to do, since I am going home for lunch today and I am going to spend quality time with my other two kids.....and since I am going home for lunch today I will have to work later than usual......so you are going to have to make arrangements with Bree's dad, since he obvioulsy knew about the situation.......(I guess he will have to miss his nap today.......because he is going to have to take care of bree and a playdate)
I did mention to my MIL, that she not worry about my son, he will be fine.......I am going to go home for lunch today and bring my kids something special home for lunch and spend good quality time with them......
I actually feel really good inside about how I handled the situation..........I am almost chuckling to myself.....and that is why the post I wrote yesterday is title the way it is.......
Neither one of them knew how to handle me........I threw them both for a huge loop...........
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Gracey,
I don't think I would have handled it any better. It sounds to me that you have set some clear boundaries for MIL and that you will do the same for Bree. One of the issues that we CoDe folks always worry about is "what is going to happen"? Well with the boundaries you have set there is no worry - it is perfectly clear. That is how I try to look at boundaries - as a way to not have the sick, "what will happen now" feeling that was all too familiar to me for most of my life.
HURRAH for you and the kids. Every day a step closer to sanity.
Peace,
Petunia
I don't think I would have handled it any better. It sounds to me that you have set some clear boundaries for MIL and that you will do the same for Bree. One of the issues that we CoDe folks always worry about is "what is going to happen"? Well with the boundaries you have set there is no worry - it is perfectly clear. That is how I try to look at boundaries - as a way to not have the sick, "what will happen now" feeling that was all too familiar to me for most of my life.
HURRAH for you and the kids. Every day a step closer to sanity.
Peace,
Petunia
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
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Good for you Gracey!
Progress is one step at a time, one day at a time - and I"m happy to see you moving forward with your recovery!
((((((hugs))))))) for a job well done!
Hope you have an awesome day!
Progress is one step at a time, one day at a time - and I"m happy to see you moving forward with your recovery!
((((((hugs))))))) for a job well done!
Hope you have an awesome day!
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Just an update........I went home had a great lunch with all three of my kids.....
Due to Bree missing the bus. The school called me to come pick her up, I said why wasnt she on the bus???? I never called or e-mailed them telling them different....So I reminded them yesterday Bree is too get on the bus, unless I call or e-mail them...so what happened yesterday will not happen again.......see Bree thought her granny was coming to get her at school.......her granny said that she never told Bree that.......so Bree waited at school and waited......granny never showed up......so of course on the way home for lunch to spend time with the other two......I received the call to come and get her........so we went to get pizza and brought it home for all of us.....
Due to Bree missing the bus. The school called me to come pick her up, I said why wasnt she on the bus???? I never called or e-mailed them telling them different....So I reminded them yesterday Bree is too get on the bus, unless I call or e-mail them...so what happened yesterday will not happen again.......see Bree thought her granny was coming to get her at school.......her granny said that she never told Bree that.......so Bree waited at school and waited......granny never showed up......so of course on the way home for lunch to spend time with the other two......I received the call to come and get her........so we went to get pizza and brought it home for all of us.....
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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that hp of ours at work again! it's wonderful you were able to enjoy all three kids and you did good!
i am sorry, but i loved peaches "old mil" reference for a got this mental picture in my head of a wrinkled up old prune!
sorry- don't mean to be disrespectful, but sometimes folks on this board can give up a reason to smile!
i am sorry, but i loved peaches "old mil" reference for a got this mental picture in my head of a wrinkled up old prune!
sorry- don't mean to be disrespectful, but sometimes folks on this board can give up a reason to smile!
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