15 Months Sober, 2 Weeks Clean from Lexapro, Feels Like Early Sobriety
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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15 Months Sober, 2 Weeks Clean from Lexapro, Feels Like Early Sobriety
Fifteen months ago, I woke up with my last hangover. The shame, regret, and anxiety around my drunken behavior and the seedy motivations for my choices brought me to my knees and I finally surrendered.
At the time, I was taking 10 mg of Lexapro for general anxiety and depression. When I started the medication, I was struggling to learn my new job, my marriage was falling apart, and I was essentially a single parent in the evenings with my two little kids. The medication turned everything around in terms of my mood: my anxiety manifests itself in snapping at people and having no patience whatsoever, and this just went away.
When I decided to quit drinking and smoking pot, I also felt desperately like my medicine wasn't working anymore (duh), so my GP agreed to increase my dose to 20 mg. It helped, I think, in early sobriety to have the relief from depression and anxiety; I was able to focus completely on my recovery from alcohol and co-dependency.
My best friend and cousin killed herself at my 1-year sobriety birthday. She struggled, as I do, with depression/anxiety, but she was unwilling to deal with her addictions. I found out later that she had developed a nasty painkiller problem, but rather than deal directly with that, she was telling health professionals she was suicidal and anxious. She was a master manipulator and could usually get any pill she wanted.
She was found with an empty bottle of barbiturates and an empty bottle of vodka and a gun.
So I am enormously resentful of the pharmaceutical companies, and I want to be free. I used to feel like if the medication helps you get and stay sober, then, by all means, use it, and I still feel this way, but for myself, I want to know who I really am. I want to figure out how to manage my emotions and control my stress response. I want a healthy level of anxiety to get me off my ass. I feel like the medication helped save me at one point, but now it's like a really comfortable prison.
Anyway, enough rambling for now. Thanks in advance for reading this far. I look forward to a conversation about how to get through the early months of sobriety because, in many ways, I feel like I'm back at square 1.
Love and light to all.
Maude
At the time, I was taking 10 mg of Lexapro for general anxiety and depression. When I started the medication, I was struggling to learn my new job, my marriage was falling apart, and I was essentially a single parent in the evenings with my two little kids. The medication turned everything around in terms of my mood: my anxiety manifests itself in snapping at people and having no patience whatsoever, and this just went away.
When I decided to quit drinking and smoking pot, I also felt desperately like my medicine wasn't working anymore (duh), so my GP agreed to increase my dose to 20 mg. It helped, I think, in early sobriety to have the relief from depression and anxiety; I was able to focus completely on my recovery from alcohol and co-dependency.
My best friend and cousin killed herself at my 1-year sobriety birthday. She struggled, as I do, with depression/anxiety, but she was unwilling to deal with her addictions. I found out later that she had developed a nasty painkiller problem, but rather than deal directly with that, she was telling health professionals she was suicidal and anxious. She was a master manipulator and could usually get any pill she wanted.
She was found with an empty bottle of barbiturates and an empty bottle of vodka and a gun.
So I am enormously resentful of the pharmaceutical companies, and I want to be free. I used to feel like if the medication helps you get and stay sober, then, by all means, use it, and I still feel this way, but for myself, I want to know who I really am. I want to figure out how to manage my emotions and control my stress response. I want a healthy level of anxiety to get me off my ass. I feel like the medication helped save me at one point, but now it's like a really comfortable prison.
Anyway, enough rambling for now. Thanks in advance for reading this far. I look forward to a conversation about how to get through the early months of sobriety because, in many ways, I feel like I'm back at square 1.
Love and light to all.
Maude
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome.
You are doing very well. I dont think you are at square one but that is only my opinion.
I am sorry to hear of your family member. That is quite the painful situation to endure.
Good to have you here. Keep posting and reading. I am for certain that you have a lot to offer this community.
You are doing very well. I dont think you are at square one but that is only my opinion.
I am sorry to hear of your family member. That is quite the painful situation to endure.
Good to have you here. Keep posting and reading. I am for certain that you have a lot to offer this community.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family. 
If you want to go off the lexapro, ask your doctor for the best way to do it. Antidepressants aren't addictive, but there can be side effects when you stop taking them. 
I'm sorry for the devastating loss of your cousin.
If you want to go off the lexapro, ask your doctor for the best way to do it. Antidepressants aren't addictive, but there can be side effects when you stop taking them. I'm sorry for the devastating loss of your cousin.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Hi and welcome Maude
I'm sorry for your loss and I understand the anger.
The other side of the coin tho is I, and millions like me, need various meds to maintain my/our quality of life.
I have no idea whether Lexapro falls into that category for you or not, but it's best to speak with your Dr about I think?
D
I'm sorry for your loss and I understand the anger.
The other side of the coin tho is I, and millions like me, need various meds to maintain my/our quality of life.
I have no idea whether Lexapro falls into that category for you or not, but it's best to speak with your Dr about I think?
D
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