Damn it, Not Again
Glamfan
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Ontario, California
Posts: 1
Damn it, Not Again
Been reading this forum once in a while for months, finally decided to join. My first posting, and frankly, don't know what to expect. Although I had a big problem with alcohol in the past, I've been sober now for 7 months, and my wife is the hardcore alcoholic. She managed to put together 34 days of sobriety, which for her is a loooong time. I left this afternoon to go help with a church related thing this afternoon and thought I would be gone for hours. Turned out church thing was handled, and I went back home (unexpectedly) about 20 mins after I left. Wife was not home when I got back b/c she had walked to the liquor store to get two bottles of wine on a super hot So. Calif summer day. Did not argue or fight with her. Watched TV while she got wasted. I have no doubt she would have denied drinking at all if I hadn't caught her walking in with wine. I have to assume the "34 days of sobriety" had some secret drinking in them. Sooooooo sick and tired of her being drunk. Seems to me everybody on this forum is bitching about their alcoholic husband or boyfriend, never their alcoholic wife. So very much want this BS to end. Any ideas other than leaving her??? Can't afford inpatient treatment, only have ACA coverage. Desperate!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hey, glam--welcome to SR, and glad you decided to come out into the open and do some posting.
What you have noticed does seem to be true, there are more women posting here than men, hence the preponderance of stories where the A is a man. However, the gender of the active A doesn't make a substantial difference, at least in my opinion. The problems are the same.
You state you've been sober for 7 months. Are you following a program like AA? Do you have some support in real life, or are you white-knuckling it on your own? It kind of sounds like the latter to me, since you made no reference to talking to other A's or a sponsor about the situation. I'd strongly suggest some support for yourself, and Alanon is a great resource for anyone living with an active A. Checking out their site and perhaps reading some of their literature will help you get more out of the meetings when/if you do go.
Real recovery starts with putting down the bottle, but it doesn't end there, not by a long shot.
If you've been lurking here for a while, then you surely know by now that it's futile to try to force your wife to change, to stop drinking, to do anything. It doesn't really matter if you can afford inpatient treatment for her if she's not interested in getting sober. It won't accomplish anything.
The only person you can change is yourself. The only person you can make decisions for is yourself.
Keep reading, keep posting, and please do consider Alanon for your status as the spouse of an A as well as some form of support for your own alcohol issues.
What you have noticed does seem to be true, there are more women posting here than men, hence the preponderance of stories where the A is a man. However, the gender of the active A doesn't make a substantial difference, at least in my opinion. The problems are the same.
You state you've been sober for 7 months. Are you following a program like AA? Do you have some support in real life, or are you white-knuckling it on your own? It kind of sounds like the latter to me, since you made no reference to talking to other A's or a sponsor about the situation. I'd strongly suggest some support for yourself, and Alanon is a great resource for anyone living with an active A. Checking out their site and perhaps reading some of their literature will help you get more out of the meetings when/if you do go.
Real recovery starts with putting down the bottle, but it doesn't end there, not by a long shot.
If you've been lurking here for a while, then you surely know by now that it's futile to try to force your wife to change, to stop drinking, to do anything. It doesn't really matter if you can afford inpatient treatment for her if she's not interested in getting sober. It won't accomplish anything.
The only person you can change is yourself. The only person you can make decisions for is yourself.
Keep reading, keep posting, and please do consider Alanon for your status as the spouse of an A as well as some form of support for your own alcohol issues.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by glamfan 
I've been sober now for 7 months
What is your recovery program? What is your wellness routine? What do you do for your own peace and well being? What is different now than it was 7 months ago?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Great job on your 7 months
Ive seen a few men on here since Ive been around. Plus we do have several women who post regularly and are "double winners" themselves, so they would have been the ones with the substance issues in their family. I dont think the problem itself is gender specific by any means. Maybe men just dont come online to vent as much.
Ive seen a few men on here since Ive been around. Plus we do have several women who post regularly and are "double winners" themselves, so they would have been the ones with the substance issues in their family. I dont think the problem itself is gender specific by any means. Maybe men just dont come online to vent as much.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, glamfan. Welcome.
There are a few men in your situation who post, but you are right. Far more women.
There is a rather quiet forum, called The Men's Room that is for men only. You might check it out.
There are a few men in your situation who post, but you are right. Far more women.
There is a rather quiet forum, called The Men's Room that is for men only. You might check it out.
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