marylandbethany

Hi everyone,

This community has been a great blessing so far. I am about to be on Day 14, and while the mental withdrawal symptoms seem to have gone away (I'm still a little irritable), I suddenly find myself in a deep depression. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night to forget my problems, and here I am facing them sober.

I do see a therapist weekly, but I'm just so sad all of the time. I get my work done (I work from home), but after that I am empty. Drinking was the only time I found myself smiling, and I just don't know where to go from here. I am definitely not suicidal, just in a deep depression. I just moved here, so I don't have many friends. I've been texting friends out-of-state (but it's not the same as human connection), and my boyfriend can only help so much.

I'm exploring AA meeting options, so hopefully next week I can start going to those (spending the weekend with my parents). Basically, I am just heartbroken for myself.

Hevyn

I definitely remember feeling that same way. I don't know how helpful it is to hear, but this is quite normal for early recovery. We go through many phases as we adjust to our new way of living. It's hard to abruptly change our routine - and there's bound to be some resentment & disillusionment. For me, everything kept changing and improving over time. I expected to feel wonderful right away - after all, I had almost destroyed my life with alcohol. It takes time for our new normal to kick in. Feeling hopeful and optimistic takes a little time - but it will come.

I think it's a great idea to go to a meeting. You're trying everything. Please don't be discouraged, MB. Things are going to get so much better.

Dee74

Many of us have been through that Bethany.
If you've never been depressed before, chances are things will get better

Drinking messes up our brain chemistry pretty much, but things seem to get back to normal for most folks.

If you have a pre-existing depression problem, or your really concerned about this though, maybe a Dr is the best way to go?

D

Gottalife

It is also easy to confuse depression with self pity too. Depression is an illness, self pity is an attitude. Since I met a person with real depression, I don't think I have had a days depression in my life. But do have patches of feeling very sorry for myself. Not so much the inability to drink, but the wasted time and opportunities, and the constant feeling of being undeserving. Nothing had gone right and I could see no reason why that would change. And if I sit in it, it seems to get worse.

Your idea of going to some meetings is what worked for me. Getting out of myself and meeting others in recovery did me a lot of good.

rainyengland

Hiya

Sorry your feeling that way

Mine kicked in a bit later than yours - from week 5 up until mid last week I was very down (week 9) ..the only thing I could relate what it was like was when you lost your first love as a kid! Just empty feeling

I was wondering if it's a realisation that your old friend mr alcohol is finally gone and it's some kind of mourning - some friend he was by the way !

Tuesday this week I woke up and it just lifted ..no idea why,things just got a lot clearer and better for some reason

Hang in there and I hope it goes shortly 😊

time2shineagain

Hi Bethany. Sorry you're feeling this way. I have a long history of depression and have had episodes on and off since I was a teen, so I can relate to your post. Sounds like you're quite self aware and it's fantastic that you see a therapist regularly etc.

Things that really help me are exercise, fresh air and sunshine. I know it sounds so simple, but if I get out for a walk every day, especially on a nice sunny day, I find my mood is much better than if I spend too much time indoors. I'm also trying some mindfulness exercises which I'll sometimes incorporate into my walk.

A psychiatrist I saw when I had post-natal depression after the birth of my daughter also recommended making sure I did A) one productive activity per day and B) one pleasurable activity per day. At the time for me, it would be A) getting some household chore done and B) perhaps sitting down with a cup of coffee and reading a book or magazine, outside if weather permits. Again, sounds so simple, but important for me (particularly at the time when I was home with kids full-time). I know your situation is different, but as you work from home I thought some of these points may be relevant to you.

I also think AA would be great for you-the social interaction and support may help things as well as strengthen your commitment to sobriety. How about group fitness classes/gym?

Take care and congrats on your sober time!

PhoenixJ

long term sadness ='ed depression (major) for me = seeing a doc and antidepressant , which helps.

marylandbethany

Hi, everyone!

Thank you for your kind words. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, so yes I've had depressive episodes for a long time now (I've been in therapy for 10 years, tried many different meds). My depressive episodes come and go for different amounts of time, it's just harder this time due to being sober and not being able to hide behind alcohol.

I'm going to try my first AA meeting on Monday, so I'm excited!

Mizzuno

Do you have an exercise that you like?

For me, If I am not sweating out all the funk, then I am surely feeling low at times. Running is a part of my self care. Have you tried yoga? Walking? Gym membership? Boxing? Pilates? Anything to get that blood moving and your heart pumping.

I do notice that when we take something out of our lives we need to replace it with something else. I think some people have replaced their alcohol with cookies. I replaced my use with exercise and cookies It seems to be working out. Just a thought.

PurpleKnight

Be very proud of your 14 Days Bethany!!