Start of my journey?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 5
Start of my journey?
Hello I attended my first AA meeting on Monday night and I've so happy I found these forums.
I've had alcohol issues for 14 years now, which is half my life as I'm now 28. I started drinking along with my peers when we all were a young 13.
In the beginning it was alcoho-pops! Within the year turned to spirits and how fast u can drink so you wouldn't be caught at home time.. I was downing around 350ml of vodka straight weekly at the age 14 and problems began. I went through a traumatic teen life!! Childhood wasn't great either tbh.
Now I have a partner of 10 years and 3 babies. They're my world!!
Alcohol is my world too!!
I think about it all the time, I've fkd up so much with my friends and family and I've been a mess on and off for years now..
So I drank last Friday and caused so much unnecessary ****. It's like when I'm drunk, I want to do the most dangerous and self destructible things.
I wake up after a bender feeling humiliated. Covered in bruises, ashamed, alone, paranoid
I know I need to change and stop drinking. I have a good life now, why am I destroying it. Right now all I can think of is drink. I'm at an AA meeting and I'm thinking.
How long exactly do have I to stop drinking for? Is this forever?
Somewhere inside me is screaming to stop, that alcohol is going to be the death of me.
Why is this so hard I'm only 28. Please can someone support me on here. I feel like people here know and have felt like me.
I've had alcohol issues for 14 years now, which is half my life as I'm now 28. I started drinking along with my peers when we all were a young 13.
In the beginning it was alcoho-pops! Within the year turned to spirits and how fast u can drink so you wouldn't be caught at home time.. I was downing around 350ml of vodka straight weekly at the age 14 and problems began. I went through a traumatic teen life!! Childhood wasn't great either tbh.
Now I have a partner of 10 years and 3 babies. They're my world!!
Alcohol is my world too!!
I think about it all the time, I've fkd up so much with my friends and family and I've been a mess on and off for years now..
So I drank last Friday and caused so much unnecessary ****. It's like when I'm drunk, I want to do the most dangerous and self destructible things.
I wake up after a bender feeling humiliated. Covered in bruises, ashamed, alone, paranoid
I know I need to change and stop drinking. I have a good life now, why am I destroying it. Right now all I can think of is drink. I'm at an AA meeting and I'm thinking.
How long exactly do have I to stop drinking for? Is this forever?
Somewhere inside me is screaming to stop, that alcohol is going to be the death of me.
Why is this so hard I'm only 28. Please can someone support me on here. I feel like people here know and have felt like me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Hi Irishgirl
The concept of forever is a tough one for a lot of people contemplating sobriety to comprehend. I wouldn't worry too much about it now. Just try to think of making through each day without drinking for now. What I will tell you is that there are many, many people who ruin their lives and/or die trying to moderate their drinking or make total sobriety something only temporary. Nobody can predict the future, especially not if you're drinking. It's cliche, but this may be your only opportunity to recover from this.
Addiction doesn't discriminate. Although alcohol was never my primary drug of choice, I went through about a year long period of getting drunk every night when I was only 19-20. I had to detox from that, which was far from easy. Just because you're 28 doesn't mean that this can't turn into a horror show in a hurry.
Keep fighting and going back to those meetings. You'll learn a lot and find a ton of support.
The concept of forever is a tough one for a lot of people contemplating sobriety to comprehend. I wouldn't worry too much about it now. Just try to think of making through each day without drinking for now. What I will tell you is that there are many, many people who ruin their lives and/or die trying to moderate their drinking or make total sobriety something only temporary. Nobody can predict the future, especially not if you're drinking. It's cliche, but this may be your only opportunity to recover from this.
Addiction doesn't discriminate. Although alcohol was never my primary drug of choice, I went through about a year long period of getting drunk every night when I was only 19-20. I had to detox from that, which was far from easy. Just because you're 28 doesn't mean that this can't turn into a horror show in a hurry.
Keep fighting and going back to those meetings. You'll learn a lot and find a ton of support.
It takes some effort and changes, but is so worth it. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 5
Thank you all. Ive found motivation in your replies. It's after 1am here in Ireland I need to be up early in the morning for school runs and a 2nd AA meeting tomorrow evening. See yous soon Il defo be back 😊 goodnight
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Welcome to SR IrishGirl! You're making the best choice of your life by removing alcohol. Kudos for joining AA and coming here to SR for support. Don't worry about how long you need to stay sober, just take it one day at a time. Once you have some time behind you, you will find that a life without alcohol is much better than the alternative.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Good to meet you, Irishgirl. 
I was still drinking heavily at 28 - and continued on for many more years. Back then I knew I didn't drink like others - but it was still enjoyable some of the time, so I continued. I didn't realize it was taking over my life - and that one day I'd find myself completely dependent on it. I just wanted to have fun with it, but for me that wasn't possible. It changed my personality and put me in danger many times. You're wise to stop now - you'll never experience the pain & self-destruction that many of us have. It's great to have you with us.
I was still drinking heavily at 28 - and continued on for many more years. Back then I knew I didn't drink like others - but it was still enjoyable some of the time, so I continued. I didn't realize it was taking over my life - and that one day I'd find myself completely dependent on it. I just wanted to have fun with it, but for me that wasn't possible. It changed my personality and put me in danger many times. You're wise to stop now - you'll never experience the pain & self-destruction that many of us have. It's great to have you with us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Welcome Irishgirl,
You're right you do have a great life and it is worth getting sober for. And you did ask the right question....is this forever? The answer for those who alcohol causes destructive behavior is yes. A simple yes. Alcohol has been with you for along time, but isn't your friend, just remember the times you want to forget. 28 is a good time to release alcohol and find the new, beautiful you in sobriety. She is someone you haven't met yet, but you'll love her! Welcome! I'm glad you are here for yourself and your 3 kids.
You're right you do have a great life and it is worth getting sober for. And you did ask the right question....is this forever? The answer for those who alcohol causes destructive behavior is yes. A simple yes. Alcohol has been with you for along time, but isn't your friend, just remember the times you want to forget. 28 is a good time to release alcohol and find the new, beautiful you in sobriety. She is someone you haven't met yet, but you'll love her! Welcome! I'm glad you are here for yourself and your 3 kids.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hello Irishgirl, and welcome.
I'm an AWard, and now have 3 years sober. I still remember the fear that flooded me at the thought of never having another drink. What would I DO? Who would I BE? How could I enjoy life? Socialize? Have fun? Be fun? The folk at AA told me nit to worry about forever, and jusg think abiut the day i was in, or the hour I was in if it was a particularly tough day.
If there are not many meetings near you, or you are struggling between meetings, then listening to the AA speaker recordings might be useful. They were for me. This is the site I use, and there are lots of recordings on there recommended for newcomers as well as people further into the program ... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
Hopefully some other ladies at AA gave you their numbers to call. Please DO call them. If you get used to calling them when you don't need it, then you are more likely to be able to call them one day when you really do need the arm of AA to be there for you.
At the moment lots of what you read and hear may seem muddled and not make much sense. This won't last. Although my washing machine head was at its worst about a month in.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
I'm an AWard, and now have 3 years sober. I still remember the fear that flooded me at the thought of never having another drink. What would I DO? Who would I BE? How could I enjoy life? Socialize? Have fun? Be fun? The folk at AA told me nit to worry about forever, and jusg think abiut the day i was in, or the hour I was in if it was a particularly tough day.
If there are not many meetings near you, or you are struggling between meetings, then listening to the AA speaker recordings might be useful. They were for me. This is the site I use, and there are lots of recordings on there recommended for newcomers as well as people further into the program ... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
Hopefully some other ladies at AA gave you their numbers to call. Please DO call them. If you get used to calling them when you don't need it, then you are more likely to be able to call them one day when you really do need the arm of AA to be there for you.
At the moment lots of what you read and hear may seem muddled and not make much sense. This won't last. Although my washing machine head was at its worst about a month in.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
Hello Irishgirl, and welcome.
I'm an AWard, and now have 3 years sober. I still remember the fear that flooded me at the thought of never having another drink. What would I DO? Who would I BE? How could I enjoy life? Socialize? Have fun? Be fun? The folk at AA told me nit to worry about forever, and jusg think abiut the day i was in, or the hour I was in if it was a particularly tough day.
If there are not many meetings near you, or you are struggling between meetings, then listening to the AA speaker recordings might be useful. They were for me. This is the site I use, and there are lots of recordings on there recommended for newcomers as well as people further into the program ...
Hopefully some other ladies at AA gave you their numbers to call. Please DO call them. If you get used to calling them when you don't need it, then you are more likely to be able to call them one day when you really do need the arm of AA to be there for you.
At the moment lots of what you read and hear may seem muddled and not make much sense. This won't last. Although my washing machine head was at its worst about a month in.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
I'm an AWard, and now have 3 years sober. I still remember the fear that flooded me at the thought of never having another drink. What would I DO? Who would I BE? How could I enjoy life? Socialize? Have fun? Be fun? The folk at AA told me nit to worry about forever, and jusg think abiut the day i was in, or the hour I was in if it was a particularly tough day.
If there are not many meetings near you, or you are struggling between meetings, then listening to the AA speaker recordings might be useful. They were for me. This is the site I use, and there are lots of recordings on there recommended for newcomers as well as people further into the program ...
Hopefully some other ladies at AA gave you their numbers to call. Please DO call them. If you get used to calling them when you don't need it, then you are more likely to be able to call them one day when you really do need the arm of AA to be there for you.
At the moment lots of what you read and hear may seem muddled and not make much sense. This won't last. Although my washing machine head was at its worst about a month in.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. Keep reading and posting.
BB
Wow thanks for the link of the recordings!
I'm going to check that out asap
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