errand

Hi.. after about 3 years of being aware of and trying to help as gently as possible, my lovely fiance has finally gone to rehab for 28 days for her codeine addiction. I feel overwhelmingly relieved but also sad and lost, and I thought I was going to relax finally at home by myself but I don't know what to do.
I've cleaned the house sparkling top to bottom, bought some new clothes and had a haircut, but I dont want to do anything but go to bed. I'm not allowed to speak with her for the first week, and it breaks my heart thinking how we left, she was stressed and crying and missing me.
I found out through the hospital she didn't sleep well and hasn't joined in the group sessions yet and that's stressing me. It's only the second day though I suppose. Her family are lovely and have been messaging and calling me regularly. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to get myself out of this slight depression and get on with things while I'm waiting for her to get better? Coincidentally i'm on leave from work for a week so I'm literally at home alone, although I don't really want to see anyone anyway.
my biggest fear is that she won't stick with it and will turn up at home prematurely. I don't want to go through all that again, we've come so far. I just have to find stuff to do and try and not think about it too much I suppose; not looking for sympathy but it's nice to talk about it to someone other than family.

least

Welcome to the family! I hope your fiance can learn how to stay clean and sober while at rehab.

For you, I would suggest some support just for you. Dealing with addiction takes a toll on not just the addict, but on the family as well.

We have a friends and family forum you might be interested in. Have a look.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dee74

Hi and welcome errand I'm sorry for what brings you here but there's a lot of support encouragement and experience here.

Lean on us - hopefully we can lessen some of that fear for you and you can focus on other things besides worrying

D

Berrybean

Perhaps cancel your leave and got back to at least some semblance of normality. Save the leave for when you're ready to actually use that time for good purpose rather than obsessing.

It almost sounds like you are experiencing withdrawals from your fiance and the drama created by them. Perhaps her being removed as the unhealthy focus will give you some space to consider what you like doing and actually going to do it. What did you like doing before she came into your life? Could be a good place to start.

Have you considered getting to some Alanon meetings or similar ?

BB

FreedomCA

I think taking a leave was the smart thing to do. I just don't think you can work and focus while being this stressed out. I would suggest exercising, reading, possibly joining a support group, seeing a therapist, getting a massage, or any other fun things to do. The stakes are high right now in your relationship, and you know it. Just try and breathe and relax.

hope778

errand, I was in your shoes not long ago when my husband went to treatment. We couldn't talk for a while and for the first few days it seemed all I could do was worry about how he was doing and how he was feeling. I realized I had to intentionally shift that focus from him to myself during that time. How was I doing? It was strange for me as I tend to put other people before myself to a fault. But, intentionality was key. I intentionally seeked help for myself (Al-Anon, meeting with someone in the church, etc) and also took care of myself more than every before (worked out, yoga, did simple things that I enjoyed, etc). This time is for each of you to focus on yourselves. It is the only way this will work. She is being well taken care of, trust me, and she is where she needs to be. Take care of you now.

aliciagr

Its an odd feeling at home where there was a lot of emotion, drama going on - and then its suddenly removed when the person goes to treatment. I felt that when my husband went too.

I just tried to stay busy, allowed myself some time to sit and think about myself, and the things that I enjoyed doing but maybe hadnt done in a while. It felt uncomfortable at first. My husband and I had moved and hadnt really got settled in our new place - no family around, and had made no real friends. I think just be gentle with yourself and your emotions will settle a bit. Maybe it will help to just know that its something others have experienced.

Since I was sort of on my own and felt a lot of emotions. I did decide to get a therapy referral. It helped.

Hope your fiance does well. She took a big step going in for help.

Forward12

I agree I think alanon would be a great thing to start attending. If you keep obsessing over their recovery, it will just drive you mad.
Codependency is a huge problem as well

Anna

I think this is a time for you to focus on yourself. You have the week off work, so why not do some things you've been wanting to do? I also think AlAnon in your area could be helpful to you.

SweatyHands

Well, it sounds like you have the blues for a very good reason. Maybe before you try to get rid of them, you should listen to them, and see what they can offer you. You know, in a nutshell, why you feel this way, so how about making a list of the things that could happen to make this feeling decrease? See if any of the items on your list are in your control, and then see if you can do anything abput them. Also, you serve to gain nothing by trying to tough it out. Take care of yourself while you are depressed. Being tough on yourself for being depressed, and then thinking that you failed because you couldn't fix it, are only going to make the situation worse.

Relax. Slow down. Feed yourself. Sleep. Your mind and body are telling you what you need right now.

teatreeoil007

It's a funny thing. After a significant "change" has happened, even if it's considered a good thing/good change...we can still feel a bit bewildered almost? I don't know if it's just the calm after a long long storm and your feelings have yet to catch up? It HAS been a trial and a struggle for you and sometimes while we are so worried about someone else and busy with that we don't realize how depleted we are actually becoming....so now he's in rehab and so your focus has inevitably SHIFTED....part of you is rejoicing "yes"!, he's finally going to get some of the help he needs....but there is very very likely a whole lot of healing that needs to happen for yourSELF...and now that he's not around at the moment perhaps it's hitting you more FULLY.

Welcome and please continue to read and post. We care!

BrendaChenowyth

When I read that you were on vacation as well I cringed. No wonder you're going stir crazy.

Meet with friends, go to the movies or exercise outdoors. Silly to ask you to try to take your mind off it, of course, that won't happen, but being active and getting some vitamin D will help with the blues.