2muchpain

The good thing about my situation is that I don't have to care about whether I live or die is that I have a sister that might need me some day. Most people here on SR might not understand that, but when you get to a certain age when you don't have family or friends to connect with, your life gets pretty small. I'm sure there are people here that understand that. I do have family that I have reached out to, but have got nothing back so that is that. AA pretty much kicked me to the curb and that's sad cause I saw them as a lifeline to my life. Not their fault. Just the way things turned out. Can't be who I'm not.
I do have plans for the future but if they don't happen, no big deal. I spend most of my time talking to the TV, computer or myself. I know people will say just get out and meet people. Trust me on this guys. Make your friends when you are young and stay connected to family, cause down the road all this will make a difference. Make amends where you can. You don't want to end up like me. My only relationship is alcohol, a relationship who's goal is to kill me. I don't see any way of out of this for me, but you can do much better.
You don't want to end up alone in an apartment talking to yourself for company. John

january161992

thanks John for the pep talk and gratitude builder

tonight is my weekly salvation army meeting where i go take new guys thru the steps and get grateful

gratitude is like a hot knife thru resentments which are my #1 offender

God bless

2muchpain

Would really love get involved with the Salvation a Army, but they are really involved with the 12 steps. Not opposed to it, just see other ways to keep sober. Wish I saw if different. The 12th steps for the most part removing the God part is very much like the 10 commandants. Remove the God part and all makes sense. John

Maudcat

Hi, John. Making friends isn't easy.
Sometimes people who struggle with human relationships find kinship with animals.
Any opportunities along those lines you could pursue? Maybe working with shelter animals?

teatreeoil007

How about volunteering at an animal shelter...like walking the dogs...I've done that before and really enjoyed it. And, you can talk to the dogs all you want and then you won't feel like you just talk to yourself and the nice thing is the dogs don't talk back if you're really not in the mood for it. And, they will love you to death, no matter what. Poor dogs. I feel sorry for them cooped up in there and they are such social animals...they get lonely and just want some love and attention.

least

I also think volunteering at an animal shelter would be a good experience. I get so much love from my critters and it's a source of great joy that I am sober to take good care of them.

Do you live in a place that would allow a dog? My dogs save my life every day.

2muchpain

As a kid, I grew up with dogs. Big dogs. Collies, German Shepherds. Dogs were everywhere. Whenever I consider getting a dog, I think about the time away from them when I'm on trips, but I don't take trips anymore. Unlike where I used to live, people here have lots of dogs. Their walking them all the time. Maybe it's time to drop by the ASPCA. Haven't thought of that in a long time. Thanks. John

2muchpain

There's something about the emotional attachment of a dog that bothers me. It's there then it's gone. I know that sounds wierd, but it's again losing a loved one. After all, it's just a dog, right? John

least

No, dogs don't live nearly long enough. But when I lose a dog, I adopt another from the shelter. I give another dog the same good life I'd given the one I lost. That makes me feel good.

least

Delilah1

I have two dogs, and they are a part of my family. They are spoiled rotten, and they give back with their constant affection and love. They are always happy to see me, and a lot less work then my human children!

least

2muchpain

Never thought of it that way. John

2muchpain

The main I would have with getting a dog is that I live in a pretty small apartment. Do you think a dog would be ok with that? Not a whole lot of room to move around. If I was a dog, I think I'd get a little clostarophic. John

KES06

If you get a smaller dog I'm sure it would be fine in an apartment. Any shelter dog is going to be happy being "saved". Plus, you'd now have a friend to take walks with, go to the park with, drive with etc.
And I completely understand the isolation you speak of. I have always been a "loner". Truth is, I just don't require much human companionship. My job involves heavy emotional exchanges with people, so when I am not working, I pretty much just want to be left alone. But I'm ok with this. I thought that when I got sober 4 1/2 months ago, I'd somehow become this "peopley person", but....Nope. Lol. I do have 4 cats, 2 are feral kittens I just kidnapped from my back yard. So I think a pet may be right up your alley. Good luck, John!

least

A smaller type dog probably won't mind, as long as you take him/her for walks every day. I live in a big house, but my two dogs prefer to spend their time in my little den because I'm in there.

I hope you can get a dog. Dogs are such good company.

Anna

I LOVE the idea of getting a small dog. It will give you a purpose and it will need your care. I also love the idea of volunteering. I met so many wonderful people through volunteer work, plus it would also give you a purpose in life.

jaynie04

Hi John,
Animal issues are close to my heart. I took in 9 feral cats right before I got sober ( I have a heated garden shed ). They were from different rescuers so it took a while for us all to settle in. They are all glossy and healthy now, and they are each special to me.

There are so many animals out there that need love and a home and you seem so gentle and kind that I believe they would be so lucky to be adopted by you. Cats are easy, and having 2 provides nonstop entertainment. My life is so so much richer because of my cats.

I have found that people who have survived traumatic childhoods are naturally intuitive with animals. We remember what it is like to be helpless and not have a voice. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to nurture another living creature the way we wish we were nurtured as children.

gregknight

I was exactly as your OP describes last summer and fall, John. My health had gotten so bad, physical and mental, my self-isolation so complete, I literally did not leave my small apartment for weeks at a time. I would not go outside without checking to see if anyone was out there so I would not be seen. I talked to no one but store clerks or whoever I had to deal with when I absolutely had to. My congestive heart failure was getting worse and worse and I knew sobriety didn't last. I prayed to God to just obliterate me, body and soul so I could stop living such a miserable life.

Then I decided if I was going down, it was not going to be without a fight. I didn't have the strength for it, but I did have the strength to get help. I've got almost a year sobriety now. My life is far from great. I still live alone, I have no real friends in my life. The only person I really even talk to face-to-face on any regular basis, is my therapist. It would be too me and too long a post to describe the journey but the end has been that I pray in thanks every day, I hike 2 miles every day, I watch my diet and exercise, I've lost a ton of weight, joined an archery club, and this time my sobriety feels different because I am finally living sober, not just being sober. I have hope again. Doing things like getting a dog (And lots of breeds are perfect for an apartment.), taking up a hobby, joining a gym or club, can help greatly.

Looking back, one thing I realize now, is that hopelessness really is just a state of mind. It's not real. You get so used to despair it becomes your reality but it is NOT reality. Life is beautiful and precious and it's beauty can be found in the most small, seemingly insignificant things. Please note, I am not meaning to lecture anyone or hold myself out as some example. I still don't know what I am doing most times. I do know that there is help out there and that it is so important to do anything it takes to find it and to get a plan to live and not just exist. Start with just one thing and that will lead to other things that can work. For anyone in despair reading this, what I do know, is that there is hope. You don't have to live in misery.

teatreeoil007

It depends on the breed and the dog John....different dogs have different dispositions, but many dogs would do alright in a small apartment as long you take them out for walks and stuff. Studies have shown that dog owners tend to be more active and healthy as they stay busy with their dogs. Dogs are more high maintenance than cats, so you could get a cat if you don't think you'd be up for a dog. Cats are lovable too and need a certain amount of attention. There are many dogs and cats that need rescuing and need a home. But until you decide if you want to adopt a dog you can just go to an animal shelter and volunteer to walk them.